Discussion What is Your #1 Reason for Not Wanting to Live?

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

It's the fact that I'm already 30 and have had zero dating or relationship experience. I know my reason is stupid and shallow compared to everyone else's and that also fuels my other reason for wanting to CTB which is the fact that I'm petty and evil and feel like the moral thing to do is eliminate myself because even if I did have a girlfriend I'd probably ruin her life or something.

So I guess in summary, myself is the actual cause of my need to CTB.

No one here will judge you on your reasons. They are yours and you have the right to feel the way you do.
My first/main reason is choosing the wrong path. I got married to be "normal" when all I wanted was the man I was in love with. Such huge regrets every day.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

No one here will judge you on your reasons. They are yours and you have the right to feel the way you do.

I know for a fact some people on this site have harsh judgments against me for what I've said before and I don't blame them. I thank you for your understanding at least.

My first/main reason is choosing the wrong path. I got married to be "normal" when all I wanted was the man I was in love with. Such huge regrets every day.

This reason is absolutely fair. Having regret over a major decision and commitment like this is part of why I've been so afraid to move ahead in the first place so it makes total sense to me.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I know for a fact some people on this site have harsh judgments against me for what I've said before and I don't blame them. I thank you for your understanding at least.


This reason is absolutely fair. Having regret over a major decision and commitment like this is part of why I've been so afraid to move ahead in the first place so it makes total sense to me.

I feel bad that you have had those experiences here. I for one will never judge you.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Well it USED to be that I don't want to exist that's now the second reason, but now it's... well again I can't tell you.

 

[s1llyg1rl]

i feel like everything just repeats itself. what im feeling has been felt before and everything ive been through has been dealt with before so why does it matter that I'M feeling and going through these things? and i feel everything and nothing all at once all the time and everything is so foggy and eerily clear at the same time its just exhausting ToT

 

[Tr3dorz]

My dyspraxia, not being able to perform simple tasks destroys my expectations about my future, I also have difficulty formulating ideas, very slow response to external stimuli, understanding of subjects that an 18 year old should already be doing but I am always late for everything, I am unable to fend for myself, I behave in a creepy and extremely stupid way, I have known this since I was 8 years old.

Everyone has achieved their small or big victories but I'm the only one who has never known what it is to "achieve" with effort let alone what a "victory" is.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

El autismo

 

[Theresnoescape]

Time is my main reason. Since my earliest memories, I've felt wrong, like I don't belong here and I'm just waiting for my life to be over. I'm 42 now, and assuming I'll live to around 70 - 80, I just can't face that much more time.

 

[iji]

This universe (including life and humans) is too imperfect for living.

 

[Twiceler]

Life is shit, if you need a reason.

 

[Lost Magic]

A deep sadness, that is always lurking beneath the surface.

 

[dietcokecan]

I'm autistic and I can't function in my day to day life. Even slightly difficult tasks are so hard, I'll be a NEET for the rest of my life if I don't ctb. I'm also boring and incredibly awkward with no friends :(

Medication induced brain injury... most likely permanent anhedonia and cognitive dysfunction.

What medication if I may ask?

 

[rednights]

The life I want is impossible to achieve, and I'm struggling to deal with the one I have instead.

 

[comabitvewombat]

I know it's never just ONE reason, but it can definitely FEEL like it.

What is your #1 reason that pushes you over the top for not wanting to live anymore?

Thank you for sharing.

My whole life and all my effort has amounted to nothing

 

[GoatHerder]

Suffering exists.

 

[happynot]

No one here will judge you on your reasons. They are yours and you have the right to feel the way you do.
My first/main reason is choosing the wrong path. I got married to be "normal" when all I wanted was the man I was in love with. Such huge regrets every day.

There is no such thing as normal...It's not good for the other person I think..it's never too late...

 

[katara]

i have nothing that makes me happy and i have no purpose

 

[Praestat_Mori]

not enough financials for a good life.

 

[sweetxdreams]

The level of depression is just stupid at this point. It physically hurts how sad I am and it doesn't go away.

 

[tinniman]

Severe hyperacusis & tinnitus after single party. I can't stop blaming myself. My depression rises day by day.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

My whole life and all my effort has amounted to nothing

El autismo

Some people with autism are the most beautiful people on this planet.

The level of depression is just stupid at this point. It physically hurts how sad I am and it doesn't go away.

I understand what you're talking about when you say it physically hurts. I am so sorry for your suffering.

Life is shit, if you need a reason.

Fair enough, Twiceler.

 

[Deficiency]

My mind is too fractured from my past. I will never recover from my trauma

I have tried for years to push on. I always held out hope that things "get better", but it doesn't for everyone

 

[alltoomuch2]

Underlying everything, the reason I want to ctb is that I hate everything about myself and who I am had given me a shit life. And I can't change being me. So there's no hope.

 

[Hunter2005]

Too much trauma I'm carrying and I'm only 25.

 

[vadim]

I'm defective and not made for living in this world. I can't form connections with other people or achieve anything that is important to me because I'm a useless black void of a person. I want to kill myself primarily because I hate living as the person I am.

 

[litttlebimple]

Social anxiety for me, being around people is tough. I've been living the hermit lifestyle for the past 2 years (to manage the anxiety/embarrassment), but this isn't working for me either.

 

[Changedmymind]

I'm a coward.

 

[agony1996]

Probably aromantic but desperately want a romantic relationship, as stupid of a reason as that is. No other way out with today's medicine so my best bet is just to off myself before I get to 30 and still don't have a boyfriend or husband. It's one thing to not be able to get a partner but another to be incapable of getting one your entire life...

No one's reason for wanting to ctb is less less valid then another you'd have to put yourself in others shoes to feel what they are feeling. Your reason for wanting ctb is not stupid at all.

I lost my son … he was my BFF and my heart

I'm so sorry that's really sad, your pain must be unbearable. I wish I had some words of comfort. All I can say is you have people on here that really care.

 

[FrownyFace]

I just feel worthless to everyone and useless to anything. Everytime I get that feeling, I'm reminded that it's not going anywhere and that I've never going to be good enough for anyone or anything. Like I just feel like there's no reason to be here and it makes me miserable

 

[HD72]

My parents neglected my health and made me afraid of everything. Then I was put on a shit to. Of psych meds now I have akathisia and dystonia migraines and chronic pain. The doctors won't help because they blame everything I have on anxiety. I am in so much pain so lonely and so afraid. I can't earn a living or even barely move. I need help getting supplies to die. I can't use SN because I also now have gastroparesis and can't eat. I have lost anything that brought me joy. Please someone help me go. Please. I'm trying to get the courage up to hang myself but I know with my luck I'll end up alive with more brain damage.