LevUwU
I hate my life and the government
- Mar 16, 2024
- 181
The fact my life was ruined from the start and I had no chance due to birth defects / mental illnesses out of my control
If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations
Oh nice. Do you know your tritype? Sadly, you have to pay for the tritype test now. I was reading the tritype descriptions from the website, and I'm pretty sure that I'm a 539. I got it as a result before, and it sounds like me. I like to challenge the status quo, so that's why I thought I could actually be a 538, but the description doesn't match as much as 539 does.I constantly go back and forth between being a type 4 or 5 haha, so I'm either a 5w4 or 4w5.
I definitely relate to what you said about "withdrawing and observing" rather than participating. It's very hard for me to lose myself in the moment and so even "positive" experiences tend to become muted and I don't seem to get much out of them. For example, pro-lifers have often told me that I just need to travel and see the world in order to not be depressed, and even though that's a load of BS, I finally tried it out last year. The result was that I just felt the same as I did here except without my typical comforts, like my coffee and computer and bed. It's as you said earlier: "having to live to avoid negatives rather than gaining a true positive."
Actually someone else said that lol, I just restated itIt's as you said earlier: "having to live to avoid negatives rather than gaining a true positive."
1) I will never get justice or restitution for the crimes committed against me in medical school... The help I am need of won't be given to me.For me:
1) I was most likely never going to be able to heal and live the life I wanted. Some traumas are too devastating and can't be undone.
2) I was never going to get from other people the one thing I wanted because that one thing could only have come from the parent who harmed me: unconditional acceptance and love.
3) Quitting isn't cowardice if you tried your best to overcome and failed in the process. Continuing to hold on can cause more pain than letting go.
4) Grasping at the good from the past as a means to comfort you in the present is a kind of torture that makes the present harder to live in. Time goes in one direction. You either find a way to create new good times continuously or you'll have none.
I resonate with this so so much.That despite being brought up to believe I was intelligent, capable, talented, whatever, I'm just average. Good at lots of stuff but not great at anything. And I'd be happy with that except shutting other than excellent still feels like an outright failure, even after all these years. So whatever I do, from hobbies to work to personal life to looking after myself and my house, I never see the success, only that it could (and therefore should) be so much better. I'm not comparing myself to anyone else, but rather the ghost of the person I failed to become.
I think I'm 541 or 549, but the descriptions on the Tritype site don't seem to be very accurate.Oh nice. Do you know your tritype? Sadly, you have to pay for the tritype test now. I was reading the tritype descriptions from the website, and I'm pretty sure that I'm a 539. I got it as a result before, and it sounds like me. I like to challenge the status quo, so that's why I thought I could actually be a 538, but the description doesn't match as much as 539 does.
Tritype® 359, 395, 539, 593, 935, 953-The Thinker
If you are a 359, you are ambitious, knowledgeable, and accepting. You want to be efficient, wise, and peaceful. Intellectual and clever, you find amenable and pleasant ways to manage difficult situations and relationships. Often shy, you are very private and are slow to trust others. You need time to more fully reveal yourself. You are ambitious but seek admiration in a subtle manner.
I also struggle to live in the moment. I never feel fully present.
Behavioral Center
Emotional Center
- Type 8: Behavioral Assertiveness - pushes through obstacles to get what's wanted.
- Type 9: Behavioral Accommodation - yields to or joins in with the flow of movement.
- Type 1: Behavioral Correctness - discerns right from wrong and acts accordingly.
Mental Center
- Type 2: Emotional Connection - connects to others through emotional empathy.
- Type 3: Emotional Ambition - finds validation through achievement and recognition.
- Type 4: Emotional Authenticity - expresses what feels true and real for oneself.
- Type 5: Mental Observation - observes the world by pulling back from it and watching.
- Type 6: Mental Questioning - probes to alleviate doubts and find what can be trusted.
- Type 7: Mental Possibility - avoids limitations while exploring interesting possibilities.
I gotI think I'm 541 or 549, but the descriptions on the Tritype site don't seem to be very accurate.
I found a test here, which also gives me 541. Checks out according to the descriptions on that same site:
Oh so much of this.1. I will never be loved by my parents, they have many kids and im the black sheep in the family. My mother doesnt believe me about my SA and doesnt even care, in the matter of fact blamed me for it. Im constantly blamed and treated as source of all of their problems.
2. Ill never find someone that will love me, im deemed as toxic and i dont have much of a personality to like, i keep copying the other persons personality for them to like me but its temporary. Too mentally scarred for anyone to deal with while they have normal people as an option. Ive been told countless of times that i should just ctb by the people i loved, told that im unloveable.
3. Ill never get better mentally. Antidepressants, or any medicine for that matter, doesnt work on me and i keep feeling like shit even if i take it consistently. Therapy is pointless and im too stupid and lazy to make any changes to improve my life. Nothing gives me joy anymore and i dont care about anything anymore, besides my cat ofc. I will always feel this way and its draining me.
4. My best will never be enough.
5. Im a failure in every aspect of life.
6. Ctb is not as easy as i hoped it to be.
I absolutely understand this. I see all of the things I need to do to improve myself and it feel like a mountain. I'm an adult and I am responsible for myself and I have no idea how to fix itI'm not special, I will never be anyone's first choice, the only thing I have to blame for my problems is myself, and my fantasies of life suddenly getting better are never going to happen.
I think the biggest one is realizing that no one is going to "save" me now. I'm an adult, I'm responsible for my own shit. If I don't have the motivation to get better, no one can make me, and I never will
I hate thisIn order to survive, you need a job even if its something that you don't want to do
Not to be that guy, but i won't feel sorry for someone who brought a new life into this miserable worldMy son's behavioural problems
That the man I love doesn't love me back
My responsibilities as a parent
That my best years are over
My post childbirth/breastfeeding body
That's okay because I wasn't wanting pityNot to be that guy, but i won't feel sorry for someone who brought a new life into this miserable world