SmigSauer
Member
- Feb 18, 2026
- 23
Weed, like any substance, numbs your brain, removes your awareness, turns you into a bumbling retard. Sometimes I get sick of feeling a stupid idiot who's stoned all the time, so I detox for a while. My brain feels sharper, but I soon remember why I hate being sober. What am I doing with my time while sober? I'm in my room, ruminating about killing myself because I don't have the energy or fortitude to keep up with life. I'm not a cutter but I want to slice my wrists open right now.
It doesn't even matter that I feel sharper and smarter, because all I am able to use this brainpower for is to think about how much I hate living. How much I wish I was aborted so I wouldn't have to go through the suffering of life. I feel like I can't distract myself by doing activities anymore, the respite I get from doing them fades away quicker than ever. I can't focus on anything or live in the present moment; all I can think about is how much I don't want to be alive.
Weed at the very least is a distraction from life. But it's not that great and it's only a temporary distraction, no different from the temporary distractions I undertake while I'm sober. It's no different to stuff like going for a hike when sober, because that's also just something to do to distract me from my own thoughts. This is hell. I'm unable to live without self-sabotaging at every turn. I'm defective, I need to be killed.
It doesn't even matter that I feel sharper and smarter, because all I am able to use this brainpower for is to think about how much I hate living. How much I wish I was aborted so I wouldn't have to go through the suffering of life. I feel like I can't distract myself by doing activities anymore, the respite I get from doing them fades away quicker than ever. I can't focus on anything or live in the present moment; all I can think about is how much I don't want to be alive.
Weed at the very least is a distraction from life. But it's not that great and it's only a temporary distraction, no different from the temporary distractions I undertake while I'm sober. It's no different to stuff like going for a hike when sober, because that's also just something to do to distract me from my own thoughts. This is hell. I'm unable to live without self-sabotaging at every turn. I'm defective, I need to be killed.
