i feel 'better' from meds, but i'm in fact not

[evrlastingsea]

i've been forcing myself to get more professional help. both from psychiatrist and therapy. it'll be a pain in the ass to pay for the medical debt later, but this was really one of my last hope in living.

good news is, medications helped me? i feel calm. i can think clearly, and i just don't get too emotional anymore. someone listened to my rants.

bad news? i can plan my ctb even more. i feel the need to ctb even more as it became a part of my life to just think about death. i hurt myself more just for the sake of it. it also ruined my relationship with people bc noq i'm just too numb.

i feel like i am too late to recover. i'm not sure. do i have to keep living with this thoughts? i'm not sure if living while acknowledging my huge desire to die AND paying for it is better. i'll just use this to plan out my ctb better.

 

[atre]

The only thing the medication did for me years ago was sleepiness, a very blank head (no thoughts, silence), hunger, and the lose of any and all sexuality. It's interesting even when it "helps", you still feel suicidal, just with a more clear head, I didn't know that... I wish you peace on whatever route you choose in life.

 

[webb&flow]

depression meds can give a person who is feeling suicidal and depressed more energy. this can, at times, be dangerous, by giving them more energy to potentially act on self-destructive desires. this is something psychiatrists should be aware of sincerely <3

It is never too late to recover <3. Please read this thread, from a fellow long-time SaSu member~

Reframing recovery: remission (& relapse)

As a person with multiple chronic health issues which tend to come and go either in intensity or outright - literally remission and relapse - I think this is a much better way of framing suicidal ideation and its absence. TL;DR: if you stop feeling suicidal but later start again, don't feel bad...

sanctioned-suicide.net