What hard truths have you not been able to accept?

[rattymiss]

1. I will never be loved by my parents, they have many kids and im the black sheep in the family. My mother doesnt believe me about my SA and doesnt even care, in the matter of fact blamed me for it. Im constantly blamed and treated as source of all of their problems.

2. Ill never find someone that will love me, im deemed as toxic and i dont have much of a personality to like, i keep copying the other persons personality for them to like me but its temporary. Too mentally scarred for anyone to deal with while they have normal people as an option. Ive been told countless of times that i should just ctb by the people i loved, told that im unloveable.

3. Ill never get better mentally. Antidepressants, or any medicine for that matter, doesnt work on me and i keep feeling like shit even if i take it consistently. Therapy is pointless and im too stupid and lazy to make any changes to improve my life. Nothing gives me joy anymore and i dont care about anything anymore, besides my cat ofc. I will always feel this way and its draining me.

4. My best will never be enough.

5. Im a failure in every aspect of life.

6. Ctb is not as easy as i hoped it to be.

 

[Final_Choice]

I'll never find someone I can call a partner

I'll never be cured of my illnesses

I'll never get better mentally

I'll never be able to experience all the things I've missed out on

I kind of have accepted and have made peace with everything, though it comes back in my mind every once in a while and makes me question if I truly have accepted this stuff or not.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't accept the fact that I'm a failure as well. My parents consider me one but I don't believe myself to be one.

I don't think you are one either, it's not even a question for me.

 

[Hotsackage]

Alzeimhers

 

[Malaria]

There are plenty, but the worst for me is that I'll never be able to undo all the mistakes I made in high school that led up to some of the most traumatic events of my life. I can't stop myself from dating my ex, or getting involved with other toxic people. I went through trauma and wasted time I'll never get back. Time I could have used for something more valuable and beneficial for me in the long run. It fucks with me.

 

[davidtorez]

1)Aging and all the pains and sicknesses related to it / unable to do the things i once was able to do
2) Not having enough money to do the things I want to do

 

[DreamEnd]

Some people who know you will never get over your death

 

[henry22]

That I started off on the wrong foot from the start d/t childhood abuse and no matter how much I try to heal, it has already changed me forever.

 

[skeletrix]

That I'm incredibly unattractive

 

[HereTomorrow]

1. It was not my fault for being SA'd but it is my fault for letting untreated/unrecognized trauma hurt everyone with my asshole behavior via trauma responses, and if/when I recover I have to live knowing I've damaged people and cannot undo their pain or their perspective of me.

2. Despite urges to CTB, I inevitably will die either way. I want things to end on my own terms.

3. I can't express the joy and gratitude of SaSu IRL or online on main without potentially losing support or god forbid be given hotlines or at worst a wellness check. I've never felt more myself here and it hurts I have to confine it all here.

 

[raincereal]

1. the chance of me finding someone to open up to is non-existent.
2. if i don't CTB, i'm just going to get older, and life in no way is going to get better. it'll just be more painful and more meaningless.
3. it's too late for me to achieve anything, achievements only matter when you're young.
4. i'm just tired, i don't want to be on this earth anymore. i shouldn't keep on complaining and not do anything about it.

 

[untothedepths]

So much. But I think it's always being afraid to admit just how much my past has affected me, and how much I blame myself for not having the inner strength to somehow pull myself out of the situations...even though I had almost no other choice to follow.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I refuse to accept the fact that I'm the same as other people. I pride myself on my uniqueness and individuality, but at the end of the day we are more similar than we are different. I would hate to be average or mediocre, I always strive to be exceptional. My motto is: "Be the best you can be."

Speaking of the other thread on personality, does this sound like you?

 

[sserafim]

Speaking of the other thread on personality, does this sound like you?

It does but I'm actually type 5 haha. I'm 5w4 and 539 I think? Maybe 538. I mainly withdraw and observe. I've always felt like an observer of life rather than a participant in it. I've withdrawn to the point of being a hiki now. I hide from the world, I'm scared to face it. Home and isolation are my comfort zone. What Enneagram type are you?

 

[druggedonsurvival]

That I, along with almost every other person on this site, will probably never ctb. Still worth trying at least once, but damn do I feel trapped in this existence.

 

[wildflowers1996]

the person I love will never ever love me

 

[Labyrinth]

You are profound people, thank you for your knowledge.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

It does but I'm actually type 5 haha. I'm 5w4 and 539 I think? Maybe 538. I mainly withdraw and observe. I've always felt like an observer of life rather than a participant in it. I've withdrawn to the point of being a hiki now. I hide from the world, I'm scared to face it. Home and isolation is my comfort zone. What Enneagram type are you?

I constantly go back and forth between being a type 4 or 5 haha, so I'm either a 5w4 or 4w5.

I definitely relate to what you said about "withdrawing and observing" rather than participating. It's very hard for me to lose myself in the moment and so even "positive" experiences tend to become muted and I don't seem to get much out of them. For example, pro-lifers have often told me that I just need to travel and see the world in order to not be depressed, and even though that's a load of BS, I finally tried it out last year. The result was that I just felt the same as I did here except without my typical comforts, like my coffee and computer and bed. It's as you said earlier: "having to live to avoid negatives rather than gaining a true positive."

 

[bipbapbop]

That he's not coming home. I fucked it all up. I am a fundamentally broken person and I ruined something beautiful.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I'm technically not allergic to any foods but rice. Flovent works. My endoscopy showed I was cleared of the problem. I suppose it could've come back since I have high eosinophils in my blood.

Lucky if it´s only rice even though that one is pretty rare, but I am of course also allergic to rice and it sucks because I have no safe foods.

 

[unabletocope]

That I just can't cope with getting it wrong, that everything I do is on me (even when no one is there)

 

[divinemistress36]

That brain damage and clinical depression is permanent

 

[Dark Window]

That being happy long term, despite being your chances being influenced by your own efforts, is often dependent on good genetics, starting conditions and some degree of luck.

Some ppl are just unlucky.

 

[0000000000000]

Everyone is too busy with their own shit to genuinely care about others, it's understandable but i have no need to put up with this anymore. Deep down there is this silly, innocent little hope that i will run into someone who genuinely cares but in this rotten world, that is extremely unlikely. I have reached a point where i have simply accepted that it's totally pointless to continue with all this.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Lucky if it´s only rice even though that one is pretty rare, but I am of course also allergic to rice and it sucks because I have no safe foods.

I cough (to death) after every meal! The rage I feel! There's no words!

 

[sorlox]

People never change. I'm tired to "forgive and understand", usually multiple times.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I cough (to death) after every meal! The rage I feel! There's no words!

Yeah it´s horrible not to have a normal functioning body, it´s impossible to improve mentally when you´re tortured physically by your body every second of every day.

 

[Endofit]

That I flushed my good life down the drain and its gone forever

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yeah it´s horrible not to have a normal functioning body, it´s impossible to improve mentally when you´re tortured physically by your body every second of every day.

Yeah. It's beyond infuriating being cursed like this. Fuck you Gawd!

 

[luneylonegirl]

1. I can't accept the fact that i'll never be a doctor, married with my bf, and living the best life till i die. I will never saving someone's life. I'll never doing any surgery.
2. I can't accept that fact that i'm super dumb. So i must be trapped in this physics major (low score and low interesting major in my country).
3. I take accounting for double degree as a method to cope number 2.
4. My religion talk a bullshit about hell and heaven.
5. I'm an ugly coward. Seeking attention from others.