What changes to your life would need to happen for you to not want to ctb?

[Kev]

For myself, I think the change I desire most is my face. I hate the way my race looks, and in addition I am below average for my race. It has caused me to experience constant failure and rejection when all I have ever wanted was to love and be loved. Even being a bodybuilder, having a nice haircut, great hygiene, stylish and well-fitting clothes, etc. cannot fix my appearance apparently. Obviously my race and face cannot be changed, which is why I want to CTB.

Winning the lottery would also help. Appearance doesn't matter if you've got absurd wealth.

Also, meeting someone whom which we would have mutual attraction and compatible personalities.

All are impossible or have very little odds of happening.

But for you guys, don't say "nothing"! Surely there must be something that would want to make you stay, no matter how ludicrous. I'd bet waking up with godlike superpowers would change anyone's mind.

 

[Radaghast94]

I'd have to be comfortable talking to people again. Social Anxiety has ruined any dreams I had when I was younger, if I had an easier time communicating then maybe i could make a life for myself. As it goes, it's progressively gotten worse and now I'm almost completely cut off from the world. Anything that made me feel like i could make small talk, hold a job, have a girlfriend or regain the ability to relax and have peace would probably be enough to make me reconsider suicide, unfortunately none of those things seem possible anymore.

 

[Aponia & Ataraxia]

1. Not inhabit a phase-space where the entirety of my temporal existence is dictated by the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics/Biological Aging

2. Watch voluntary assisted suicide become decriminalized in all developed nations before my eyes (within the year) + Universal Basic Income

3. Fast-forward to the 22nd century

None of these are going to occur, so I continue to write my final essay as I ease into autumn on the Colorado Plateau, for my final succession of moments is nigh. Ya' just can't keep an Autotelic down...

I would describe the autotelic personality as being akin to the dog of the litter who is too smart to chase the laser-pointer... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autotelic#Flow

 

[Kev]

I'd have to be comfortable talking to people again. Social Anxiety has ruined any dreams I had when I was younger, if I had an easier time communicating then maybe i could make a life for myself. As it goes, it's progressively gotten worse and now I'm almost completely cut off from the world. Anything that made me feel like i could make small talk, hold a job, have a girlfriend or regain the ability to relax and have peace would probably be enough to make me reconsider suicide, unfortunately none of those things seem possible anymore.

I'm sorry to hear that. My brother is like that, he avoids social interaction as much as possible and in his free time just is on his computer, watching videos and playing games. He seems happy though.

Have you tried overcoming it? There's a ton of well reviewed books, social anxiety therapists, and charisma training courses out there. Obviously they are not a guaranteed solution, but you've got nothing to lose at this point.

 

[Kev]

1. Not inhabit a phase-space where the entirety of my temporal existence is dictated by the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics/Biological Aging

2. Watch voluntary assisted suicide become decriminalized in all developed nations before my eyes (within the year) + Universal Basic Income

3. Fast-forward to the 22nd century

None of these are going to occur, so I continue to write my final essay and ease into autumn on the Colorado Plateau, for my final succession of moments is nigh. Ya' just can't keep an Autotelic down...

I would describe the autotelic personality as being akin to the dog of the litter who is too smart to chase the laser-pointer... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autotelic#Flow

You could try cryogenic freezing lol. If you haven't heard of it, it's essentially flash freezing your body so it shuts down but is still preserved, and you just hope that in the future, technology advances to the point where they can resuscitate you. If you're lucky, you could wake up in the 22nd century, humanity would have figured out immortality, and those law reforms have been put in order! Obviously that's a long shot but it sounds like a nice dream.

 

[Radaghast94]

I'm sorry to hear that. My brother is like that, he avoids social interaction as much as possible and in his free time just is on his computer, watching videos and playing games. He seems happy though.

Have you tried overcoming it? There's a ton of well reviewed books, social anxiety therapists, and charisma training courses out there. Obviously they are not a guaranteed solution, but you've got nothing to lose at this point.

I've tried overcoming it for about 8 years, up until about 2 years ago I was just about hanging on. I was working and seeing friends, in all honesty I was self medicating as well. I've tried a lot of cognitive behavioural therapy but all the knowledge seems to go out the window when I panic. I attempted suicide two years ago and unfortunately I have only gotten worse since. In and out of hospitals and hostels, my friends have stopped seeing me because I'm so awkward. No self confidence and I no longer self medicate, my family is at a loss and I wake up every day terrified. In some ways it's my fault because after the attempt I sort of gave up, after fighting it for so long I just felt exhausted and still do. I lost the will to live and wish I had some passion and hope about life, I exercise every day and try to function at least somewhat but anxiety is kicking my ass.

 

[Kev]

I've tried overcoming it for about 8 years, up until about 2 years ago I was just about hanging on. I was working and seeing friends, in all honesty I was self medicating as well. I've tried a lot of cognitive behavioural therapy but all the knowledge seems to go out the window when I panic. I attempted suicide two years ago and unfortunately I have only gotten worse since. In and out of hospitals and hostels, my friends have stopped seeing me because I'm so awkward. No self confidence and I no longer self medicate, my family is at a loss and I wake up every day terrified. In some ways it's my fault because after the attempt I sort of gave up, after fighting it for so long I just felt exhausted and still do. I lost the will to live and wish I had some passion and hope about life, I exercise every day and try to function at least somewhat but anxiety is kicking my ass.

That's really rough man. I know how it feels like to just try and try for years and come up empty. It's the most soul crushing feeling ever. I've never had issues with anxiety, but I have close friends that really struggle with anxiety, and it does not look fun.

You are strong for continuing to try and function and exercise; I'm kinda in the same boat where I don't really think things will get better, but am just forcing myself to try on the off chance it does. Exercising really does help a lot though, at least for me. I hope you find a solution to your problems, in whatever form that may be.

What were you self medicating with?

 

[Mr2004]

I'd need for time travel to be figured out so I could go back to the year of my username and fix my mistake

 

[Kev]

I'd need for time travel to be figured out so I could go back to the year of my username and fix my mistake

Damn bro I can't imagine going 14 years being haunted by what was clearly a life destroying mistake. What was the mistake?

 

[Radaghast94]

That's really rough man. I know how it feels like to just try and try for years and come up empty. It's the most soul crushing feeling ever. I've never had issues with anxiety, but I have close friends that really struggle with anxiety, and it does not look fun.

You are strong for continuing to try and function and exercise; I'm kinda in the same boat where I don't really think things will get better, but am just forcing myself to try on the off chance it does. Exercising really does help a lot though, at least for me. I hope you find a solution to your problems, in whatever form that may be.

What were you self medicating with?

Ye I hope you can find a way out yourself also, not easy to be without hope. I was using Tramadol because I realised it made me much calmer, I also began using Valium without being smart enough to read into its addiction liability. Made a lot of mistakes in order to control how I felt, I'm sort of ashamed to admit it but I miss opiates, benzo's never really helped and coming off them a year ago was horrendous. I suppose opiate addiction would just be another form of suicide and it is irrational to desire, but when death seems like a good idea then thoughts of drugs sometimes crop up. I have no access to get them so haven't used for a long time.

 

[Mr2004]

Damn bro I can't imagine going 14 years being haunted by what was clearly a life destroying mistake. What was the mistake?

Funnily enough wanting to change my face

 

[Sidestep]

A lobotomy wouldn't hurt.

 

[Smilla]

I need to be dead ASAP.

Floating along doesn't cut it for me.

I need good old death. Quick and clean.

Body carted off to corner then to extinguishment....

Over and done

 

[Kev]

Funnily enough wanting to change my face

Hahahaha that's funny, welcome to the club. Care to elaborate?

 

[Kev]

Ye I hope you can find a way out yourself also, not easy to be without hope. I was using Tramadol because I realised it made me much calmer, I also began using Valium without being smart enough to read into its addiction liability. Made a lot of mistakes in order to control how I felt, I'm sort of ashamed to admit it but I miss opiates, benzo's never really helped and coming off them a year ago was horrendous. I suppose opiate addiction would just be another form of suicide and it is irrational to desire, but when death seems like a good idea then thoughts of drugs sometimes crop up. I have no access to get them so haven't used for a long time.

No need to feel ashamed about it. When your life is so miserable you want to die, then artificial happiness seems like an awfully tempting option. I've actually been meaning to try a nice fat dose of opioids. Kratom, which is only kinda like an opioid, and a light version at that, makes me feel a ton better, so I'm curious to see what all the hype is about.

Speaking of Kratom, that's something that might help you. Like I said it's like a semi-opioid lite, with other properties and substances as well. It's a plant powder that's legal in most countries, including the US, and makes me feel more energetic, positive, and helps quite a bit with social interaction too. It makes you more confident and open, kinda like alcohol, but instead of decreasing of your cognition and motor ability, it boosts them. It's not a miracle cure, and the effects won't be anything like a big dose of Percocets or something, but its a nice subtle effect that is helping me get through life so far.

 

[Delia]

enough money so i can leave my country and live safely away from it, and getting a job as well

 

[Radaghast94]

No need to feel ashamed about it. When your life is so miserable you want to die, then artificial happiness seems like an awfully tempting option. I've actually been meaning to try a nice fat dose of opioids. Kratom, which is only kinda like an opioid, and a light version at that, makes me feel a ton better, so I'm curious to see what all the hype is about.

Haha back in the day I had kratom, always overdid it and got red eye, tasted like shit but worked. Ye whatever gets you through the day is sometimes the way it's gotta be. Opiates are a tricky mistress I'll tell you that much :). Fortunately I never tried really hardcore opiates but even the prescription stuff is bloody strong.

 

[Kev]

I need to be dead ASAP.

Floating along doesn't cut it for me.

I need good old death. Quick and clean.

Body carted off to corner then to extinguishment....

Over and done

Really? There's absolutely nothing? Perhaps the discovery of the multiverse and a portal gun to traverse it Rick and Morty style? Waking up with godlike control over space and time? Winning a billion dollars?

 

[Mr2004]

It sounds like some people have solutions to their problems that are feasible and aren't death. That's good, you should do everything you can. I didn't do anything when there was an answer to my problems and now there isn't one and I can't live with myself

 

[Kev]

Haha back in the day I had kratom, always overdid it and got red eye, tasted like shit but worked. Ye whatever gets you through the day is sometimes the way it's gotta be. Opiates are a tricky mistress I'll tell you that much :). Fortunately I never tried really hardcore opiates but even the prescription stuff is bloody strong.

Oh yeah, the prescription stuff, in the correct dose, is indistinguishable from the "hardcore" ones. Their mechanisms of action and effects are roughly the same as heroin and fentanyl, it's just that they are regulated much more so when people can't get prescription opiates, they turn to the black market shit. Preferably I'd like to get my hands on a few pills of oxycodone and try opiates that way, no risk of fucking up the dose or ingesting something that is impure and toxic.

 

[great-ape99]

Nothing, but I plan on living a full healthy life until about 65ish.

 

[Leavemebe]

I'd consider sticking around if I had a family. Chosen or blood, I dont care. I wanted children of my own for as long as I can remember. I've got a mother's heart, and it breaks every single day.

Too many people have invited me to be a part of their children's lives, only to use that against me at the first opprotunity or the first fight. My best friend of 10 years named me god mother to her first baby, and even she yanked that out from under me. I lost an entire support system over that fight. An entire family that was not blood to me just no longer there. Now they want me back because the father of the children is capable of kicking the bucket any day over his injuries. It makes me feel like I'm only allowed to be happy if it benefits someone else.

 

[StarDust]

The world would have to change and my mind would have to be erased....there are some things that I person cannot continually live with. Some scars run deeper than others and one can only take so much.

 

[FadedMemory]

If somehow people I hurt forgave me.
If I didn't have social anxiety.
If I somehow forgot traumatic memories.
Mainly the first one, but it isn't possible.

 

[CRM]

I'd have to be someone else entirely. My personality cannot happily exist. There are things that would make me feel better, but I'll never be content with this brain in this body on this Earth.

 

[Oblivion]

Winning the lottery, i would spend my days getting drunk, travelling and having sex.
better than death.

 

[sky7]

If I could heal the psychological damage done by my time in the military I would probably be okay. And getting a job in my field wouldn't hurt either.

 

[ScaredOfLife]

Being cured of anxiety and depression.
Winning the lottery. (I want to win the lottery but I don't play it, so that will never happen.)

 

[overkill]

a certain girl wanting to be at least friends with me

 

[shadow11]

Being cured of my anxiety and stomach issues and all the fear that goes with it