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lonelyraven

lonelyraven

Member
Feb 26, 2024
10
What broke you to the point of suicide and joining SS?

For me, my daughter died in a horrible accident. My partner committed suicide two weeks later. That was almost 5 years ago and I'm still stuck in the same place I was after they died. I've been extremely suicidal since and I just can't take this for much longer but I don't want to go in a violent way. I want to pretty much just go to sleep and never wake up. So here I am.

What about you guys?
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
34,806
In my case I just wish to die as I see existence as completely undesirable in every way possible, existence itself is the problem rather than there being something that "broke" me. I have no interest in suffering in this cruel, meaningless and futile existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

For me only permanently ceasing to exist is desirable, only death can bring me peace from the torturous and pointless burden of existing as a human. I find it such a horrific tragedy how life even exists at all, I'd prefer to not exist under all circumstances as existing is nothing but suffering yet nobody can be harmed by the absence of everything.
 
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RedHates

RedHates

Purple is a neut.
Jun 21, 2023
120
when i was 11, i lost someone very close to me and i never recovered. last year, i had to live with my half brother and he did some really awful things to me. i was depressed before, but him constantly assaulting me made me suicidal.
 
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R_N

R_N

-Memento Mori-
Dec 3, 2019
1,407
"Therapy". But I was suicidal before that too. I just had a lot of unfortunate events in life that made me unable to fit in well and I was dissapointed in humanity as a whole, starting from myself. I also think my experiences alienated me further from society.

But I am not sure if that was all, I also noticed how different I felt compared to others from early age and often I forced myself to be a chameleon.

Thing that hurt most was how unempathetic everyone is and how every bond seemed superficial.
 
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Unknown21

Unknown21

この世界は残酷だ。
Apr 25, 2023
739
What broke you to the point of suicide and joining SS?

For me, my daughter died in a horrible accident. My partner committed suicide two weeks later. That was almost 5 years ago and I'm still stuck in the same place I was after they died. I've been extremely suicidal since and I just can't take this for much longer but I don't want to go in a violent way. I want to pretty much just go to sleep and never wake up. So here I am.

What about you guys?
One word, "poverty".
 
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ctbcat

ctbcat

Yes, the everlasting contrast.
Jul 14, 2023
184
I was always broken. I joined SS due to an ED relapse (i'm no longer in that, but the suicidal ideation stuck lol) but... specifically my downward spiral was from a breakup - it was the catalyst, that's where it all started to fall over for me. it wasn't long or meaningful or anything... somehow, it just... a messy clump of circumstances lead to a somewhat stable-looking life becoming one that was visibly troubling for both myself and everyone around me
 
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H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,083
Accutane
 
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strangelife

strangelife

Specialist
Feb 16, 2024
368
I was healthy 3 months ago, then got bad illness and I am here, found my method, bought SN, and looking for exit. I love life but not in this body this time
 
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qu13t5l33p

qu13t5l33p

Member
Jan 21, 2024
17
I was bullied excessively when I was 12/13. I was then regularly SA'd by a older man when I was 14/15. I learned slowly over those years that the less I talk, be around other people, do anything, the less painful life is. At 16 I finally realized that you can't be in pain if you're dead, and that death for me is better than living. It's been 10 years and I still feel the same way.
 
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notforl0ng

notforl0ng

Student
Feb 19, 2024
130
My mom committed suicide when I was 17. That was 7 years ago and I'm still 17 and living in the same month it happened, every single day.
 
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TheSpookyNameGuy

TheSpookyNameGuy

There's nothing here..
Apr 30, 2023
646
2 suicide attempts at 8.

Emotional neglect forever, parents showed kindness in physical items only, never helped me and actively got in the way of my self help.

14 animals bonded and sold on later by parents who got angry at them, apparently you have to train dogs, wow who'd have thought..

All friends betrayed me out of nowhere, not all at once but took advantage of my kindness and help.

Screw humanity, ive a certain enjoyment when i see kids gun down their parents. It brings joy to my heart, it really does.
 
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U

ultrasharpy123456

Mage
Aug 18, 2022
547
High School
 
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R_N

R_N

-Memento Mori-
Dec 3, 2019
1,407
I am really sorry. At one point when I was going through puberty I nearly took it but ultimately decided against it after reading horror stories. My acne went away on it's own after what it seemed like eternity.

Too bad psychiatry ruined my health years later. It is hard to resist these so called "magic pills" for everything.
 
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Final_Choice

Final_Choice

Mage
Aug 3, 2023
517
Trauma from when I was 5 started it, but that and medical conditions made it worse and also raised new problems through out my life slowly over time until I realized that it would be torture to continue to endure it all.
 
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Malaria

Malaria

If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead
Feb 24, 2024
1,086
I have various mental/neurological disorders (autism, BPD, PTSD, possibly also PMDD and OCD), and trauma from experiencing abuse (physical, verbal, and sexual), neglect, and bullying.
 
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A

Aloneandinpain

Member
Dec 25, 2023
75
I don't think I'm completely broken yet, but pain/illness combined with loneliness and nothing but rejection really is quite the combination sometimes. I could handle my situation if it was temporary, but it just becomes more permanent every day.
 
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O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,392
Girlfriend of 35 years died
 
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T

TiredOfAllThis

Arcanist
Feb 5, 2024
442
Not exactly broken - just very tired.
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
3,081
I was just simply born broken
 
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Unattainable666

Unattainable666

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2023
1,346
1989 my little girl was murdered. SS didn't exist (or I didn't know about it). Life became a shit show and I became suicidal. I'm so grateful to SS and the mods for giving me a place to grieve, curse, rant and finally say out loud that I want to die.
 
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I

InAgony

Student
Feb 19, 2024
121
Physical health problems which then caused mental health poblems which then caused more physical health problems which again caused mental health problems...

The thing that eventually pushed me to join SS was my mum died.
 
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divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Enlightened
Jan 1, 2024
1,948
When a guy who is doctor by profession snapped my neck and caused me to have a stroke and then electroshock therapy
 
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Bed

Bed

Global Mod
Aug 24, 2019
785
Chronic pain and health issues. knowing my body will most likely keep deteriorating and the pain will only get worse. I just want to be healthy again but i've been told by specialists i'll deal with chronic pain for the rest of my life.
 
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dragonofenvy

dragonofenvy

Mage
Oct 8, 2023
517
Spending years and years without anyone to talk to and dealing with PTSD among other issues. Realizing that I spent my whole childhood thinking it'd get better in the future, only to realize that I had been fighting for a future that would be the same misery over and over.
 
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loslassen

loslassen

call me June
Dec 8, 2023
135
A collection of unfortunate events that made my life go from bad to worse, false hope broke me much too many times, and a bunch of disorders I developed throughout my childhood, developed chronic illness and its symptoms, then an extreme poverty… it was gradual, but I feel less like pushing through every day.
 
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lonelyraven

lonelyraven

Member
Feb 26, 2024
10
when i was 11, i lost someone very close to me and i never recovered. last year, i had to live with my half brother and he did some really awful things to me. i was depressed before, but him constantly assaulting me made me suicidal.
Im so sorry. I relate, being constantly assaulted in any way drains the life out of you. Idk if you feel the same but I wish my abusers killed me, it would have been a mercy compared to having to live like this.
Spending years and years without anyone to talk to and dealing with PTSD among other issues. Realizing that I spent my whole childhood thinking it'd get better in the future, only to realize that I had been fighting for a future that would be the same misery over and over.
That's exactly how I feel too. I lived through hell as a kid, always wanting someone to save me, only to grow up and realize I have to be the only one to save me. My love was helping me so much and then she died. I don't even know where to start. With them gone there's no purpose of going through this endless misery.
Chronic pain and health issues. knowing my body will most likely keep deteriorating and the pain will only get worse. I just want to be healthy again but i've been told by specialists i'll deal with chronic pain for the rest of my life.
Felt that 100%, I live with Fibo, Endo, EDS and friends. I'm pretty young yet I'm deteriorating so fast. It's only going to get worse as I get older and it feels like it's just not worth the fight. Neither my physical nor my mental health is ever going to get better not in a long-term impactful way. And having to live with this the rest of my life? No way.
May we find peace and whatever lies in the great beyond.
1989 my little girl was murdered. SS didn't exist (or I didn't know about it). Life became a shit show and I became suicidal. I'm so grateful to SS and the mods for giving me a place to grieve, curse, rant and finally say out loud that I want to die.
I'm so sorry. My daughter was murdered too, I just call it an accident bc people prod about it and I can't bare to answer questions about it or her. It's a horrendous thing to have to go through. Literally a parents worst nightmare. I feel like a failure, like I had one job and totally dropped the ball. May we find peace in death and what comes after.
 
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lonelyraven

lonelyraven

Member
Feb 26, 2024
10
I was bullied excessively when I was 12/13. I was then regularly SA'd by a older man when I was 14/15. I learned slowly over those years that the less I talk, be around other people, do anything, the less painful life is. At 16 I finally realized that you can't be in pain if you're dead, and that death for me is better than living. It's been 10 years and I still feel the same way.
I'm sorry to hear about your trauma. Chronic trauma is very wearing on the soul. It's a big reason I'm here too. The only true out is death as much as I hate to say it for some of us. May we find the warmth we need in death.
One word, "poverty".
Fucking 100% I'm so fucking tired of living paycheck to paycheck and always bleeding money. I want to break this cycle in my family but I just can't.
 
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RemainingDubious

RemainingDubious

All of these lies are not worth fighting for
Feb 18, 2024
309
High School
When on about Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.

In the liner notes of the album In Time: The Best of R.E.M. 1988–2003, Buck wrote that "the reason the lyrics are so atypically straightforward is because it was aimed at teenagers", and "I've never watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but the idea that high school is a portal to hell seems pretty realistic to me." The song was used in the 1992 film Buffy the Vampire Slayer that preceded the show.

Maybe high schools actually are a portal to hell.
 
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Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
2,273
My family.
 
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