What broke you?

[ijustwishtodie]

That time a woman who initially wanted a relationship with me ended up choosing someone else over me because I was emotionally unavailable for a couple of months due to having had my car broken into multiple times and because I accidentally told her I was okay with just being her friend at first since she had initially stated she was trying to get over a bad breakup by the way the guy she chose over me was a piece of shit and now I hate all members of his race so I guess I'm also a piece of shit.

^^^world's worst anime title…

Soon there will be a time where the title of an anime is longer than the entire dialogue that happens within said anime

 

[Hunter2005]

Brain injury, concussion, bullying from childhood, dysfunctional family, chaotic life, learning disability

 

[divinemistress36]

Brain injury, concussion, bullying from childhood, dysfunctional family, chaotic life, learning disability

Having a brain injury Is so damn hard

 

[strangelife]

What broke you to the point of suicide and joining SS?

For me, my daughter died in a horrible accident. My partner committed suicide two weeks later. That was almost 5 years ago and I'm still stuck in the same place I was after they died. I've been extremely suicidal since and I just can't take this for much longer but I don't want to go in a violent way. I want to pretty much just go to sleep and never wake up. So here I am.

What about you guys?

I'm so sorry. I think loosing a child is the worst ever happened

 

[todiefor]

Divorce, and realising that all the dreams and goals I've been working so hard for, and the ppl that I worked so hard for, don't really actually care about me in the slightest. All four of my trusted people, including my parents and my ex just wanted me when I was strong and successful for them, but when I am vulnerable and needed them the most and reached out for support no one was there. My friends were there but not my supposed family. Family is everything to me and since then there's been a complete collapse of sense of trust in myself and others.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

My father

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Unemployment. Then loneliness. Then the mental health issues that resulted from the two.

 

[DesperateOne]

Isolation, internet addiction and mental illness. My parents were supposed to be there to notice and help, but they didn't put that much effort into it and so I drowned. I'm an abomination now...

 

[LifeTransit_1]

My parents mostly but you can also throw in my family cause they all have thrown me under the bus for no reason. I am person with autism who was wrongfully born into a family that are very conservative, anti-suicide and very much believe in conspiracy theories. I am a autistic person who was basically abused me to an extreme that it has emotionally scarred me to this day.

Yet, I am forced to live with my parents because they know that once I move out I'm gonna CTB and don't want that. I tried getting help and nothing worked... I am a prisoner of my parents till they die really... I don't share my political beliefs with them at all just becuase I know I will get brainwashed into their beliefs... I refuse to go to church becuase i don't have a religion, yet they force me too.

These are just some of things my parents do to me. And trust me there are a lot more.

 

[_Broken_alice]

It's been a series of things...
Our bio-mother never wanted us. (She wanted a girl and would scream that at us so much we told family she no longer needed us once our sister was born.) She drugged us to make us drowsy instead of being a parent. She abused us to the point we were always covered in bruises. She brought us around people no child should be around. (Really bad drug scene). Constant neglect... Oh, and the only time she wanted anything to do with us was after news about us being trans somehow made it's way to that side of the genetic pool.
Poverty from birth until now.
Our bio-father never knew how to be a parent.
We were often handed off to whoever would take care of us for a few months to a year or so.
Our bio-father's second wife physically and emotionally abused us. We'd get beaten if one of our so-called siblings would just go to her and say we did something.
Sent to an inpatient facility because surely we must be the problem...
Sent to go live with family again at some point...
Trans in a world that is not good... Also forced into the closet for almost 2 decades. So much trauma around trying to discover ourselves rather than the miserable lie everyone "knew".
Autistic, ADHD, EUPD, and many other MH issues...
SA'd at 16yo. First serious CTB attempt just hours later. Unfortunately a failure.
Physically assaulted by our bio-father at around the same time for just trying to leave the room as everything was overwhelming.
His current wife treated us like shit until we moved out with no notice to go live with the person that SA'd us.
Saw a fully uncensored murder of the LGBT+ leader at a tech college we drove by every day on the way to work and were working out the finances of attending. It was a murder by hothead rookie cop. Even the more experienced officer on scene was clearly pissed as he was trying to deescalate what was clearly a mental breakdown. News played if off like hothead was in the right...
Messed up our back at the job we should have quit only to receive no help to this day for it. Fuck. We were weeks away from quitting. Months at worst. We just had to pay off our car and could have done so ~3 months from then... We planned to save every dollar we could, sell our truck, and put all that + tax return into paying it off.
We were drugged by an ex highschool friend. (Spiked cannabis. Still don't know what with but we know this person desperately wanted in our pants.) Gaslit about that for years...
Witnessed animal neglect and abuse firsthand over the span of ~2 years with no way out of that situation and too afraid and too weak to speak up. The fortunate victims died. The puppy really broke us and killed what little remaining faith we had in humanity.
Tried to have a talk with bio-father nearly 7 years after moving out about how we were treated only to be constantly gaslit to the point we killed the conversation and regretted trying to talk about it at all... Never brought it up and never will again. He can read all about it in our suicide note addressed to him.
Came out as trans to family.. Guess how much of that 'family' was supportive... The only male that was is our step brother, and past issues will forever make us not like him even though he is turning his life around. Kind of hard to ever forgive someone that enjoyed watching you get abused for his lies during childhood... Our bio-father continued to dead-name and misgender us throughout the divorce. (Claimed he couldn't wrap his head around they/them pronouns...) We disowned him and the rest right afterward. We won't even ask him for financial help as we wait to die. He could easily afford it, but we would rather die than ask for his help again.
Divorce... We lost our best friend, our partner, and our favorite person all at once unexpectedly. We also lost our precious kitty who is a daughter to us. We can't even think of her without crying including now.. Our ex also decided to come home and sleep in the same bed as us just to drop the news the next morning.. We were just starting to get better too. We really think she would have liked who we could have been within months, but she and her severely mentally unstable friend made her decision.
And now, almost a year later mostly in isolation, we don't even know what is real anymore. The only thing that feels real is the pain.
We get to know every day that our partners are together while we rot away and wait to run out of money which will be our queue to take our SN.
We regret ever opening back up to anyone. For a few months, we thought we could do better... We didn't realize one of our alters was sacrificing herself to give the rest of us a chance. We opened up to our partners and then she broke... Now it is just more people to hurt when our time runs out.

Life has been awful. 29 years of this has been way too much. We're so tired. Every moment of every day spent in severe pain both physically and emotionally. All we really want in life is to be taken care of for once and to have a chance to heal. We can't take care of ourselves anymore. We honestly wish we could just take our SN right now but we care more about others than ourselves. We have never really felt wanted or truly loved in our life. We are so tired of this. We wish we didn't have a genetic defect that renders opiates useless to us... If we didn't have that defect, we would OD on fentanyl and do our best to make it look like an accidental overdose to hurt people less. Oh well. When we run out of money in a few months, there will be nothing left to hold us here anymore. Maybe alice breaks again before then and does us a favor.

 

[kanashikunaika]

What broke you to the point of suicide and joining SS?

For me, my daughter died in a horrible accident. My partner committed suicide two weeks later. That was almost 5 years ago and I'm still stuck in the same place I was after they died. I've been extremely suicidal since and I just can't take this for much longer but I don't want to go in a violent way. I want to pretty much just go to sleep and never wake up. So here I am.

What about you guys?

I spent about a decade tirelessly working at something, just for it to mean nothing in the end. Now I can't bring myself to put work into anything else, and I'm considering ending it, so that I can just sleep for the rest of time.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I've seen a few of your posts, and they remind me a little of myself. I find it interesting that you regret it happening, as I often feel the exact same way. It was incredible while it was happening, but it went to hell so fast, and I regret ever doing it, because I have been tortured by it for years on end (along with everything else). Do you ever get sick of people repeating that stupid Tennyson line? I do. I really hate it, but people just repeat it over and over like robots.

Luckily, not a lot of people I know are readers so they don't really repeat Tennyson's line as it, however, they do say stupid shit based on their interpretation of it so i'd have to agree 1 trillion percent that it's a pain in the ass, no matter how it's said.
And yeah, i agree, people do repeat it over and over and over, but the thing i find ironic is that if they were the ones who experience it, they probably wouldn't have been able to handle it quietly. It's one of those things: it's easier to give advice without having gone through it, rather than give advice after going through a similar situation.

 

[Meteora]

My "parents"/childhood and after that therapists and psychiatry. Got broken twice.

 

[WatermelonMel]

I was born broken (autism), miserable existence being so disconnected from the world, always wanted to die.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

Deep, seething self-hatred. I could never love myself. I'm repulsive.

 

[PixelPlant]

idk what it is but at a young age I knew life's pointless. even attempted ctb a couple of times then and I'm surprised I'm still here

 

[Ephemeron]

And yeah, i agree, people do repeat it over and over and over, but the thing i find ironic is that if they were the ones who experience it, they probably wouldn't have been able to handle it quietly. It's one of those things: it's easier to give advice without having gone through it, rather than give advice after going through a similar situation.

That's it. I think it's an issue of people mostly going through periods of dating where they go through a lot of people and can't imagine why you can't just get over "a relationship". Sometimes it's not simply a matter of another person that comes in and out of your life.

Divorce, and realising that all the dreams and goals I've been working so hard for, and the ppl that I worked so hard for, don't really actually care about me in the slightest. All four of my trusted people, including my parents and my ex just wanted me when I was strong and successful for them, but when I am vulnerable and needed them the most and reached out for support no one was there. My friends were there but not my supposed family. Family is everything to me and since then there's been a complete collapse of sense of trust in myself and others.

Similar situation. She loved me when I was strong, when I presented as a confident, optimistic man. But as soon as I started showing signs of damage, she didn't give a shit and started the long, drawn out process of resenting me. There's a user around here who posts stuff about how women generally hate weak men, and that has been my experience, but it seems like you're a woman (maybe?), and if so, I wonder how you would be if it was the other way around?

 

[jonward55]

Money

 

[roku6]

I lost hope. This whole process started back in early childhood because of neglecting parents. I was the odd one, alone and barely had friends.
I picked up lonely coping mechanisms which held me back during adolescence and early adulthood. Covid was the first breaking point when I had a job I no longer enjoyed, the people I worked with I did not feel comfortable with. I started to lose interest in my hobbies. The next, final breaking point was at the end of covid Iockdown I had really stressful months and after some weeks I lost the ability to feel joy, it happened so suddenly I could not believe it. Only anxiety and panic attacks remained. Since then I tried medication which did not help, in fact I got permanent loud tinnitus which tortures me constantly. 1 year in this state broke me down completely, I lost my job, my remaining social connections no matter how hard I tried, what therapies I attended. At this point I know I won't receive any help. I just want out, I had suffered enough.

 

[mtoro998]

Divorce, someone stealing a substancial amount of money from me, and a legal situation.

 

[saltedslug]

My entire life has been a losing uphill battle. I think I could cope with repeated negative personal experiences but I can't deal with the realities of how the world works. I'm not a schizo but at this point, I feel like they're probably clocked into reality more than the average man.

 

[Kurai]

mistakes

 

[Dliena]

My brain.

 

[grungy自殺]

Rejection

 

[greebo6]

Everything

 

[Meteora]

Parents/Childhood, therapists, social workers

 

[sunsetbeach]

The newest article regarding MDS source...

 

[untothedepths]

Being born and raised by two really fucked up individuals. Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse which the physical and emotional only got worse when I became a teenager. Was isolated and without other human contact for a long time under the premise of "living off the grid" as they wanted, which really means "We really don't want our brat to snitch on our ass!" There were also numerous others who touched me inappropriately - other children, their friends, and even my cousin. I guess it comes with being a homeless/poor child huh? Even so, I ended up loving my parents despite everything they did so it further fucked me up and over. My brain shoved everything into the back of my head and kept me from really feeling that emotional pain until one of them died when I was still a teen. On the day they died I just suddenly realized what the fuck had happened to me but I had to keep "quiet" because the other parent would claim I'd probably lie anyways. The worst part was leaving home and realizing how fucking broken I was. I wasn't normal, I had and still do have issues in regards to trust and all relationships, and it was only over the course of time and my own mistakes did I realize that nothing about my life was normal and just stressful. It was legitimately fucking hell I wouldn't wish on anyone. And I can't hate my parents as much as I want to, something in me just stops when I think about it. Hell, I don't even hate the strangers who fucked me up either. I just hate myself. And now my physical health is really shitty too and my mental instability is worse and I don't have money to fix those problems...so whats the solution? What the fuck else do I have in life besides trying desperately to cling onto escapism?

 

[whaleandwasp]

Coming home on Christmas Eve 2020 to find the love of my life dead on the floor. I was 36 years old and a widower. The quality of my life had been in a decline prior to that, but that is ultimately what did it and I have never recovered.

 

[VoidedExistence]

Parents babied me my entire life and then when I turned the adult age, I was supposed to know everything about adulting, but I didn't know and my life has been going downhill ever since.