I feel like I'm going insane. I don't know if it's because I've already given up on life, which gives me a "unique" perspective on life, but I feel like I'm noticing things that I shouldn't be noticing. I know that I'm not the only one seeing what I'm seeing. The probability of that is literally impossible. However, I feel so isolated that it certainly feels like I'm an outlier for noticing this one simple fact: we are running around in a circle, one that we often uphold ourselves.
I try to forget this everyday because I get significantly more depressed once I remember it. It makes me feel like another small, wretched creature who cannot escape this constantly repeating maze. It's like living in PT.
Learning about Internet trends is my hobby. I've had unrestricted Internet access since the day my brain could remember things, so it fascinates me to see how it evolves as time passes. For the most part, it's a relatively tame hobby. I like seeing 2010's Creepypasta and scene culture turn into 2020's MHA and e-boy/girl culture. However, while just passively learning about the latest beauty trend, I was forcefully reminded of the aforementioned fact that time is truly just a circle.
Every single time a beauty trend where absurdly skinny bodies are glorified wanes, suddenly that one person online, who yapped about how fat people are ugly piggies and that you should shame yourself into losing weight, starts talking about body positivity. Of course, your first thought would be "Oh, so they have changed as a person and developed a healthier outlook on their body's appearance", but nope, that's a bit too optimistic. Because the moment skinny bodies are back in vogue, that same person would go back to using AI filters to make themselves look fat so that they can, once again, call fat people pigs 'n such like the unoriginal human they are.
And this is just one example! It's happened to things as (relatively) harmless like fashion to things as serious as mental illness.
It drives me crazy—not because trends are recycled, but because it just frustrates me seeing people spout a whole lotta nothing. They complain about mental illness, insecurity, and the damages that societal pressure have on people, yet turn around to perpetuate the same systems encouraging these things. And this happens. Every. Single. Time!
I can't keep defending humanity to myself at this point. With every little bit of knowledge I learn, I gain one reason to have faith in humanity and fifty reasons to call for a meteor to wipe humanity out. Honestly, it has me acting like a misanthropic caricature until I forcefully, and metaphorically, lobotomize myself with whatever slop social media serves me.
