• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
4,912
He took himself off the transplant waiting list and claims that he can't put himself back on it again, meaning that his is going to fucking die! I can't wrap my around why he would so this to himself! Like why?! A part of me wants to threaten suicide against him. This isn't anything new and I've never acted on those urges before, but this time I'm actually considering doing it for the sake of trying to get him to at least attempt to put himself back on the waiting list. I know it is wrong and selfish and, thankfully, I'm too much of a coward to act on those urges, but I don't want him to die. I love him too much! I mesdage him at least once a die! I don't want him to he gone! Why would he do this! I am so upset right adn I don't know what to to! I hate this so much! I don't want him to die! I don't want him to fie I don't want him to die! Why would he do this to himself! I still don't get it! He keeps on talking about having too much to do and whatnot but I don't get how that explains him screwing himself over like this! I don't fucking get it! I don't know what to do


Edit: he says it's not worth it and rhat he would rather just die. I know that it's hypocritical of me to be upset with his decision since it is his body at the end of day, but I hate it so much. I don't want him to go. Messaging him is one of those little highlights of my day and knowing that I might not be able tk do that one day makes me upset. I don't want him to go.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: MyDeath88 and CTB Dream
MyDeath88

MyDeath88

Stairs to the stairs to the stairs to the stairs
Jun 25, 2024
10
I'd like to stop.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: wham311 and CTB Dream
Dejected 55

Dejected 55

Arcanist
May 7, 2025
455
The most alone and isolated I have ever felt. I feel so far back inside my skull that when I think it echoes. I look out around me from way back inside my skull and everything seems so far away. I can't even imagine or dream of finding a place to belong or a person to belong with. Everything about society and most people seems completely alien to me and nearly unfathomable. I sometimes still wish I could understand, have someone with me in my life, but I know these things are impossible. I just sit here draining of energy and willpower and hope and longing for the day when the only thing I have motivation for is the end.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: Unbearable Mr. Bear and wham311

Similar threads

R
Replies
2
Views
157
Recovery
Sabrinaxox
Sabrinaxox
ASilentHope
Replies
3
Views
277
Suicide Discussion
ASilentHope
ASilentHope
L
Replies
3
Views
216
Suicide Discussion
adoptedpain
adoptedpain
S
Replies
2
Views
208
Suicide Discussion
wham311
W