Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[CTB Dream]

rly awfl me no hav no do any lose all lif me injury damage lose all

 

[CTB Dream]

this all awfl me say injury damage come come nobd come

 

[Prism]

I'd give anything to go back to those days

 

[singingcrow]

tired of life

 

[6lackstar]

I just feel like I'm not really there

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Sixth week; my (Elementary) Japanese teacher wants us to present in front of our class and conduct a full conversation with our classmates tomorrow. THEN, we have an exam/test this Thursday typed completely in Hiragana. No notes—just a study guide and remembering everything we've learned (gone over) so far. Add to that I have to complete an in-class essay exam on Wednesday.

I'm almost praying to be hit by a car again. I'm so sick of this bullshit; I have anxiety. The idiots won't even bother not to clap/stare if you ask them to.

 

[ざいわ]

soo tired. i don't feel likegoing outside tomorrrow but im forced2 fuck

 

[jernmo]

I feel like I cannot trust anyone apart from my immediate family. Everyone has betrayed me in some way or another and it is becaause they see me as an Alien I am not human to them. I do not know what I di dto deserve this treatment, I cannot control the way I look and I apologize for that. I just dont know how to cope other than getting high. I have spent my last month and a half constantly high - at home, school, with friends... my sanity is hanging on by a thread!!! I cannot believe I am letting the man who wants my bestfriend get to me like this.. I am purely just disgusted!!

I feel like I cannot trust anyone apart from my immediate family. Everyone has betrayed me in some way or another and it is becaause they see me as an Alien I am not human to them. I do not know what I di dto deserve this treatment, I cannot control the way I look and I apologize for that. I just dont know how to cope other than getting high. I have spent my last month and a half constantly high - at home, school, with friends... my sanity is hanging on by a thread!!! I cannot believe I am letting the man who wants my bestfriend get to me like this.. I am purely just disgusted!!

I am high typing this rn DdD:; some one save me

 

[BlendedHeart]

Today is my 37th birthday. I hope it is my last.

Same thing I thought last year, and the previous one, and the previous one...

 

[sukiduki]

feeling like giving up more and more each day. but i have to last until december. sucks. i really question how i'm gonna make it. i burst into tears throughout the day.

i feel so hopeless. so worthless. so unneeded.

i wish i could forget everything that caused me pain. how do other people have so much positivity?

 

[Lullaby]

I get hyperfixated on topics for some reason; sometimes it'll be about things I really enjoy, and other times, it's about heavier topics — which sucks because I'm really emotionally sensitive, and this stuff will way heavily on my mind.

I don't really want to get into this, but I've been reading about violence prevention lately (especially today) and just got done with this really amazing article about it that has really changed the way I look at others who've harmed people and took their own lives after.

I'm totally sure there's people on here who struggle with those feelings, and If you happen to see this, I just want to say you guys matter. Your thoughts, feelings, and trauma all matter — even if the world doesn't make you feel like it does.

This is seriously the only place where I feel comfortable talking about my issues and how suicidal I am, without someone else jumping down my throat about how wrong it is, instead of just trying to take the time to understand me and why.

I really wish it was more comfortable to do that in person.

 

[x3la]

I want to be the best version of myself and do all those things that others seemingly can.
But how can you find the strength to keep going when most social situations turn into me awkwardly walking around, making halfbaked small talk at best, when going for a night out ends up with me sitting at a table, trying to stay on the tail of my friends who have no problem having fun, and who know more people than i do, or me attempting to enjoy the music and dance with predictable results?

When your best friend is more in touch with mutual friends and does way more stuff with them, talking about it after the fact, and not inviting me? When you try to do something new, volunteer at events just to end up being given non-important tasks and hardly connect with anyone other than a surface level?

When all the time i see people my age or younger doing having had so many more experiences that i should have already gotten over at this point, whether it be relationships, uni, or active social engagements?

Sure, my life may be OK looking in - decent relationship with parents, stable job that pays alright, and all most basic needs fulfilled. But i just want what *they* have.
The voice in the back of my head can be positive, but it sure turns the other way real fast as soon as reality hits.

And i hate that.
Damn it, i just want to be able to tell someone that things are going to be alright, to be a stable rock.
And sure, i've kind of done that briefly.
But it didn't feel like it.

Bleh.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Just got done chatting with my bf. He was in the hospital and got out a few days ago. He's been sleeping a lot and it's only today that I got some more details about what was going on. I don't want to go into it. He says that he is fine and he's now going to have a nurse come over to check on him and help with his medications and diet. I'm relieved that he is feeling better but I still feel worried about him. I hope that his health improves. I love him so much and I don't want something like this to ever happen again. He means so much to me.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

tired. There are too many hours in the day. I don't have the energy to pass them in a worthwhile way.
.....waiting....
.........waiting..........
...............waiting.................

 

[darksouls2kicksass]

I'm getting players for my recital and i fucking hate asking people to play. I feel like most of the people at my uni hate me (fair enough tbh) and I won't be able to get a recital together for the third time in a row. I hate my school, I hate my teacher, and I hate how my time here has made me feel about music. I can't speak to people. I can barely look them in the eyes anymore. It's getting harder and harder to blend in. I can't pretend to be a normal person for much longer. One of these days I'm gonna snap. i see my therapist in 9 hours so that's nice. Tomorrow's gonna fucking suck ass tho

RIP Joey Jordison
Shit don't change. I've been saying that since I was a kid-- isnt' that proof that shit don't change?? I'm still just a kid staying up listening to music drinking a 2 liter of mountain dew. I've always been this way. Music taste, sense of humor, interests, nothing has ever changed. I'm just older now. I have to pay my rent and get a real job and graduate and do a whole bunch of trite meaningless bullshit just to make it to tomorrow night. I miss the marble blast ultra demo for the 360, and i miss blue carpets. I miss my dead dogs and my love for classical music. I can't even listen to it recreationally anymore. I'm so burnt out. Life ruined, gg. I'm going to hell and nobody will even bat an eye

 

[Promised Heaven]

I've been taking so much weed I had to stop myself because I am this close to building an addiction. I luckily have enough control to stop myself. 24 hours so far without weed and my head is spinning and my mind craves it. I miss my friend so much. This has been keeping life tolerable but I'm also hurting myself with it so badly.

 

[Electra]

I'm pressured, stressed, tense. I cannot relax. I need something to make it light and not so heavy anymore. I'm also feeling guilty, because in the moments like this I still strive perfection from myself. I wanna float and not drown.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Getting cursed out for Valentine's Day, yay! :D

 

[WhenIBreathe]

Exhausted, lonely, dreading another night of insomnia

 

[TheHolySword]

last year i spent valentine's day with the girl of my dreams. today i am all alone. i ruined everything so i could kill myself without hurting her. i would give anything to hear her voice again

 

[Dark Moon]

Not really feeling anything, just numb to everything at this point.

 

[Seaghost]

Visited the grocery store. It almost happend I didn't go. I didn't wanted to leave the house.
In.the end it wasn't bad at all but it made my energy level goes to zero
Right now I'm in my bad with ear plugs. I don't wanna hear the world.

 

[CTB Dream]

me rly sad this lif alws pain sffr

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

powerful, in control. exhausted and a little uncertain, but prepared.

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

Bored, powerless and sleepy I would say.

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

God abandoned me, this is how i feel

 

[CapitánBeto]

I just woke up and I'm hungry.
I'd like an avocado toast with eggs, green leaves and tomato... and warm a latte.

 

[sadalways]

Lonely as hell and drunk

 

[Electra]

I feel so much and can't tell what it is exactly. It's exhausting.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I've actually delayed my CTB date from March 1st to March 10th because I wanted to get my head scanned for chronic head pressure for the past ten months but the insurance denied the scan saying they need 12 weeks worth of head pressure and my recent appointment claiming I suffered for months does not count as 12 weeks, despite having a medical history of me complaining since October.

I need to suffer THREE MONTHS more before I could even confirm a fucking diagnosis. I have no other treatment plan because they can't treat what they can't see or diagnose. I thought I was doing a good thing by reaching out but honestly I'm just ready to die. The one time I actually use my health insurance I get denied. This has got to be a joke. I am 90% sure I have chronic sinusitis and the main way to diagnose is a CT scan, which I got denied.

I rarely use my insurance, I'm gonna cry. Worst part is I won't CTB on the day I want, just suffer longer.