I want to be the best version of myself and do all those things that others seemingly can.
But how can you find the strength to keep going when most social situations turn into me awkwardly walking around, making halfbaked small talk at best, when going for a night out ends up with me sitting at a table, trying to stay on the tail of my friends who have no problem having fun, and who know more people than i do, or me attempting to enjoy the music and dance with predictable results?
When your best friend is more in touch with mutual friends and does way more stuff with them, talking about it after the fact, and not inviting me? When you try to do something new, volunteer at events just to end up being given non-important tasks and hardly connect with anyone other than a surface level?
When all the time i see people my age or younger doing having had so many more experiences that i should have already gotten over at this point, whether it be relationships, uni, or active social engagements?
Sure, my life may be OK looking in - decent relationship with parents, stable job that pays alright, and all most basic needs fulfilled. But i just want what *they* have.
The voice in the back of my head can be positive, but it sure turns the other way real fast as soon as reality hits.
And i hate that.
Damn it, i just want to be able to tell someone that things are going to be alright, to be a stable rock.
And sure, i've kind of done that briefly.
But it didn't feel like it.
Bleh.
i just wish I could die right now
