Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[michaellionel]

I feel nothing - absolutely nothing. Empty. Struggling.....

 

[Glazed_Orange]

there's nothing to do in life, it's just the pursuit of self interest. even then, we aren't allowed to pursue that comfortably. i want love and recognition and yet it's so fleeting that i just want to toss it. i'd prefer to just live a truly free life, or have nothing at all

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

Dead

 

[mikuhappy]

dead inside

 

[CTB Dream]

wrld nonsns lif nonsns all nonsns ,pain sffr no end no mtr wat do alws dtriort

 

[Promised Heaven]

First post in this thread after a two month break, wow.

Honestly, still numb. Even on weed my body is floaty and I involuntarily giggle but not of happiness. I'm touch sensitive, hate people's touches, but want to be hugged and platonically loved. I've called a friend a few times recently because she said I can vent to her but university just started, so I understand she is busy.

I've gotten a lot better at regulating my emotions. Not all "Hey I think you're wrong about <topic>" is converted in my mind as "Hey I hate you and going to stop being your friend". Disagreements happen, and better at communication and problem solving.

Still want out of this world. I went "holy shit I need a gun right now to shoot myself" happy for a few days but it'll raise suspicions on why I suddenly have a gun if I'm qualified (history of suicidial thoughts and have diagnosed depression and ditched therapy in a strict laws area), so I'm still sticking with hanging. I just feel at peace. Knowing I have the power to die whenever I want. Maybe not today. Maybe not next month either. Maybe not at all. Just knowing I can makes me happy.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Genuinely, I'm tired of having my feelings negated and being treated like dog shit. I can experience harassment in public, but it's always a lesson to be learned. May I discuss my explicit inner thoughts? Nope, they're not subtle enough. No regular income due to my forced relocation to a different (admittedly less desirable) state. Now, I have been removed from my classes for the second time in a row without any prior notice.

What a joke. I'm a year older, and I haven't improved or become any happier at all. I'm trapped in a world that keeps getting worse.

All I want is to give in and give the world my last "fuck you," leaving it behind with no thought for that which just keeps consuming the one thing that makes it possible for me to live in it: my own goddamn life.

 

[standingfast]

Conflicted. I want to just go, but I have one person who I don't want to impact. So I am choosing them over ending my suffering. And I am conflicted. I want them to understand that if I do go ahead with it, it was not to hurt them but because my pain became too much to bear.

I am still finalizing methods (either exit bag if I can get enough good inert gas or 385 mg Oxycodone+150mg ambien) and if I feel reasonably certain of success it would highly tip the scales

I feel exhausted from trying to be here - a world where I don't belong, feel.safe, or have love and I have given up trying to find it because it was never for me. I feel exhausted from all of this.

 

[enduringwinter]

I cannot wait to dieeee I want to enjoy one or two things for once in my life first so my date is next year but all the annoying pointless shit I have to do to keep up the facade until then man. God fucking damn it I hate everybody

 

[lemonbunny]

lost. everywhere i go is suffering

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

Honestly, hungry and brain fried from low hours of sleep and using up a ton of focus. So general bleh

 

[One day too late]

Nothing…

 

[enduringwinter]

I wish my mom just admitted she hates me and stops framing it as me being a hate-able person I am sick of having to keep up that fake arrogant "yeah I am hate-able but I'm not gonna chance" act. It's been 32 years bro just admit it it's mutual.

 

[purpleuser]

I feel melancholic looking outside the window, probably caz its 5 AM and i am not sleeping

 

[middlelord]

Unemployment hits so hard in these time

 

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

I'm tired and worried, I can't focus, I need distraction all the time. I was sleepy, so I made two coffees from express in one cup. I think my brain will explode.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Last year I bought a tea infuser shaped like a cat and while the colors of the tea came out, no flavor, it was just warm green caffinated water, so I stuck with regular infusers. Anyway, I purchased a new animal infuser from the same company after sharing my negative reviews yesterday, told they would fix it, and the exact same thing happened, flavored water.

I just want cute infusers for green tea. The tiniest of inconveniences throws me over the edge sometimes. I feel betrayed and untrustworthy of cute tea infusers.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I want to burn every bridge that I have

 

[TakeMeToHeaven]

anxious about the future

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

invisible but not invincible - sometimes i don't feel anything and that worries me, sometimes i feel too much and that overwhelms me. i feel like dead weight that doesn't belong, as if nothing i say or do will ever matter. i want nothing more than death and so i know i shouldn't care too much about how i feel at this point but i can't stop feeling like there's something terribly wrong with me and i can't do anything about it and that sucks.

 

[Ms.Melancholy]

I feel like I'm lost in a fog.

I don't understand entirely how it got to the point of having my first attempt yesterday (hanging)(aborted), and me ending up here. And now I'm back to a sort of apathy... all the while dreading what's to come.

I thought I was better than this.

 

[sukiduki]

i feel like im ready to pass on. i think i finally ordered SN today - we'll see if it comes. if it does, i think i'm set and starting to plan my real timeline

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I messed up my relationship with my bf yesterday. I hate myself.

Edit: He forgives me! I'm so happy right now!

 

[Surai]

Tired

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly rly want endall

 

[Promised Heaven]

Touch starved to the point if someone gently carasses my jaw I would pass out from shock.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

uncertain, worthless, disgusted, disturbed, hollow, speechless.

 

[dogthebenzohunter]

I feel empty and hollow inside but also full of rage. Rage at myself for feeling so low. I often fantasize about getting hit by a car. My new job I took which was meant to be a step below its causing me more stress. No one talks to me at work just have to deal with bullshit customers calling all day to complain. This week I think I am gonna snap

 

[enduringwinter]

These days I feel like I am nearing the end of my life. There just is nothing more

 

[0bsolete]

Forced myself to go outside and play in a social tennis session earlier. Enjoyed it but it was a brief respite. I hate when it ends, and I get in my car and return home alone. Tired of the loneliness. Not sure about the rest of you without partners, but I seem to see couples everywhere! Feel like such a worthless failure, haven't had a relationship for 18 years now.

Worried I'll be made redundant soon. Last week I did 30 minutes of "work" the entire week. I feel guilty as it feels I'm not earning my salary. My bosses are supposedly happy with my performance, but I feel like such a fraud. Surely, they realise how little I do. Maybe redundancy would be ideal as it will force my hand to have another attempt, I wouldn't want to look for another job.

I currently work from home, have two bosses who tell me on a Monday what needs to be done by Friday and leave me to it. I have no colleagues or clients I deal with. Quite lonely and isolated but ideal for social anxiety, I guess. I don't think I'd be able to find another job like this, I've had this work setup for such a long time. I wouldn't want to go for interviews or work in an office setting ever again. Just thinking of my old open plan office makes me feel ill.

I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle. "Work", tennis, gym, sit in bedroom alone. "Work", tennis, gym, sit in bedroom alone. Only do tennis and gym to try and distract from the loneliness. Took them up after my failed attempt to try and work on my social anxiety and perhaps make friends or find a partner, neither of which has happened. Hey, look at me outside, doing normal people things.

The only person I talk to aside from my bosses on a Monday is my counsellor on Tuesday's. Not looking forward to seeing her this week as each session has started to feel the same. I don't think there will be any answers or solutions to be found here.

Had a couple of heart palpitations earlier which has raised my anxiety, I hope I don't start getting them regularly again. I don't want to live this way for the next 30/40 years, I feel like something will give soon.