Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dr Iron Arc]

Why does it always feel like my friends can't have fun hanging out with each other unless I'm also there? Why does it seem like when I'm not there there's a ton of drama and other negative feelings going on between them? What the hell do I even do that makes them so comfortable around each other? Why does it always have to be me? I genuinely can't figure out what it is about me because I know I'm a terrible person who doesn't even deserve friends in the first place so why are they always mad at each other and never me?

 

[render]

i want to disappear i want to run away i want to evaporate i want to die i want to curl up into a ball and never speak to anyone ever again if santa was real hed bring me a nice 99.9% purity bottle of sn so i can do the deed
i remember that my death will bring the salvation of all but i am so selfish as to want a few more seconds to live. i have the chance to make a beautiful world in my absence and yet i refuse to take it. kill these hands that cannot create, a creature so incomprehensible as to be unworthy of connection or thought. i am a stain on this earth and my removal will bring peace

 

[alienfreak]

Had a hope revived and lifted up out of the ground. Lifted up again and smashed down. Because i delusionally grasped onto any tiny chance and ambiguous communication. Now a new nail in the coffin of the only thing i had hope for. God is writing my book as a psychological horror genre.

 

[sparrowcharm]

no one understands me or can handle me. I must be a cunt

 

[consider]

I went to see a neurologist and felt a bit regretful about it. It should ordinarily be a step toward recovery.
I've been hard to subject things since July and worried that I could get CTE at some point in my life cuz my father beat me on my head very badly when I was little, and lasted for many years.
I told the doctor about childhood abuse, but I didn't dare mention my fear of CTE—it seemed too much to say.
today he said he didn't find anything and I feel like I was lying about it. I knew the MRI wouldn't show anything. people on Reddit already mentioned this. I just hoped he would say something like post-concussive syndrome and offer some advice.
He also asked a lot of questions that made me feel embarrassed, like about my job and where I graduated. I think the nurse gave me a judgmental look since I didn't have a job.
I know the doctor did his best, and there's nothing wrong if the nurse looked down on me for that cuz that's how the world works but still.
When I walked out hospital, I felt so hollow and empty.

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

the three amigos of shame, fear, and restlessness!
I cause so much of my own misery how could I do this to myself oh me oh my.
There are statements such as those who are depressed are not to blame for their own condition, but me with my own sub-clinical pot of misery sure is responsible for getting it together in due time, and yet I have done nothing so far, how could I do this to myself, it's a disservice and instead of experiencing new pain, then I would rather sink myself into the familiar hang of things
also, I tried to hang myself a couple of times and I seem to not have the correct technique for that and it turned out that I ended up getting a headache instead of dying, wow imagine being doo doo in both living and dying.

 

[standingfast]

It is very surreal being this close to the end.