Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[absolutelyyou]

Pure white hot rage



-because I have hay fever and I haven't been able to breath through my nose in days

 

[standingfast]

Overwhelmed. There is nothing I want in this life, nothing that makes me want to try. I get pressure to figure all this out from my family, my job, my psychologist. Everyone - except my psychologist - just seems to want me to fix my emotional hell because it inconveniences them, it makes it hard for them. And it is no picnic for my psychologist. I still go because she is the only respite from all this agony.

Since I was 4, I have been constantly searching for three things: safety, belongingness and love. I am 51 and still on the same search and still come up empty. I have always felt like an outsider and always that people just need me to shape up and behave. My lack of safety, belongingness and love isn't even an afterthought for them. What is destroying me doesn't enter the picture. I tried so, so many years to figure this out and find what I am missing. I am tired of never finding it.

I do feel safety and love with my psychologist, but not belongingness. I don't belong in her world other than the medical service she provides. My biggest fears are (1) my method to CTB will fail and leave me worse off and (2) that my actions will get her in trouble. I am trying to figure out how to keep her safe.

The best thing for all, the thing that solves all the problems that people say I am and also ends my suffering, is to CTB. I add nothing of value to this world at all. I don't even fit here on this website. I am nothing. I am a mistake and a cancer in this world.

 

[SylveonFan]

Excited, I can order my sn soon

 

[soledad.virgen]

i think I'm a fundamentally broken person, well I've thought that for a very long time now, but it's been on my mind more and more these past couple of months. it hurts, and I'd like to be my real self again, the person i used to be like in 2018. that would be really nice and make me happy again.

 

[Rudeus_Greyrat]

Tired. I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't want to fight for something that is not certain. I don't want to get skills for a random possibile hypothetical job that won't give me back my best friend and my ex, the people I loved so much.
I want to be happy. I want to go home. I don't want to bother with nothing from this world anymore. I don't want to be strong. I don't want to "grow up", or to slave away.
I simply refuse this shit.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Welp. It's 8:45 AM and I haven't slept all night. I have an appointment in less than three hours with a physical therapist to see if my back needs any more fixing. After that I won't even have time to sleep because some friends I haven't seen in a while wanna hang out today. Maybe I should just cut my losses and get out of bed now to go to a coffee shop or something.

But hey at least I have a new mission to do for myself for the next few days before Shadow Generations is out.

What sucks is I already have the Pokédexes completed in the game itself but not in Home. To do that, I still have to import a bunch of natively caught Pokémon which I have yet to do so I guess that's what's going to be occupying a lot of my time.

 

[CTB Dream]

Me rly feellos no know wat do brain dtriort

 

[HereTomorrow]

I have free time off work, but I'm too tired to do anything. Many things I want to do, but the lack of energy and motivation.
I have free time off work, but I'm too tired to do anything. Many things I want to do, but the lack of energy and motivation.

 

[JustAnx]

Sad. There's a tremendous internal struggle going on inside my mind. But mostly there's fear and anxiety. There's also a big lack of determination i can't seem to be determined either to hang in there and keep hoping that things will get better or to be determined to ctb. So i end up nowhere, in limbo. I'm so tired…

 

[CTB Dream]

This me rly sffr need escp fst

 

[redkitsune98]

lonely and misunderstood. really need love and a man to hug me and date me but i am still clinging on to my ex and wish i knew someone who could help me get in touch with him or have a convo with him about me to help him see how i am feeling. i feel worthless and miserable and everyone in their lives has me as a plan b and everyone around me seems to be doing better and living a better life. i cant tell anyone outside sasu about suicide without being judged

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm actually in a good mood because I got my marks back for the exam I thought I failed and I actually did alright on it (I got a B on it). I'm assuming that this is because of the learning curve, which if that's the case and then thank fucking God for it!

Still stressed out though since I haven't gotten started yet on that essay for philosophy and I still have to catch up on a few lectures.

 

[amnesia999]

I'm in a financial bind right now and I have no clue how I'm going to get out of it.

Also, I might have more friends and be making more money if literally everything didn't make me anxious.

 

[cicatrezESP]

at my absolute limit

 

[HereTomorrow]

I think I'm going to be okay. Months of disorienting feelings have started to go away for more than a day. They're still there, but I can think more clearly and be "in the zone" mentally where I don't give up on tasks because I can't even percieve the object in front of me.

Eating my own home cooked stir fry, I'm hoping this will last.