Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[lastch]

lost. I have PTSD, BPD and autism, no friends, don't leave the house and have just made the decision to drop out of college due to how bad my mental health has gotten, the last thing I had left. I want to CTB but don't have the courage. I am lost in life and see no future. I feel hopeless

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Stressed out because of my midterm tonight and annoyed because of the nasty couple who decided to sit near me. They don't seem to know what headphones are and are sitting right near me, doing nasty PDA shit. Then their stupid friend showed up and then are having some shitty ass conversation while I was trying to study. Seriously, what an annoying group of dumbasses.

 

[noname37]

I just want it to end

 

[standingfast]

Excited and happy, giddy even, thinking about ending my life. I tested the inert gas method before and it felt very peaceful when I started to feel the effects. I am excited for that peaceful and joy at the end - for this to be finally over.

 

[-Pain-]

loneliness fear and pain

 

[wCvML2]

Overwhelmed, completely and utterly overwhelmed. I don't have time but there is so much to do.

 

[cantdecidenameeven]

Scared, overwhelmed, naked, hopeless, alone, lonely, and like WCV said I feel time is running out. Impending doom.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I want a hug.
I need a hug.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Hate this world !!!!

 

[Pluto]

 

[cicatrezESP]

hopeless, trapped and completely alone

 

[Promised Heaven]

Woke up late. Went to work. Worked over my usual shift on a busy day. Just came home, first time since waking up I can relax. Somehow not depressed, or disoriented much, but just tired emotionally. I need my face on someone's chest and a big cuddly hug. I'm somehow alive.

 

[lifeisactualtorture]

I just so want to be gone. But I can't find how to get out. I am too stupid or too tired or too overwhelmed to function on any level. I just am so tired of every thing.

Here is a clip from Everything Everywhere All At Once. Her dialogue is what I am saying to this world and this life.

Good clip! Conveys very clearly how you feel and I couldn't agree more!

 

[wondering&wandering]

Today, by most standards, was a normal day, but I feel so tired and overwhelmed. And I wonder how easy it will be to lose everything I've been working towards thus far.

Just unreasonably scared, and comfort does not exist.

 

[standingfast]

Aurora borealis where I live in Washington state tonight.

I realized long ago I have no tribe, no home, no place I fit or belong in this world. I tell my psychologist I don't belong anywhere, including with her. She seems to disagree but asked me to think about what the means when I tell her I don't belong with her. Basically, she is not my "home". I am a refugee without a tribe, without a place I belong. We have been working together for about 10 years and 8 months so we have been through a lot of life together. And we do have a connection and genuine mutual care. Yet in the end, I came to her to learn how to not need to come to her. There is utilitarian purpose and we would not be connected if it were not for her profession. She is the only thing keeping my days somewhat bearable - an emotional morphine to the agony of each day. Yet she is not "home". I don't belong with her.

 

[Meowers]

I just got ghosted by someone I thought loves me. Turns out I'm just a stupid piece of dumbfuck that is very unlikeable to others. Man it hurts so bad.

 

[ebg]

I have been thinking about how my life has progressed and I feel like nothing will ever get better. I feel like I have brain damage and a flawed (or I guess not innocent) view of the world. I used to love learning but now I see everything as being unknowable or I think to myself that I'll forget 95% of what I consume. I have also been going over some of my regrets. My first one would be to have never gotten into a relationship when I was 15. I said yes way too quickly and realized I didn't want to be in a relationship with them but despite that I continued, thus making me feel like I was a bad person for not liking them as much as they liked me and making them feel like they were not worthy of someone's full attention and care. I also wish I hadn't had the "I can fix them" attitude because it never works. I wish I had just gotten a study buddy and focused on school. I do think relationships make you more humble though. They give you the opportunity to try and understand another person fully and to gain more empathy towards situations that don't occur to you personally. I don't regret my current relationship though. I feel like 19/20 is a good age but I feel like I was more advanced in life when I was 16 than where I am at now. I also don't like how I've turned out, I actually hate how I've turned out. Maybe not that much, I'm less arrogant, but I'm unable to view stuff in the same way that I used to and I don't have anything good to say most of the time. A lot of stuff in my life had been beyond my control though (hmm or is everything beyond your control in life? free will does it exist hmmm), like my parents breaking up or my father getting schizophrenia. I'm grateful I started working as soon as I was able to. I enjoy working and experience is invaluable. Hmmm I wish I had been less full of myself, I still receive notifications from Quora from IQ posts lol, I thought I was so ""different"" from others lol. I wish I hadn't tried to one-up my classmates in terms of assignments. My classmate would brag about always completing his homework at the last minute and getting 95%+ on each one of them, and so I tried copying his behaviour and failed. I have spent a lot of time with my parents these past two years, so I don't have any regrets there. I also stopped hating my mom and realized that she has done a lot for me. Someone said that you reach teenager years when you forgive your parents, and you reach adulthood when you realize that you would have been no better than your parents, that they are like you too, and that there isn't anything to forgive in the first place. Hmm I wish I had gotten diagnosed with ADHD and had access to medication earlier. Maybe I could have gotten into ivy league if I had had a clear plan and *stuck to it* instead of being all over the place. I wish I hadn't gotten so jealous about Lara getting close friends when I was in middle school. I think I put too much guilt and shame onto her and I think it probably led her to befriending/dating the wrong people aka people who made her feel like she deserved to feel bad about herself. Ummmm I think that's all (for now), essay finished.

 

[star.trip]

I don't really know how to express what I feel. I feel that I am living without deserving it, it is as if I am waiting for my life to end.

 

[fleetingnight]

I've been feeling a bit better than usual the past few days. I'm rlly grateful for that. But evertyhing still goes by too quickly. I can't help feeling like I'm wasting my whole life. I know I'm young, but I still feel I should've done more by now. I keep thinking about the quote, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Every time a day goes by where I barely do anything, I think about that. I've been stuck in a rut for years, and it seems there's no way to get out of it.

 

[ebg]

I feel bad that I'm ignoring my bf, he keeps trying to call me. I told myself I am only talking to him once I ingest SN, because I know that he will try to prevent me from doing so.

 

[Esau_Herself]

Clenching my teeth harder and harder, I wish I didn't cry so easily. Its as if my guts are turning sour, my throat red-hot and inflammed. Every breath feels like sandpaper. Stupid stupid stupid girl. Stupid stupid bitch.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I'm kinda alright. I don't feel disoriented, more so, numb. But I'm doing alright.

I think what would help even more is new stimuli. A new place to walk, a new song that feels nice. I'm not really suicidial at the moment, but I'm kinda stressed, but I'm doing alright.

Anyway, english muffin pizza is amazing.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

i'm tired of being constantly misunderstood no matter what i say. i hate this, feeling like a natural at getting people to hate me, ignore me, forget me, leave me even on my way to death. i'm not bullshiting when i say i'm gonna ctb - i have a plan i don't want to divulge and i see no point in lying about it just to get somebody's attention, not when i've seen and felt the harm it does better than most already. maybe they just don't care and so shouldn't i - it just hurts real bad to feel like i don't matter here either.

 

[tiredofthis12]

tired, just really tired

Today, by most standards, was a normal day, but I feel so tired and overwhelmed. And I wonder how easy it will be to lose everything I've been working towards thus far.

Just unreasonably scared, and comfort does not exist.

I feel you on this

 

[Promised Heaven]

I'm recovering from suicidial thoughts, but nobody around me in real life cares. I'm normal to them.

When I'm passively or actively suicidial, suddenly there's the "Hey HereTomorrow how are you doing?" or "Do you want to talk about it?"

I'm well aware of the attention seeking world and I'm far from the center of it, but it seems that unless I put a gun under my chin I'm invisible to everyone I know and love. And it's not like I want them to freak out, nor do I ever intentionally do that to get their eyes. But whenever I'm okay, I'm invisible. I don't want to CTB, I have my own traumas and overwhelms I keep fighting through. And when I successfully do, nobody cares.

Loneliness hurts.

 

[BlendedHeart]

I don't want to feel anymore. I feel extremely lonely. I feel out of place everywhere. I want to stop thinking, I want to stop feeling, I want to stop being aware. I want to stop being a coward and finally leave, forever.

 

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

I want to take my pills I'm taking to calm me sometimes and die in my bed that even isn't my bed. I just sleep here with my nightmares every night. I thought I can be better but I'm too weak. I'm just so tired and I don't want to deal with my shit.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Dread...
I didn't do anything today. Slept in and then napped for several hours. Not exactly sure how long. I was in and out of sleep.
I'm sure I fracked my sleep for tonight.
I just couldn't get motivated for anything.

 

[standingfast]

My psychologist was frustrated with me today because I don't want to do anything but die...and she knows that. I just can't do anything she suggests, not because I am trying to be difficult but because I feel not hope, see no point and I am exhausted. Too exhausted by life to try even if I wanted to. She said she is frustrated because she cares. And does want me to die. She said I am in her heart. But I tell her, thar is good but it is also agonizing because she is not my "home" , that I don't belong with her. Her job is to help me not need her but outside of her there is nothing that feels safe.

 

[nattanatta]

It's getting worse and worse. Fighting the suicidal thoughts is getting almost impossible now. The pain is so overwhelming, and I have no idea what to do with it. Self-harm only helps for a little while. I can't believe this is real life. I just want it to stop.