ilikehamsters

ilikehamsters

Sleep, sleep is my happy place
Oct 2, 2024
30
Best described as "numdsdhjadhj"

Was super tired last light (or this morning really) went to my happy place of sleep, and well sleep never found me. Felt like I woke up every ten minutes staring at a wall. Despite spending more time than normal in bed, i feel even more tired and worse than yesterday.
 
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Ahlam

Ahlam

SAD whimsical (wack)
Oct 4, 2024
1
I feel exhilarated. I fought my dad, and I'm bleeding heavily--but it was great. I told him to leave.

I hope he doesn't come back. I don't stand a chance against him but I did it anyway. Just maybe, things might turn out a bit better for my family. I feel like he'll come back though, and it'd be all for naught.

If that happens, I'll just leave instead 😉
 
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WildAtHeart

WildAtHeart

tired
Oct 1, 2024
108
cold, empty and like i could cut. I have work later but after that its a friends birthday, going to get pissed.
 
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ebg

ebg

Member
Sep 30, 2024
66
Neutral. I am hoping that no one thinks that they could have done something to prevent my suicide and that no one feels like they are to blame. I know that my boyfriend will probably end up reading this because I plan on giving him all my login information to everything. I just think that people should be more accepting of death. I am grateful I got to experience what I experienced in life, but I don't think death should be seen as a tragedy.
 
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nattanatta

nattanatta

Member
Aug 13, 2024
33
I honestly feel I'm being punished for something I've done previously in my life. I have no other explanation for this brutality I'm forced to endure. I still cry every day, the pain just won't stop. I know I'm not going to make it.
 
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W

wren-briar

wrenbriar.gitlab.io
Jul 1, 2024
196
Mentally - so ready to be gone already

Prep - waiting on SN and researching other methods (when energy and internet allow)

Planning - needing to minimize possible blowback on others and needing not to fail again
 
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L

lastch

Member
Oct 2, 2024
20
lost. I have PTSD, BPD and autism, no friends, don't leave the house and have just made the decision to drop out of college due to how bad my mental health has gotten, the last thing I had left. I want to CTB but don't have the courage. I am lost in life and see no future. I feel hopeless
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
3,354
Stressed out because of my midterm tonight and annoyed because of the nasty couple who decided to sit near me. They don't seem to know what headphones are and are sitting right near me, doing nasty PDA shit. Then their stupid friend showed up and then are having some shitty ass conversation while I was trying to study. Seriously, what an annoying group of dumbasses.
 
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N

noname37

Member
Sep 10, 2024
51
I just want it to end
 
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S

standingfast

Member
Aug 29, 2024
60
Excited and happy, giddy even, thinking about ending my life. I tested the inert gas method before and it felt very peaceful when I started to feel the effects. I am excited for that peaceful and joy at the end - for this to be finally over.😊💞
 
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PA𝖨𝑁

PA𝖨𝑁

Member
Oct 14, 2023
39
loneliness fear and pain
 
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W

wCvML2

Member
Nov 15, 2021
455
Overwhelmed, completely and utterly overwhelmed. I don't have time but there is so much to do.
 
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C

cantdecidenameeven

Member
Oct 2, 2024
15
Scared, overwhelmed, naked, hopeless, alone, lonely, and like WCV said I feel time is running out. Impending doom.
 
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HereTomorrow

HereTomorrow

Eternally atoning
Feb 1, 2024
489
I want a hug.
I need a hug.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
9,211
Hate this world !!!!
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Meowing to go out
Dec 27, 2020
3,958
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cicatrezESP

cicatrezESP

in the time of the sixth sun
Oct 6, 2024
53
hopeless, trapped and completely alone
 
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HereTomorrow

HereTomorrow

Eternally atoning
Feb 1, 2024
489
Woke up late. Went to work. Worked over my usual shift on a busy day. Just came home, first time since waking up I can relax. Somehow not depressed, or disoriented much, but just tired emotionally. I need my face on someone's chest and a big cuddly hug. I'm somehow alive.
 
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L

lifeisactualtorture

Member
Aug 6, 2024
33
I just so want to be gone. But I can't find how to get out. I am too stupid or too tired or too overwhelmed to function on any level. I just am so tired of every thing. 💙💙💙💙💙💙🥺😢

Here is a clip from Everything Everywhere All At Once. Her dialogue is what I am saying to this world and this life.
Good clip! Conveys very clearly how you feel and I couldn't agree more!
 
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wondering&wandering

wondering&wandering

Too often I think about the nature of thinking...
Jan 12, 2024
207
Today, by most standards, was a normal day, but I feel so tired and overwhelmed. And I wonder how easy it will be to lose everything I've been working towards thus far.

Just unreasonably scared, and comfort does not exist.
 
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S

standingfast

Member
Aug 29, 2024
60
Aurora borealis where I live in Washington state tonight.

I realized long ago I have no tribe, no home, no place I fit or belong in this world. I tell my psychologist I don't belong anywhere, including with her. She seems to disagree but asked me to think about what the means when I tell her I don't belong with her. Basically, she is not my "home". I am a refugee without a tribe, without a place I belong. We have been working together for about 10 years and 8 months so we have been through a lot of life together. And we do have a connection and genuine mutual care. Yet in the end, I came to her to learn how to not need to come to her. There is utilitarian purpose and we would not be connected if it were not for her profession. She is the only thing keeping my days somewhat bearable - an emotional morphine to the agony of each day. Yet she is not "home". I don't belong with her.

1000006049

1000006050
 
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Meowers

Meowers

Member
Sep 13, 2024
27
I just got ghosted by someone I thought loves me. Turns out I'm just a stupid piece of dumbfuck that is very unlikeable to others. Man it hurts so bad.
 
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ebg

ebg

Member
Sep 30, 2024
66
I have been thinking about how my life has progressed and I feel like nothing will ever get better. I feel like I have brain damage and a flawed (or I guess not innocent) view of the world. I used to love learning but now I see everything as being unknowable or I think to myself that I'll forget 95% of what I consume. I have also been going over some of my regrets. My first one would be to have never gotten into a relationship when I was 15. I said yes way too quickly and realized I didn't want to be in a relationship with them but despite that I continued, thus making me feel like I was a bad person for not liking them as much as they liked me and making them feel like they were not worthy of someone's full attention and care. I also wish I hadn't had the "I can fix them" attitude because it never works. I wish I had just gotten a study buddy and focused on school. I do think relationships make you more humble though. They give you the opportunity to try and understand another person fully and to gain more empathy towards situations that don't occur to you personally. I don't regret my current relationship though. I feel like 19/20 is a good age but I feel like I was more advanced in life when I was 16 than where I am at now. I also don't like how I've turned out, I actually hate how I've turned out. Maybe not that much, I'm less arrogant, but I'm unable to view stuff in the same way that I used to and I don't have anything good to say most of the time. A lot of stuff in my life had been beyond my control though (hmm or is everything beyond your control in life? free will does it exist hmmm), like my parents breaking up or my father getting schizophrenia. I'm grateful I started working as soon as I was able to. I enjoy working and experience is invaluable. Hmmm I wish I had been less full of myself, I still receive notifications from Quora from IQ posts lol, I thought I was so ""different"" from others lol. I wish I hadn't tried to one-up my classmates in terms of assignments. My classmate would brag about always completing his homework at the last minute and getting 95%+ on each one of them, and so I tried copying his behaviour and failed. I have spent a lot of time with my parents these past two years, so I don't have any regrets there. I also stopped hating my mom and realized that she has done a lot for me. Someone said that you reach teenager years when you forgive your parents, and you reach adulthood when you realize that you would have been no better than your parents, that they are like you too, and that there isn't anything to forgive in the first place. Hmm I wish I had gotten diagnosed with ADHD and had access to medication earlier. Maybe I could have gotten into ivy league if I had had a clear plan and *stuck to it* instead of being all over the place. I wish I hadn't gotten so jealous about Lara getting close friends when I was in middle school. I think I put too much guilt and shame onto her and I think it probably led her to befriending/dating the wrong people aka people who made her feel like she deserved to feel bad about herself. Ummmm I think that's all (for now), essay finished.
 
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star.trip

star.trip

Student
Oct 6, 2024
117
I don't really know how to express what I feel. I feel that I am living without deserving it, it is as if I am waiting for my life to end.
 
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fleetingnight

fleetingnight

incapable of shutting up
May 2, 2024
626
I've been feeling a bit better than usual the past few days. I'm rlly grateful for that. But evertyhing still goes by too quickly. I can't help feeling like I'm wasting my whole life. I know I'm young, but I still feel I should've done more by now. I keep thinking about the quote, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Every time a day goes by where I barely do anything, I think about that. I've been stuck in a rut for years, and it seems there's no way to get out of it.
 
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ebg

ebg

Member
Sep 30, 2024
66
I feel bad that I'm ignoring my bf, he keeps trying to call me. I told myself I am only talking to him once I ingest SN, because I know that he will try to prevent me from doing so.
 
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Esau_Herself

Esau_Herself

Stupid & Hairy
Sep 13, 2024
4
Clenching my teeth harder and harder, I wish I didn't cry so easily. Its as if my guts are turning sour, my throat red-hot and inflammed. Every breath feels like sandpaper. Stupid stupid stupid girl. Stupid stupid bitch.
 
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HereTomorrow

HereTomorrow

Eternally atoning
Feb 1, 2024
489
I'm kinda alright. I don't feel disoriented, more so, numb. But I'm doing alright.

I think what would help even more is new stimuli. A new place to walk, a new song that feels nice. I'm not really suicidial at the moment, but I'm kinda stressed, but I'm doing alright.

Anyway, english muffin pizza is amazing.
 
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AbsurdAbyss

AbsurdAbyss

Lost, broken, empty, fragmented.
Mar 4, 2024
113
i'm tired of being constantly misunderstood no matter what i say. i hate this, feeling like a natural at getting people to hate me, ignore me, forget me, leave me even on my way to death. i'm not bullshiting when i say i'm gonna ctb - i have a plan i don't want to divulge and i see no point in lying about it just to get somebody's attention, not when i've seen and felt the harm it does better than most already. maybe they just don't care and so shouldn't i - it just hurts real bad to feel like i don't matter here either.
 
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T

tiredofthis12

New Member
Aug 18, 2024
3
tired, just really tired
Today, by most standards, was a normal day, but I feel so tired and overwhelmed. And I wonder how easy it will be to lose everything I've been working towards thus far.

Just unreasonably scared, and comfort does not exist.
I feel you on this
 
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