L
lifeisactualtorture
Member
- Aug 6, 2024
- 33
I am trying to get up and ctb for hopefully the last time. It's my last resort option so I'm not crazy about it but all else failed. My life has went so violently wrong and I managed to push everyone away mostly to make it easier for them or maybe to push myself to finish this already. Idk whether to be sad or proud that there's not one person I can think of to even reach out to if I wanted to. Guess I did exceptionally well with that part of my plan. Just what I was thinking. I understand what you are saying.I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.
I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.
Also same.Same.
You are not a failure. Life failed us!Just ordered SN. I sat staring at the checkout page for a while before deciding to order it. Feel anxious and a little scared. I settled down on Friday evening and decided to search for DMC. Thought it might take a while to locate, but after following a few clues in the forums search feature, I found it in 5 minutes lol. I then bookmarked the site and just thought about it over the weekend. Went ahead with payment tonight, so it should arrive in October. I'm going to be stressing out waiting for it to arrive now.
The last two days have been bad. My tailbone pain is almost constant now. I have also started getting pain in my left foot which means I can't play tennis, the only thing that was remotely fun. My body just seems to be deteriorating. Sitting down hurts, standing up hurts, the only relief I get is lying on my side, but I can't really do that all day.
I'm so upset that this is where I am at this point in my life. What a waste, I'm such a failure.
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