Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[nattanatta]

I can't do this. I'm so tired of crying and feeling anxious and terrible every single day, no matter what I do. So tired of being constantly reminded of how the only thing that helped was taken away from me. I just want to give up already. It will never get better.

 

[amnesia999]

Fuck and shit. My 85 year old partner's tongue was half numb. (She thinks it might be because she has fused vertebrae in her neck.) So she called the advice nurse and they told her she had to go to the hospital by ambulance. Knowing my tough-as-nails partner, it's probably no big deal, but the advice nurse thought it might be a stroke. Fuck and shit.

[Edit] Well, she's back home after they ran a gazillion tests, and they're not sure what caused her symptoms -- maybe something brain-related -- but she seems to be fine. Better safe than sorry I guess. That's life when you're in your mid-80s. :-) Phew.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Loneliness

 

[billie]

I'm worthless

 

[notwhereIbelong]

I'm getting bad again
The idea of CTB is coming back

 

[Davey40210]

Like my heart is in a thousand pieces. A sense of longing. A feeling of regret. Having everything I wanted but throwing it away due to my mental problems.

This speech kind of sums it up for me

 

[WithTheFlow]

My dad just texted me something angry... time to ghost my family for a while, again.

 

[CTB Dream]

Me rly no want stay nonsns life no want this nonsns unvrs, rly hadnf pain sffr no stop, need mthd need ctb

 

[lemonbunny]

screwed forever. i want to stop trying

 

[Soph]

Sad, empty and hopeless

 

[rocksnrocks]

i am so very tired. i don't feel much of anything anymore i am just exhausted

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

i need help i won't get.

 

[sukiduki]

feeling highly emotional these past few days. heard some information i kinda knew but didn't wanna know. ive been crying every day for the past couple days. i want it to end but i told myself i have to wait until next year to ctb to take care of a few things. i wish i didn't feel guilt or worry or responsible for things so i could just end it now.

 

[BlendedHeart]

Sometimes I think I've made peace with the fact I will always be alone, but there are times when I crave for company, for a girlfriend, someone who actually loves me. But that combines with my sense of eternal solitude, and makes me feel worse.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Hungriness

 

[Mirrory Me]

Life is bullshit, every day there's a new issue or health condition like I was mental, but actually, life just gives me bad vibes constantly.

 

[LapseInTime]

There was one event in my life I can't forget about. I want to go back in time before it happened. I was a good person, I was melancholic but I was happy. Ever since that moment I have lost everything. It has affected me in multiple ways. I am not "me" anymore. I feel like I am carrying the corpse of who I was on my back, every single day. I want to go back, I want to be that person again. I was a good person...

 

[Meowers]

Don't feel much. I have only a year before I CTB and I'm making peace that I'll die young. Kinda hurts but it's comforting to know that it will be all over soon. I wish that I was given the chance experience the beauty of life, but it's fine if I didn't had to. Life isn't just for all of us, you know? Some are much more fortunate than others. I simpky accepted that fact that I'm about to die and I'm preparing for my death. Right now, I'm just spending my time chatting random strangers in Reddit. I wanna make them happy, make them feel lonely. I would never want others to experience what I am experiencing now. Feels like I have terminal illness. Counting down the days...

 

[Tod]

Exhausted and done while still keeping up the fight cause I kinda know where I wanna go with my existence. Pretty scared to finally live for myself and do what I want to.

 

[boddibo]

no matter how hard I try to make a change un my life,
I'm stuck in the same loop over and over again

 

[Promised Heaven]

Had a dream where a public toilet lid couldn't be opened after 30 seconds of advertisements plays, and after the flush the lid would close.

I'm bothered how normal it seems having woke up, and how I wouldn't be phased if they implemented something like this in real life to get money, particularly in road stops.

Every place is advertisements, just to spend our last few seconds being asked if we want to buy food. It's sad. I understand why but it makes me sad.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Worthless, disgusting, tired, empty & scared.

 

[wCvML2]

Paranoid, lost and helpless. I hate how whenever I have a problem my brain always tells me to not trust my own family with it even though there is no evidence backing up this distrust. I basically fear they might turn against me any moment no matter how removed it is from reality. I hid so many problems from my parents. It's exhausting to be this relentlessly paranoid.

 

[End_it_all]

Uncomfortable in my own body, like I want to crawl out my skin. I have major sensory overload and everything is annoying me.

 

[0bsolete]

Just ordered SN. I sat staring at the checkout page for a while before deciding to order it. Feel anxious and a little scared. I settled down on Friday evening and decided to search for DMC. Thought it might take a while to locate, but after following a few clues in the forums search feature, I found it in 5 minutes lol. I then bookmarked the site and just thought about it over the weekend. Went ahead with payment tonight, so it should arrive in October. I'm going to be stressing out waiting for it to arrive now.

The last two days have been bad. My tailbone pain is almost constant now. I have also started getting pain in my left foot which means I can't play tennis, the only thing that was remotely fun. My body just seems to be deteriorating. Sitting down hurts, standing up hurts, the only relief I get is lying on my side, but I can't really do that all day.

I'm so upset that this is where I am at this point in my life. What a waste, I'm such a failure.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Rant about my hatred of my appearance #25241

Sometimes my insecurities about my body wells up inside of me and make me want to kill myself so much more. I hate the way I look. Why do I have to be so fucking ugly? To make matters worse, I also keep on further destroying my appearance by picking my skin, scratching myself until I start to bleed, and constantly pulling out my body hair (not the hair on my head or eyebrows, thankfully). My tits sag despite being in my 20s, I'm pretty sure I'm starting to gain weight because I keep on eating too much and spend too much time sitting around inside, my teeth are yellow, I have stretch marks all over my body, my ass is flat, and so on. I hate my appearance so much. It's not like I have anything to make up for it either, not that it would matter since your appearance is all anyone cares about when you are a woman. It makes the idea of my body decomposing after I die all the more comforting. A part of me wonders if I should leave a note asking my family and bf to destroy all photos of me. I don't want my appearance to be remembered. I hate myself so much.

When I was younger, I used to listen to subliminals in a desperate attempt to change my appearance. Deep down inside, I knew it was all bullshit. Despite this, I would listen to them religiously, hoping that my appearance to change for the better. Of course, it didn't do shit.

Sometimes I find that I want to lash out at myself just out of anguish over my appearance, not caring about further ruining my looks because they were never that good in the first place.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

They piss on me without even trying to make me believe it's raining

 

[(in)sane]

I feel like a disappointment with no one to even disappoint. I feel tired. I feel like there's so much my brain wants to experience but my body is so tired it just wants to rest in peace.

 

[Promised Heaven]

The basic yet unachievable human desire to be known, loved, and understood.

Too difficult to find friends, I'm setting with bottling it up.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Somehow, I'm actually feeling a bit hopeful today, but I'm also scared that this feeling is going to go away very quickly and at an unpredictable time. I feel like I'm clutching onto my happiness, like it will slip away at any moment.