Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[potatocube]

So hungry. Crave for fooood!
Like the last meal of a sandwich is just a grain of sand. I hop between anorexia and binge eating and it's just really annoying

 

[kotonearisato]

I'm so exhausted I just want to cry. I accidentally dislocated my shoulder cleaning again and I'm really, really sick of it...

 

[standingfast]

I just want to be dead

 

[Al Gul]

There's nothing I can't fuck up. <3

 

[fleetingnight]

I've been crying for around an hour, so my head really hurts.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Saw the Futurama "finale". What is this, like the 4th one? I kinda wish they hadn't rebooted it again. Honestly only a handful of the Hulu episodes were any good (mainly just the simulation episode) and the 2013 finale was much better than the latest one. It feels like Futurama as a whole can't really exist in a post post postmodern post-Rick and Morty world without feeling bland. Now I kind of hope it doesn't get canceled again just so they can be dragged out long enough to make a better finale although I'm not sure if the poor old voice actors can take it.

Conversely the "series finale" of The Simpsons, while actually being the 36th season premiere actually felt way fresher and even a bit like a good Futurama episode with how trippy it started to get. I hope they don't rely on the type of writing this episode had forever because it can very quickly get old but at least this episode was more enjoyable to watch.

I wonder how many people can be convinced that CTB can be a good thing just by reminding them of The Simpsons and how that show has been going on for far longer than it should have and it just needed to be executed already in many peoples' eyes. Now don't get me wrong this latest episode was pretty good and so was some parts of the last season but still, it kinda feels like the last dementia fueled hurrahs of a lifespan that desperately should be cut off. Futurama's Hulu episodes shows it's already likely going down that same road too which makes me sad because I used to really love that show. Oh well.

Anyway, I guess all this rambling about cartoons just goes to show how much I've wasted my own life and how much like the Simpsons I should have been ended a long time ago.

 

[ebg]

I feel angry because I was manipulated and sexually assaulted by someone twice my age. I told this girl he talks to (who is my age) about what he did and I think she avoids him now. What is a grown ass man doing talking to teenagers? He took advantage of the fact that I was suicidal and didn't have many friends to present himself as someone I "needed" and someone who was "good for me". GTFO I'm not being your fucking wife I don't even have my driver's license. I hate how men prey on girls who are young and ""pure"" AKA girls who are easy to control. I hope he feels low about himself but I know he doesn't. I want to see him so I can spit in his face and shout out loud that he is a pervert in front of anyone. He also said how I need someone "assertive" in my life and that boys my age will just leave me or aren't "mature" enough, GTFO I NEVER WANTED A RELATIONSHIP IN THE FIRST PLACE, JUST SOMEONE TO TALK TO. I sometimes wish the world had more violence, we need to bring back solving problems with violence because I want to cut his member off and make him eat it, then slit his throat but not enough to kill him. He always initiated sexual stuff when I NEVER WANTED TO but you're just seen as "moody" if you say no. Or he would say "it's good for your health" GTFO he needs to be assraped so he can know how degrading it feels

 

[Thisisnotaname]

I feel so alone in front of this worry that should not be one...
I know that I am not irreproachable but I find it very divisive to endure the mood swings of my neighbors who take advantage of the fact that my parents do not hear everything they say about me all day/ night.
Ok I do not make unanimous, and it is true that I talk in my sleep ( well despite me because I make the effort the day not to speak not to insult them) but it is really stressful as a situation. My parents don't hear much due to their age and don't understand why these neighbors are typing from morning to night on their floors to express their dissatisfaction...
I have not taken care of myself for almost 2 years now and after weeks of non-hydration and excess of any kind it could be that I emit a certain smell ( I want to specify for my honor that I shower regularly) but I feel nothing and neither do my parents. Former cokehead, I have no more smells in the nose, so I became totally paranoid about it

Here I just needed to share it

 

[fleetingnight]

Pain, mostly. Chronic pain flare-up today. Also, it's way too fucking hot here, even though it's fall. All I can do is lie on the floor cause it's a bit cooler than the rest of my house. Fuck climate change and fuck my useless body.

 

[falling_snow]

i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up i dont want to wake up

 

[trashhologram]

I wish I was never born. I'm tired of this life; I wish I could just rewind time and die at birth. I know that would have hurt my mom a lot but I think if I killed myself it would completely destroy her and she's one hell of a strong woman. I also have a lovely little sister, I don't want her to suffer and maybe even follow in my footsteps if I did off myself. I want this all to end somehow, in a "tragic accident" or by getting a fatal disease. I guess that would hurt them less. Fuck. I wish mom was here and I could just hug her and cry. I love her so fucking much. I don't want to hurt her.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Had a customer at work get very upset that a discounted item doesn't exist anymore. We had a new item, gave it a giant sale to introduce it, sold all our stock at a net loss, and basically no longer have it shipped to us and they're trying to change the product to be profitable. Item is $ 7, sole it for $ 4, cost of production is $ 6. We sold about 7 racks filled with 160 of them each. So we lost about ~$ 3,360.

So she whipped out her phone saying "I came all the way here to get this item!" and I, alone, 20 minutes before closing the department, am trying to calm her as she's asking for the manager (I am, "technically", when alone). She is asking for my name to file a complaint against me. I have a coworker whom I told this was happening after she left, and I have a really good track record at work, so I'm fine.

The new item existed for 3 weeks. The newly removed item hasn't been removed from the app yet so people have been flocking to it because they think the sale still exists when the item itself doesn't.

But it took a lot of my energy. I stock items. I don't control what exists.

 

[CatLvr]

It's gonna be a long night. My insomnia is going 90 to nothing tonight.

 

[Yolonoodle]

not good at all

 

[Final_Freedom]

Dreadful

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm rotting away alive. Everything is unattainable. I can't do what I want to do. I'm just rotting alive.

 

[CTB Dream]

No want intrct human species all awfl make trama make injury damage make all thing awfl, awfl life awfl species

 

[fleetingnight]

Really mad at myself. I'm such a coward. It's bad enough when that fucks my own life up, but even worse when it affects others.

 

[LeBroom]

I'm sad, often I'm reminded of how isolated I feel, how hollow the few remaining relationships I have left feel, how little people care about me. The awareness that most are repulsed and disgusted by the sight of my burgeoning and mentally ill habitus, that my very being is perceived as both setup and punchline at once, it's still painful. Even after all the time that has passed from the point where I first realized that people where constantly picking on me, growing up into adulthood with that knowledge, it's still something that hurts. I just wish I'd have some people that see me differently, and as a whole person with thoughts and feelings. But the best I get is just some people who either talk to me out of pity, or from a misplaced sense of duty for caring about me. Talking to the two people, who still listen somewhat sometimes, it feels foreign and distant. I just wish I could get hugged and comforted by someone who liked to be around me for my sake, at least once. Or even to be hugged and comforted at all. To feel like I belong, even for a tiny moment in time.

 

[wCvML2]

Just really disgusted of myself for various different reasons and I can't stop feeling it. I really don't want to exist at all, like ever, and not have to either be alive or dead.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel so ugly and worthless right now. I know that I am ugly and worthless, but sometimes that fact will just randomly crawl to the forefront of my mind and the next thing I know I go from feeling neutral to feeling like shit. I hate myself so much. I don't even have any redeeming qualities. The thought that my bf deserves better than me is a thought that crosses my mind a lot. I'm genuinely a very unpleasant and horrible person to be around and it's not like I have anything to offset that, such as looks or smarts. I want to destroy myself and completely mutilate my body right now and I can't because I was an idiot and decided to tell my parents about my SH. Then again, they would have found out eventually since I was dumb enough to cut my forearms of all places. I want to punish myself so badly right now.

 

[ebg]

I am thinking about what my boyfriend must be thinking. I blocked him without giving him a reason why around a week ago. I plan on calling him after I ingest SN. I know that if I talk to him, I will end up telling him about my plan because that's all I've been thinking about and I don't want to be in the hospital longer.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Headache.

So loud. So tired. Ready to curl up and sleep even though it's not night yet.

 

[wren-briar]

broken

 

[ilikehamsters]

Best described as "numdsdhjadhj"

Was super tired last light (or this morning really) went to my happy place of sleep, and well sleep never found me. Felt like I woke up every ten minutes staring at a wall. Despite spending more time than normal in bed, i feel even more tired and worse than yesterday.

 

[Ahlam]

I feel exhilarated. I fought my dad, and I'm bleeding heavily--but it was great. I told him to leave.

I hope he doesn't come back. I don't stand a chance against him but I did it anyway. Just maybe, things might turn out a bit better for my family. I feel like he'll come back though, and it'd be all for naught.

If that happens, I'll just leave instead

 

[WildAtHeart]

cold, empty and like i could cut. I have work later but after that its a friends birthday, going to get pissed.

 

[ebg]

Neutral. I am hoping that no one thinks that they could have done something to prevent my suicide and that no one feels like they are to blame. I know that my boyfriend will probably end up reading this because I plan on giving him all my login information to everything. I just think that people should be more accepting of death. I am grateful I got to experience what I experienced in life, but I don't think death should be seen as a tragedy.

 

[nattanatta]

I honestly feel I'm being punished for something I've done previously in my life. I have no other explanation for this brutality I'm forced to endure. I still cry every day, the pain just won't stop. I know I'm not going to make it.

 

[wren-briar]

Mentally - so ready to be gone already

Prep - waiting on SN and researching other methods (when energy and internet allow)

Planning - needing to minimize possible blowback on others and needing not to fail again