Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[etherealspring]

guilt. overwhelming guilt. guilty that im alive, but also guilty that i want to die. i feel trapped and im lost. but also numb and always losing track of time

 

[CTB Dream]

This now all incrs hot v awfl wrld rly make evap

 

[terra.nuvo]

I still miss him. Everyday, every hour, every minute I think of him. I get no peace from thoughts of him. You'd think I'd known him my whole life instead of just 2 years. It's insane how much I miss and think about him. Yet he probably doesn't think about me. I bet he goes his whole day without one thought of me and that hurts me so bad. I feel so stupid for missing someone who straight up told me they lied about how they felt about me. I was over him at one point, but then I let him back in and I hate myself for it. And I also hate myself for forcing him to leave my life. He offered to hang out with me twice a week and I should've taken that. I should've been happy that he'd be willing to give me that much time. But aren't I worth more than just two days? Especially when we used to hangout everyday? We went from being inseparable to never speaking again in the blink of an eye and it hurts so bad. Yet he doesn't think of me and probably never will again. And even if he does think of me it doesn't mean he'll call or text. It just means that he remembered for a second the guy who fell in love with him and then pushed him away. I'm so fucking stupid for the way I handled that situation. I shouldn't have blown up at him over and over. I should've just used to techniques that my therapist taught me to try and calm myself. But it's not like they would've worked anyways. Maybe he and I were just destined to be apart and nothing I could've done would have changed that. Maybe he really didn't love me the way he said he did. Or maybe he did love me the way he said he did but I just made being around me unbearable. I'll never know now cause he's gone.

 

[purplesky]

I wish I could close my eyes tonight and never wake up again. I'm tired and want out of this life. Everyday is such a struggle to know I'll carry the same baggage and internal pain as yesterday, and I'll carry it alone. I wonder how much longer will I be forced to live??

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I feel like my ribcage is a clown car and all the demons in my mind are different facets of my persona. Each facet of the problem requires careful attention. But the clowns make noise and laugh and I feel better swimming in that noise than I do alone with the silence. Why bother wearing a mask when you can paint your lips and face any color you'd like? Laugh and cry but laugh more at yourself than you cry for anyone else. Be the punchline in the joke you write on the walls in empty halls. Cut through the filth and dance in the simplicity. Prance into a stupor. Shake until you cut through time. Tie your intestines into balloon animals. We're all made of microscopic Gods vibrating.

 

[innominesatanas44]

A few months wait is a decent price to pay to finally be freed from this nightmare. I was destined to kms since childhood, adults knew it.

 

[breezyjelly]

So extremely tired. Constantly thinking of ctb, but my plans aren't sorted out yet so I have to endure yet another day. My plan is SN at the end of the month, if I can get all the elements for a peaceful exit. Disappointed every time I wake up. The mornings and evenings are the worst, during the day I can preoccupy myself with work, but when I'm alone everything seems worse.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I feel nothing. Except a minor headache.

I prefer that to last nights death anxiety, existential dread, freezing, muscle twitching and crying my eyes out. It'll probably reemerge later.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a great mood because he texted me, but then again, I'm always put in a great mood when he texts me. I love him so much.

 

[sukiduki]

i feel so lost and confused. sometimes i wish it could all be better, i dream of what it could be like to have dreams and passions and happiness. and then next i feel empty because i don't really really have those dreams or passions. idk. it all feels so confusing. i wish i could go to sleep and never wake up. i don't know what to do. i'm slowly working on a ctb plan but i'm still hurting and i'm still scared. i wish it wasn't this way

 

[tychai]

vile, but im short of ways to explain why or how

 

[PinballWizard39]

I just spoke with the Samaritans again becauseI need someone that I can be honest with about any suicidal thoughts /plans. I feel like I'm leading a double life.
Back to work tomorrow so I have to put my 'I'm ok' face on. The joys. The exhaustion. Kill me now.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I should probably try to call that number for getting a therapist that I was given by my workplace but I'm just too lazy. I'm pretty sure it likely won't even work anyway.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I'm wondering why l shut my eyes just for a moment around 6pm and now it's 11pm and now I'll be awake through the early hours again oh well l guess I'll just have to annoy you lot as usual

 

[Placo]

Undecided.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I had an emotional overwhelm at work to the point where I nearly collapsed next to the desk on the floor trying to breathe. Coworker just walked past me without concern. I'm still dissociated, but doing a lot better then a few hours ago.

No clue if he's just used to it and doesn't want to say anything because I always complete my work on time.

I'm kinda dizzy, kinda not there. I'll be okay but, I've been saying I've been having these feelings for over a month now. I'm half freaking out this may last a lot longer then I thought.

I have many thoughts, "can anyone hear me?", "someone please see through me", "anyone, please I'm begging you to see me I'm not okay I need someone to collapse on", and "please. help me."

But I have distrust of everyone, so I don't want them to help me. I don't want to burden people with my pain. I just want to be at peace. I don't know what I'm saying.

 

[damienlerone03]

Betrayed, Backstabbed, Broken. How did I even end up in this state? Trust shattered like fragile glass, dreams fading into shadows. Each wound deeper than the last, each disappointment a heavier burden. The echoes of false promises linger, haunting my every step. Alone in a sea of deceit, drowning in sorrow and despair. The light seems distant, hope a mere illusion. My heart, once vibrant, now beats with a hollow, aching emptiness. It didn't go to plan, why should I even continue in this life.

 

[drearysunrise]

i feel like the world is closing in on me. everything that I thought I had the time and space to build up to is out of the picture now. it makes me feel so small and powerless. im overwhelmed and i need to figure out where I'm going from here, but i can't seem to do anything but panic or cry and cling to old memories

 

[moshimoshi]

I don't know. I can't sleep well more like I refuse to lay down for bed I hate myselffffffffff

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I've been in so much pain. My lungs feel crispy. My back is sore. God. Like someone planted a seed in my chest and it's waiting to burst through my flesh and blossom.

The pain feels good. I hope the flower makes me feel beautiful.

 

[everythingoes]

I miss my friend. @AR3S_ ctbed a week ago. I was one of the last people he spoke to. I promised him I'll grieve him and that's what I'm doing. We both promised we'll grieve each other even when we're gone. I hope he found peace.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Full of sugar, sweet after taste , the most i can focus on right now... it's vibe and energy, being comfortable in my own skin- could be hapinness, safety, love...

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a very good mood today, which is surprising since I thought I today was going to suck. I got my school tuition stuff sorted out and I finally caught up on all my stuff for one of my courses so I can start studying for the upcoming exam tomorrow. Right now, I'm just watching Lab Rats, mostly because I watch re-watched Keyan's videos on it and now I find myself getting sucked back into the show. The show honestly deserved a higher budget and better writing, lol (the writing isn't bad, but I wish there was more character development). Still, it's really fun to watch and I am enjoying myself quite a bit.

 

[NullSz00]

I've been having a lot of headaches lately, and I hate it.

 

[moshimoshi]

I should eat less so my family has more food. A disgusting worthless unproductive piece of shit like me doesn't deserve to be fed.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Had a horrible loss streak in ranked Pokémon Unite today. Why'd they have to nerf all the defenders, man I just wanna play tanks. I finally got a win but it ended up not mattering much because I'm still in Ultra-5.

In other news I forgot to call for a therapist today even though I probably need one, but do I really need one? I have no clue.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

My Autistic Ass VS. 6-Week College-Level Science Course (Online):

(I legit just wanna die already)

 

[Heartaches]

TW: Implications of SH

Sad, lonely, worthless. I want to harm myself to release emotions.​

 

[abchia]

I feel thirsty, disgusting, and ugly. I'm supposed to hang out with others tomorrow but I hate how much I look that I feel ashamed to be seen by them. I feel like they're embarrassed to be seen around me even though they've never said anything remotely close to that. I want to bail but they will just reschedule, or I'll just be stuck alone at home which never leads to anything good. I can't feel anything positive without breaking down and sobbing. I can't look in mirrors for too long either. I really want to no longer be here and I also felt more numb than I've ever felt before these past few weeks that I just want to hurt myself to feel something. To feel anything.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Took Valerian Root capsules and instead of sleeping I feel kind of a disoriented sleepy feeling.

My mind is half dreaming, I'm finding myself flowing in a dream like state. I'm conscious enough to realize this and typing and it's not as strong as my major dissociation I felt for a few days but it's scaring me yet I feel nothing. I feel so calm. I'm too calm and staring at the ceiling with a "I'm in agony and there is no one to scream for" feeling.

I just wanna sleep man. I'm so tempted to go to the sedative but no, I need more melatonin. 12 mg didn't help though. I don't know what I'm saying.