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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,772
Even when I'm nearly halfway across the world, I still find myself getting immediately saddened by seeing her online and knowing I haven't the guts to approach her in the slightest. I wonder if she's feeling relieved that I'm no longer at work to terrorize her for the next few days? I also wonder what it will be like when I come back?
 
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

The drip finally stops
Oct 21, 2023
890
Do shrooms help with suicidality?
I still plan on taking my own life. It's just that my perspective on it has changed. Before I wanted to because I hated myself and felt like a burden. I've felt misersble and depressed for most of my life. Shrooms have helped me change my perspective on things and fix my mindset. Now, when I do get to that point where I'm ready to take my own life, I want to feel at peace with myself. I want to be happy and I feel like I'm at a place where I can finally take the steps to do so.

They can help with suicidality though. I have heard of cases of people discussing how psilocybe helped them with their suicidality. If you ever consider trying them and I'd advise to be careful. The first time I tripped on them I was complete mess. I think I even ended up making a thread on here where I was I constantly switching between happiness and despair. The second time was also a mess, but not nearly as bad. It wasn't until the third trip where I was able to finally get the hang of keeping myself in a good headspace and I was able to actually take the time reflect on myself and my own feelings. Since then, my trips have only been improving in quality and I've been getting more and more out of them.

You could probably get similar results from meditation, but it'll longer.
 
starless

starless

Member
Mar 24, 2024
7
I feel as if I'm grasping for a reason to keep going, for something that I feel I could safely both want and enjoy. As it stands, the closest thing to wanting something I feel right now is a longing for my consciousness to just stop.
 
HereTomorrow

HereTomorrow

eternally atoning
Feb 1, 2024
149
Got stood up by someone who said multiple times they were coming to hang out with me. I'm so numb from videogames to even feel sad anymore. I don't know what else to do since summer is coming and can't hide any potential SH. I just feel numb. Numb. Numb. But not numb enough not realize I'm numb. I was so excited and scared and hyped myself for nothing. I'm forgettable, I'm forgotten. I'm just that random guy nobody cares about unless they want someone to hate. I just want to not be alone...I want someone to talk to about niche interests and hang out and just have fun. My words have more emotions then me, I'm just numb.
 
U

Ulrich

Member
Mar 6, 2024
76
Trying to get things in order does not help. I feel I'm slowly regressing. I don't have interests in anything anymore. I live for the dopamine rush. I cannot see the pleasure in life. My head hurts. I have no right to be here.
 
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

The drip finally stops
Oct 21, 2023
890
I'm in a really good mood right now. I just sorted out some stuff with summer courses and my suspension and re-enrollment. I'm really proud of myself for not running away from this mess. I'm also really proud of the fact that I was able to talk to the Academic Advisor, even if it was while I was tripping. I still need to start off small before I can do these things while completely sober, but the fact that I was still able to talk to her makes me happy. I'm going to try ordering pizza while sober on Monday. I really need to learn how to interact with others.

It's been a good day so far. :)
 
Kimlett

Kimlett

Member
Jan 7, 2024
58
I feel so fucking tired. This is getting ridiculous. Every time I feel suicidal I have to try to stay calm and remind me the good things and the people that love me, or distract myself somehow, and then I feel a little bit better, and then I feel suicidal again, every single fucking day.

I wish I could sleep at will and choose to sleep for months until I starve. I wish I could binge eat until I have a hearth attack. I wish I could fuck up my health by eating junk food without becoming morbidly obese, just being rotten inside and collapsing in a couple years.
 
I

inferiorpisspot234

Member
May 30, 2022
26
I still plan on taking my own life. It's just that my perspective on it has changed. Before I wanted to because I hated myself and felt like a burden. I've felt misersble and depressed for most of my life. Shrooms have helped me change my perspective on things and fix my mindset. Now, when I do get to that point where I'm ready to take my own life, I want to feel at peace with myself. I want to be happy and I feel like I'm at a place where I can finally take the steps to do so.

They can help with suicidality though. I have heard of cases of people discussing how psilocybe helped them with their suicidality. If you ever consider trying them and I'd advise to be careful. The first time I tripped on them I was complete mess. I think I even ended up making a thread on here where I was I constantly switching between happiness and despair. The second time was also a mess, but not nearly as bad. It wasn't until the third trip where I was able to finally get the hang of keeping myself in a good headspace and I was able to actually take the time reflect on myself and my own feelings. Since then, my trips have only been improving in quality and I've been getting more and more out of them.

You could probably get similar results from meditation, but it'll longer.
In your case, Why didn't they make you less suicidal?
 
MortalityScares

MortalityScares

Here for perspective.
Mar 28, 2024
33
I am not suicidal but I am depressed. My current situation is a little rough right now - family is currently grieving a loss. It is making me question my own mortality.

But I am also curious. Curious as to if there is an afterlife.
 
ForgottenAgain

ForgottenAgain

On the rollercoaster of sadness
Oct 17, 2023
464
I failed, believed the plants were stuck in the vase against their will and screaming. I didn't want to hurt them, I just wanted to have a pretty vase. I was confused. The light on a machine started blinking and I thought it was confirming that the plants were angry. I can't trust the machines, I feel sad.
 
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

The drip finally stops
Oct 21, 2023
890
In your case, Why didn't they make you less suicidal?
I don't know. It's not like I have thoughts about suicide as often anymore. I don't think I've had any of those "sucide thought attacks" since I've started taking them. Me wanting to take my own life is more of an active decision I've made based on the fact that I don't find much appeal in reaching old age, rather than it coming from a place of hurt.
 
I

inferiorpisspot234

Member
May 30, 2022
26
I don't know. It's not like I have thoughts about suicide as often anymore. I don't think I've had any of those "sucide thought attacks" since I've started taking them. Me wanting to take my own life is more of an active decision I've made based on the fact that I don't find much appeal in reaching old age, rather than it coming from a place of hurt.
And How old are you?
 
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

The drip finally stops
Oct 21, 2023
890
And How old are you?
I'm 21. Me not wanting to reach old age comes less from fear and more from just a lack of desire for it. I understand the beauty that can be found in growing old but it just lacks any appeal to me. Maybe my views will change in the future? Who knows? But for now, I don't have much of a desire for it.
 
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W

wCvML2

Member
Nov 15, 2021
205
Really disgusted by my physical body and can't let go of the visceral discomfort of living inside a decaying old meat suit. I think that having any organic body is horror by itself, let alone having a body that is failing. I don't know what's wrong with me, but some days, I can't look at anyone because I'm disgusted with the human body and feel nauseous from seeing people (and my own reflection). The only way I found to cope with it is to dissociate, but I don't know for how long I can keep this up when all I want is to not live inside any meat suit at all, so the only relief for me would be to die. This feeling is old, I had it for decades. It probably won't ever go away while I'm alive.
 
C

ConfusedClouds

Member
Mar 9, 2024
73
Upset. No reason. Had andrink. Now watching disney animated films to distract. Im a fucking 'adult' in my 30s. Don't even know what I'm meant to do. Calmed down a bit but no fucking wonder I need to keep myself separate from normal reasonable 'adults'. Can't even deal with no responsibiities, feel like a kid curling up hugging a cuddly toy watching disney. Fucking ridiculous.
 
HereTomorrow

HereTomorrow

eternally atoning
Feb 1, 2024
149
I don't know what to do with myself...

I was single digits, I didn't know what anything was. I didn't know those weird feelings. It's not "good touch" versus "bad touch", it felt good, and I shouldn't of felt it for my age.
Why? Why did this happen? Why didn't I know? Why? Why?
I was young. Nobody knew. Not even me. How did I forget it?
How can my mind register "abuse" when I don't know what "abuse" is?
I feel disgusted with myself, and no "Your trauma is valid" and "I feel sorry for you" is going to fix this.
I hate my body, I hate looking at myself, I hate just my being.
I shouldn't be on this site and yet I feel the need to because I want to be heard without the professional help route.
I was breaking but SA wasn't even discussed, years of therapy and they couldn't find what was wrong with me. They thought depression and me being an asshole.
Years and years of councilors and social workers couldn't find it.
I haven't seen a primary doctor since I turned 18. Just dentist and eye doctor.
I can't trust adults who were supposed to protect me.
And here I am, an adult.
I don't know how to tell people what happened, what he did. I don't feel "abused". I don't feel anything.
I want to cry but I'm too numb. I want someone to hold me. Someone who won't hurt me. I beg to be vulnerable again for someone without them hurting me.
Alas, it's just a dream.
Everyone IRL hates me. I can't speak up. I can't break the family. I can't hurt anyone anymore.
I need to shut up and live another day.
Until I finally had enough.
And leave this world with the burden no one will ever know.
 
Unhumanly.

Unhumanly.

disappear, unseen and unknown
Feb 24, 2023
220
I just met a lot of different people today, there's a thing that never go away from me when I'm in this situation, the way I forget myself when I'm surrounded by people and wonder why am I left drained

I can only meet a lot of people once in a moment and then go through a very long episode of isolation, I'm not the kind of person to be able to build a lasting connection, I'm just charming at first, not when known deeper
 
EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

The drip finally stops
Oct 21, 2023
890
I'm feeling pretty good right now. I got to go out for a belated birthday lunch with my dad and grandfather. It was really nice, plus the waiter was nice covered my dessert. I've been feeling pretty good lately. I've been feeling better than I ever have in a long time.
 

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