Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Lying in bed. Exhausted. Pissed that I'm here for another year of this hell. It will soon be 4 years since I planned to CTB. I shouldn't have been allowed to exist. Weak excuse for a man. No wonder I get trampled on.
Why would any woman want me. I don't even think dudes would either.
There is no point in dating, I would rather be dead. Nothing can fix me except death. It's still light out a can't wait for the darkness. Resenting my parents for bringing me into this horrible world. If they were gone, I would be too.
Haven't eaten anything today. Not that my fat ass needs to.
Listening to healing music on youtube. I don't think it works. I've been using them for at least 6 months.
Still wishing I was dead. I want my forever sleep!!! I don't want reincarnated. There has to be an end to this!!!
Slept for 11 hours and slept 2 more. I could fall asleep again now.
I don't want to be around anyone. People are exhausting.

WHY ????

 

[tess is a mess]

What is the point. Living the rest of my life with bipolar is such a daunting thought. My life has been shit from the get go. What is the point

 

[Kit1]

Back to work tomorrow - I feel so exhausted just thinking about it and wish I could be on leave for slightly longer. Just struggling to cope, to breathe, to constantly remind myself that I need to be here and the pain is just excruciating and memories/flashbacks/nightmares keep taunting me. Wish I could pause everything for a while. But no - I have to start work in 8 hours and keep carrying on as though everything is fine. And I thought I am supposed to be human, not a robot.

 

[Repeat]

I know I should get help or at least talk to someone and not vent on an internet forum but nothing unsettles me more than the idea of being so vulnerable with another person.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Total trash, wanting to die, wishing i was dead.

 

[Life_and_Death]

im just gonna say again..
is now really the moment to care about quitting...

 

[darkestdreamsx]

worthless, self hatred, laziness. yanno, the usual

 

[PinkyStat]

Stop being a bitch

 

[Pallf]

I'm ok with myself ctbing, but I don't want my friends to do it. Hypocritical much?

 

[Life_and_Death]

you opened my eyes to what he was doing to me... then when i cried you weren't there....
youve been 'yelling' at me for years to open my eyes...
then when i needed you.. you were gaming with your friends..then had to go to sleep for work and now youll be busy with work/sleep until next tuesday....
i stayed awake all night waiting for your comfort that never came...

im sorry i opened my eyes... it hurt less....

 

[Sylveon]

There's no escape. I feel like my head is gonna explode.

 

[Life_and_Death]

you know whats wonderful?

listening to someone that r*pes tell you that "you use to be able to see things from other peoples view"
you dont want me to start on your pov. i fucking told you no!

and hes the only one talking me out of killing myself right now

 

[Unhumanly.]

I just self harmed myself, i burnt my skins with heated stuff that melt my skins and then pulling off the melted skin too
That was very brutal

 

[Life_and_Death]

my exhus "i noticed youve been at your limit and youve finally went over it"
please, you cant possibly suggest i go to see a doc?

what bring you here today?
i have no family, friends and i live with my exhus that r*s me because i want to be with someone else but have no wheres to live so i have to put up with it

tell me you wouldnt?

 

[Kit1]

I just want to die. Perhaps tonight will be my release.

 

[Krobo]

Feeling my mortality creeping in. Filled with dread, a suffocating feeling like walls surrounding me are closing in and crushing me.

Nembutal's already expired, so I can't put this off anymore. Not even if I wanted to. 3 weeks

 

[Life_and_Death]

my exhus "so you need more drugs?"
but you dont see the problem with yourself huh? funny

 

[leaf23]

Scared today, which is making me brace to expect the absolute, absolute worst.

Hate this because I know I'll be exhausted before long but..how do you tell your brain to stop doing this again? It's like my brain is tied to a treadmill, with no means of getting free just running and running in circles.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Just now I was really pissed off because of a post made under a subreddit for something that I happen to really love. I ended up cutting myself. The entire time I couldn't help but think about how dumb it was that I was so upset over this. This wouldn't be the first time something this had happened. Two years ago, somebody made a comment I didn't like about I character that I was really attached to at the time. It didn't help that they were supposedly a fan of them. It led me to become incredibly angry (much angrier than I was this time around). I ended up snapping several pencils and pens out of rage. It took me a while to calm down.

I have a tendency to get very overly attached to things that bring me comfort. It's not uncommon for said attachment to sometimes become extreme for certain periods of time before dying down a bit. I guess sometimes you can't help but grab on to anything that brings you some modicum of joy and squeeze it until you've exhausted every last bit of pure joy from it. Sometimes, during that period of hugging and squeezing it, you may end up becoming extremely protective of it. It's pathetic...

Anyway, I've calmed down and now I'm feeling more neutral. I'm probably going end up becoming depressed once Monday rolls around and I have to back to classes. Until then, I'm going to pretend that I don't go to uni and just relax.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm a creep.... I'm a weirdo....

I really don't have friends anymore. No one texts unless I text first.
People I work with think I'm creepy. They don't say anything but I can tell.
I don't know how to connect with people. I seem to creep out men and women.

 

[Life_and_Death]

what do you do with something you dont want anyone to read but you dont want to keep to yourself..
the last time he...... i wrote up a a small paragraph.... i dont want to share it...but if i kms i dont want it dying with me...where he can just open my laptop and delete it like it never happened...

 

[ctvunny]

Feeling anxious about my future

 

[Dliena]

Just had the worst and longest panic attack of my life. And to put icing on the cupcake I'm sick as a dog now! I love life!!!!!!

 

[SoulCage]

Just feeling so damn hopeless and like a disappointment. I still have 2 people left who want to help me but I just have nothing to look forward to. I only could go back to a wageslave life to consume pleasures that are created by other humans who are suffering. Everything I touch, use, eat is completely or partially linked to suffering. I don't want to be part of this anymore.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Unmanly... Diary Of A Whimpy Man....
I'm not even a hot nerd. There are guys who nerdy and are good looking.
I guess it doesn't matter.... The wanting to die thing...

 

[Life_and_Death]

i woke up at 4am (after only just going to sleep) thinking its depressing that my body has been trained to go to sleep to avoid unwanted s*x..then instantly and violently wake up so i can talk to/check on my bf...
then i went back to sleep and woke up at 8.

 

[aby62zqki]

Feeling anxious about my future

 

[SecretDissociation]

I feel numb. I want to die. I want to give up on medication. I want to give up on seeking help. I want to cut my arms open. I want to become nothing. I want myself to become nothing. I want to have peace that everyone around me will keep on living while I remain dead. I want to stop these feelings.

Also my mother slapped my arms (playfully?) cuz she knows I sh'd and they hurt now :( I am also sad it is so hard to get SN in the UK.

 

[Pallf]

I feel this as a woman. I can't connect with anyone, if I do it's because I offer myself up for whatever they wanna do. At this point I'm just tired of it all.

I'm a creep.... I'm a weirdo....

I really don't have friends anymore. No one texts unless I text first.
People I work with think I'm creepy. They don't say anything but I can tell.
I don't know how to connect with people. I seem to creep out men and women.

 

[doormat25]

I feel homesick.