Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[EvisceratedJester]

Earlier today I drank over half a 375ml bottle of vodka and preceded to have a drunken meltdown, where, if I remember correctly, I was crying, moaning, vomiting, trying to post explicit videos and images of myself to reddit (I got banned from a subreddit), cut myself to the bean, sent explicit videos of myself to a stranger on snapchat, sent a bunch of drunked messages declaring my love to that older man, along with messages about how he is too good for me, sent an email in response to a message from my school saying that I hate myself, and then I think I posted some stuff on here.

It was a crazy day to say the least. I'm feeling better now. I had to lie about having a nosebleed to my mom so that was something (there was blood on the paper towels). I'm better now.

Sorry if this was hard to read. I didn't wake up that long ago.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Tim's temporarily brought back my favorite donut.. (the walnut crunch)
i remember when they discontinued them, i was listening to the radio. i was literally upset. i either wanted to or i did cry
i have bpd..
this is my favorite i should be jumping off the wall, "OMG OMG OMG OMG YES!!!!"
instead im depressed and not interested...
its just sitting there. i havent even opened the bag ..

my broken is broken

 

[Life_and_Death]

life just gets better and better.
i went from working in one trigger place to another trigger place.
someone please burn me

 

[useless_friend]

Earlier today I drank over half a 375ml bottle of vodka and preceded to have a drunken meltdown, where, if I remember correctly, I was crying, moaning, vomiting, trying to post explicit videos and images of myself to reddit (I got banned from a subreddit), cut myself to the bean, sent explicit videos of myself to a stranger on snapchat, sent a bunch of drunked messages declaring my love to that older man, along with messages about how he is too good for me, sent an email in response to a message from my school saying that I hate myself, and then I think I posted some stuff on here.

It was a crazy day to say the least. I'm feeling better now. I had to lie about having a nosebleed to my mom so that was something (there was blood on the paper towels). I'm better now.

Sorry if this was hard to read. I didn't wake up that long ago.

You had a productive day, at least !

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Why do I have to feel this way towards him? I love him so much it hurts! I WANT TO BE WITH HIM BUT HE'S TOO GOOD FOR ME!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO START A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ONCE HE SEES WHO I TRULY AM HE IS GOING TO HATE ME!! I'M A BROKEN PERSON, I AM SO PATHETIC!!!! I HAVE SH SCARS ON MY ARMS, I'VE SEXTED STRANGERS IN ORDER TO FEEL DESIRABLE, I CONSTANTLY HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT SUICIDE AND WANTING TO HURT MYSELF!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, HE'S TOO GOOD FOR ME!!!! I NEVER WANTED TO FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT SOMEONE AND I HATE MYSELF FOR FEELING THIS WAY!!!!! WHEN HE FINDS ABOUT ABOUT THE WHO I AM, THE SHIT I DO, HOW MUCH OF A PATHETIC, STUPID, DECEITFUL, DISGUSTING, PIECE OF SHIT BURDEN I AM HE WILL WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!!! ONCE HE SEES HOW GROSS AND DISGUSTING MY BODY TRULY IS UP CLOSE, HE WILL BE REPULSED!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY THAT WE DON'T LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY, JUST BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT WON'T FIND OUT ABOUT THESE THINGS AND LEAVE ME!!!!!!! BUT IT HURTS AT THE SAME TIME JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO HUG HIM!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!! AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MyLuckyStars]

feeling okay. stomach hurts a bit, too much coffee. tasty but makes me feel blegh. not very tired, despite the late hour. gonna see a movie tomorrow. is that how you spell tomorrow? couldnt say. one of those pain in the ass words i can never remember, like necessary. except i can do that one, because i have a little thing i say in my head that makes it work. "neck-es-sary" (minus the k, obviously, but it sounds right). anyways, i really ought to script. but i just like browsing here. seeing all the stories and woes. tossing in my two cents, helping if possible. hangin out in chat. my left contact lens sort of burns right now, put it in about 14 hours ago, makes sense, i think thats when they say they start to fizzle out. i hope tomorrow is good. no way to know, yeah

 

[Krobo]

Feeling diseased. I guess I am diseased. Anyone want to trade bodies? Heh

Life like mad libs. "You can try _________, but unfortunately, ___________. Too bad!"

One day closer

 

[Life_and_Death]

"have you talked to them to find a solution"
why the f*ck, am i putting in all the work to fix something that they f*cking did.
if they want me, then they can f*cking do it.
im tired of working my ass off trying to give a f*ck about people that never give me a second thought.

 

[useless_friend]

Why do I have to feel this way towards him? I love him so much it hurts! I WANT TO BE WITH HIM BUT HE'S TOO GOOD FOR ME!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO START A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ONCE HE SEES WHO I TRULY AM HE IS GOING TO HATE ME!! I'M A BROKEN PERSON, I AM SO PATHETIC!!!! I HAVE SH SCARS ON MY ARMS, I'VE SEXTED STRANGERS IN ORDER TO FEEL DESIRABLE, I CONSTANTLY HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT SUICIDE AND WANTING TO HURT MYSELF!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, HE'S TOO GOOD FOR ME!!!! I NEVER WANTED TO FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT SOMEONE AND I HATE MYSELF FOR FEELING THIS WAY!!!!! WHEN HE FINDS ABOUT ABOUT THE WHO I AM, THE SHIT I DO, HOW MUCH OF A PATHETIC, STUPID, DECEITFUL, DISGUSTING, PIECE OF SHIT BURDEN I AM HE WILL WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!!! ONCE HE SEES HOW GROSS AND DISGUSTING MY BODY TRULY IS UP CLOSE, HE WILL BE REPULSED!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY THAT WE DON'T LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY, JUST BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT WON'T FIND OUT ABOUT THESE THINGS AND LEAVE ME!!!!!!! BUT IT HURTS AT THE SAME TIME JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO HUG HIM!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!! AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Can we all love you until you can love yourself?

 

[Life_and_Death]

im so hurt by everything im even upset at my cat.. i try to work with her. i try to love her and do what she needs. but when im crying i cant even get a 3sec hug and shes all i have... it feels like a 1 sided relationship where im giving her my all and telling her shes a good girl, but i get nothing unless she wants something...

i want my other baby girl back... i could pick her up, lay her against my chest and we'd just lay there all night cuddling each other and her fur was so warm and nice and comforting... i dont think she left my side all night, id wake up with her still in my arms...

all i want is a hug....

 

[useless_friend]

im so hurt by everything im even upset at my cat.. i try to work with her. i try to love her and do what she needs. but when im crying i cant even get a 3sec hug and shes all i have... it feels like a 1 sided relationship where im giving her my all and telling her shes a good girl, but i get nothing unless she wants something...

i want my other baby girl back... i could pick her up, lay her against my chest and we'd just lay there all night cuddling each other and her fur was so warm and nice and comforting... i dont think she left my side all night, id wake up with her still in my arms...

all i want is a hug....

My cats both succumbed to kidney failure some years ago. I still cry. It hurts.

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

Directionless and hopeless. Not in a depressing way, but more of an exhausted, confused way. Like, same shit, different year (decade... life...). I suppose I have adopted a personal doctrine of strict nihilistic individualism. Like, I'm in this shit on my own, I'm not entitled to help from anyone, my suffering could be all in vain, and in the end, none of this shit is going to matter. That is comforting in a way.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm exhausted.
Everyday, at work, I've been roasted.
Clouds, please strike me with your lightning -
I can't CTB, it's so frightening!

 

[leaf23]

You can't reach through them by reason, you can't appeal to their sense of empathy. Some people will do the EXACT same crap over and over again. Some people WILL hurt you over and over again.

I've seen something interesting in a post on another site the other day: 'May you meet a person exactly like you.' Right now I'm so effing INCENSED that I wish for them the exact same thing.

 

[Kit1]

Exhausted, in pain, emotionally numb and feeling absolutely empty - like the little girl who was always left alone and abused.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

so fucking hopeless and disgusted and upset about the world. theres so much horrible shit happening and nothing seems to be changing no matter how many people speak up about them. it all just seems to be getting worse. i dont know what to do. i just want to die. im so selfish and pathetic that i cant see any point in trying if its all useless, i just want to die bc thats the only way it feels like itll all end, even though i know everything will still carry on as it is after im dead, i just wont be there to witness it. im so disgusted and angry at the human race. everythings shit and its our fault. why wont they listen. why do they care so much about money. it doesnt make any fucking sense. i just want it all to stop. all the gross performative bullshit. all the lies and dodging questions. just make it fucking stop.

 

[Lost1234]

I feel annoyed, and not annoyed...... I feel exhausted but want to do something ..... I feel useless, but want to make someone's day .... I feel like sleeping but never waking up

 

[jello]

I don't want to be myself. I don't want to be seen, but at the same time I crave external validation. I just want to disappear.

 

[Widdershins]

I hung out with a friend today and wanted to tell him that I felt suicidal but I didn't. I feel ready to explode. I've been crying and feeling really suicidal for the last couple hours and can't sleep. Have no way to kill myself at the moment or I might have done it. I get suicidal when hungry sometimes so I had a snack. Still feel the same. Checked my calendar and realized it's probably hormones. Help! Last time I tried antihistamines and it seemed to help with suicidal thoughts but also made me drowsy til the next day. :( I hate suicide hotlines. I want to turn off my brain so I can sleep.

 

[Unhumanly.]

Last time I wrote about melting my own skin and peeling it, I come back to say It's been kind of a repetitive habit of me I can't move out from, I couldn't really explain it more other than it's such a feel of release

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel like shit. Whenever small sitautions come along I mess up and when big situations come along I hurt everyone around me.

It's around -10 degrees right now, but it supposed to feel closer to -17/18. I am sitting down on a large rock without my jacket or sweater on. I cut myself in the washroom but I guess that wasn't enough, so instead of going somewhere to buy something to eat I just went outside. The entire time I was walking up here I kept on hoping that I would slip on some ice and hit my head on the concrete so hard that I'd die.

When I was in the washroom I heard a group of friends come in and they were just talking about mundane things all happily and it made me feel broken.

I'm just going to stay out here for a bit.

 

[ForsakenEcho]

Kinda tired, missing her attention even though we don't really have a thing anymore.
But surprisingly I feel ok to work today

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

ANGER !!!!! I HATE LIFE & THE PEOPLE WHO SCREWED ME OVER !!!!

Machine Head-Ten Ton Hammer








I am the thing that makes you sick
I am the blame that gets placed quick
Detect the crack within your lie
I'll be the wrath of your disdain
I'll be the fear in you engrained
Become the facts that you deny

I can feel this pain is real
I hate deep down inside
And like broken glass you'll shatter
With bloody fists I'll batter
Like a ten ton hammer, son

I'll be the trembling in your breath
Trickle of blood upon your flesh
You'd love to watch me take the fall
I'll be the thing that you despise
'Cause I'm the path to your demise
And I'm a be there standing tall, tall

I can feel this pain is real
I hate deep down inside
And like broken glass you'll shatter
With bloody fists I'll batter
Like a ten ton hammer, son

I can't stand or take another day my friend
You could learn a thing or two
I can't stand or take another day my friend
You could learn a thing or two

I can feel this pain is real
I hate deep down inside
And like broken glass you'll shatter
With bloody fists I'll batter
Like a ten ton hammer, son

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

Feeling stuck in the land of the living and having some qualms about the ctb plan. (I'm planning to ctb while traveling) One of the connection flights I booked in advance got canceled and I have just realized how risky it is to have all the connection flights booked separately directly from the airlines because I won't have any insurance if in the middle of the way a connection flight gets canceled that'll leave me stranded in a random airport, not yet in the intended destination. So I wasted a whole bunch of money on nothing and I'll have to delay the plan in a few more months to save up enough for the trip. So yeah, stuck.

 

[migimortis]

I'm going to be homeless. Even if I offered to suck d#ck, no one would pay for it. I'm only happy when I'm drunk and I hate spending money, why the f#ck am I still alive. I need to find a gun to blow my brains out, but if I do, people will think I'm a mass shooter. I don't even know how to load a gun so thats a sh?t idea. F#cking f?ck what do I look like in lipstick? Jesus thats f#cking disgusting I would rather kill myself f#ck why am I oversharing with strangers on the internet, ah yea its cause you have no one you f#cking idiot be grateful mods even let you in here, idiot get rid of the fucking p!ss bottle before pissing in another one whats wrong with you now you have TWO p!ss bottles and they are HALF FULL retard fuck.

Ok I don't always sound like this, but that was just random thoughts free flowing. That sounds terrible.

(tried editing it down but it still sounds real bad, sorry if it is against rule mod I didn't mean harm)

 

[omegas82128]

I keep thinking about, how everything is eventually survivable and that everything eventually kills.
I have a noose ready and SN ordered. I have a date set for my ctb and suicide notes written. But still a part of me is unsure.
I am in so much pain that I want for it to end. But more than that, I don't want to be so alone.

I wish I could tell people that I was going ctb and for them to accept it like I had an incurable illness. We could spend time and I could go on my merry way. But as things stand, if I tell anyone they'll try their best to stop me. And there will be only more anguish.

But then again, if anyone I knew irl were to accept my choice. Nothing good would come from it. As everyone would blame them as an accessory to my death. If there's a fucking god, he's really milking the shit out of this scenario for maximum fucking pain. To the point that I do have to respect him

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I hate life!!!! It just gets shittier & shittier!!!!
Yesterday was horrible!!!! I just wanna fucking die!!!!
To all the prolifers out there who use the "It gets better" shit.... Fuck You!!!!!
It's continually gotten worse!!!! Just a shit life for a shit person!!!!!
If this downward spiral continues... I WILL CTB!!!!
My New Years Resolution is to NOT make it to another hellish year!!!!

 

[doormat25]

Tired and scared.

 

[funnyjoy]

I feel weird. I got everything I need, the method and all, but I stop myself short of doing it because I'm scared of what comes next.
I really don't have the heart to face my issues, to fix my shitty gpa and potentially see my ex in my classes, but I just can't end it despite wanting to

 

[Unhumanly.]

my skin natural rotting already made it easy for me to self harm and peel my skins but I'll try another area that isn't affected by the rot
like, my neck for example
Maybe not melting method this time
I want to push a razor to it, or needle
Also i'm biting myself now