Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[ghost44]

Why does it never get better? I feel exhausted.

 

[leaf23]

I'm so annoyed with myself and I'm so frustrated with those people. I hate how I'm so triggered by that injustice and the hypocrisy of those people. I'm so annoyed with how I'm so affected by them. I hate that I know I'm entering that cycle of angry frustration to exhausted numbness. Why can't I regulate my emotions? Why can't I be normal?

 

[CTB Dream]

No want stay no posbl solve ,time travle , need

 

[Dead Ghost]

I feel bad, I am not well, I do not know what is wrong with me, I feel pressure in my head together with a slight sadness sustained in the last weeks. I don't go out of the house, I don't know how to treat other people, other people don't know how to treat me (or if they do and maybe I don't understand them). I am dizzy, nauseous, I do not sleep well, nervous, dejected... I am hot and sad, I do not feel well.

I am not and will never be able to plan or seriously approach CTB, as it is more of a desire than a real option... and I am sad because I am kind of fading away little by little, disappearing in slow motion, each passing day a little more... I feel like I am dying of sheer exhaustion.

... I'm choking, I'm short of breath and I have no tears to express what I feel.

//

Em trobo malament, no estic bé, no se que em passa, noto pressió al cap junt amb una lleugera tristesa sostinguda durant les últimes setmanes. No surto de casa, no se tractar les altres persones, les altres persones no em saben tractar a mi (o si i potser no les entenc). Estic marejat, amb nàusees, no dormo bé, nerviós, abatut... tinc calor i tristesa, no em trobo bé.

No sóc ni seré capaç mai de planificar ni abordar seriosament el CTB, doncs és més un desig que no pas una opció real.. i estic trist perquè estic com desfent-me a poc a poc, desapareixent a càmara lenta, cada día que passa una mica més... noto que m'estic morint de pur esgotament.

... m'ofego, em falta l'aire i no tinc llàgrimes per expressar el que sento.

 

[CTB Dream]

Feel tired no want human

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i want to destroy myself. i hate myself so much. im scared of going out bc of how draining it is but being at home drowns my brain in sorrow. i dont feel safe here, but i feel scared everywhere else. i dont know where i belong. i belong no where. everything is shit. my brain is shit. i know this is probably just because its summer and i hate it so much. i feel the worst in this disgusting season. i even hate the word. its supposed to be a "happy" word but it makes me feel sick. i want to disappear forever. im so disgusting. i want everyone to fuck off. i want to feel loved. i dont know what love feels like. i dont know what it feels like to be wanted. no one wants me here. i should just disappear. i dont even want to be here. i cant take it anymore.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Funny how some memories can trigger a full blown panic attack. Even though it's not funny at all.

 

[outatime_85]

I am one of the least successful members of my circle, and my existence is sad.

My family is basically waiting for notification of my demise.

It is strange to know that one's own family sees how another family member's movie is possibly going to end in a tragic way, yet instead of helping, they just watch from afar.

 

[Unending]

I'm absolutely miserable and feel nearly nothing at all... other than unpleasant feelings, both mental and physical of course. It's beyond jarring when an episode shortly subsides just to come back with debilitating symptoms and tear apart any goals or desires you made or had begun to develop in the midst of reprieve. My body feels awfully sickly (aches, pains, coldness, and whatnot). My brain feels completely fucked, which is easily the worst part. I can't put any thought into a single thing or do anything productive at all, not even by my standards.

And then of course I just feel absolutely nothing at all. I look around at the world like a zombie, just lifting a finger is hard, uttering a single syllable is difficult, I'm just completely dead. Life is such utter fucking trash. I wish there was actually a reasonable case for being able to overcome adversity and struggles based on how much you're willing to try, rather than how your circumstances came about. Great! I exist in a situation in which my actions don't get me where I need to go and I keep getting pushed towards the ledge by uncontrollable factors despite trying to step back from the ledge.

 

[bijou]

i feel a little sad today

 

[ghost44]

I want to die.

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry tired all sffr nobod undrstnd, not know wat do me lone ,ape species nvr undrstnd

 

[meandthebirds]

i feel a sense of desperation. i want to feel needed by someone, but my presence nor absence doesn't affect anybody. i have so much love to give but noone to give it to. recently i have been thinking about attempting to overdose again, i don't want to live this life anymore. everybody says it'll pass with time, but this feeling of loneliness has been lingering for so long.

 

[just_so_done]

I feel like an utter failure in all aspects of my life. I'm so sick and tired of this existence but have no energy to put my ctb plans in motion. I feel so utterly alone dealing with everything and angry that the ones i fought to stay alive for I feel like they just aren't there for me. Why should i keep fighting, why is guilt always been such a strong emotion for me? I'm just exhausted physically and mentally, trapped in my home because of anxiety and spend many days just laying bed crying or staring at the wall. Plus my eating disorder is super active and i stupidly binged tonight so i fucking pissed at myself. I'm just sad and hopeless.

 

[Zegers]

I've got the gun licence, now i have to choose a proper 9mm. Last summer i didn't have any method and now i have two, it seems that now a window has opened.

 

[sadsadinfp]

Lonely, wondering how to fill a void someone left.

If neither of us meant for it to end, is it really a breakup? We had the best of beginnings, we both felt a connection, there were real, totally unforced Moments that couldn't have happened between anyone but us, if for a little while we really lived in a pastel-painted world made for two, but the colours and the feelings faded while you waited for me to come back - it was perfect, but time and distance took away the middle, and withering away isn't really an ending... I miss you, I miss the closeness, I mourn for what there was, I ask myself what could've been done differently, if someway this might've worked. While I've felt this way before, I'm not sure that at 34 I'll feel the same way about someone again. Right now all I can do is lie awake with the stars and Chopin, remembering and wondering what might've been.

 

[kaleidoscopedreams]

Anxiousness, I'm supposed to support myself for the rest of my life? I can't do it

 

[outatime_85]

I am just a nobody, a nothing beat down by life, something that should just be put down as an act of mercy, especially since I am not destined for great things.

 

[leahfocusplease]

nil. tomorrow there may be some thing or one. for now just a twitching. as usual

 

[endlesSquid]

Jealousy, anger, sadness and confusion. I can't accept myself for who I am and the change I want to make is a huge leap of faith...

 

[outatime_85]

I am in deep decline, and those around me know the inevitable outcome.

 

[ubamantus1]

emptiness, loneliness. i am in a desperate need of attention and meeting with other people. i would like to be loved again.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i just want this to stop. i just want peace. i dont want to try anymore. i cant. im exhausted. i just want to stop thinking, breathing, existing. i dont care if i had potential. i cant do it anymore. my potential never meant anything anyway. so what if i could have gotten a good job and became "successful", im gonna die anyway so whats the point. it would only benefit those i dont care about, and theyll die eventually too. nothing matters. i dont need to try. i just need to die. trying has gotten me nowhere so whats the point in carrying on. i dont have the energy anymore. please just let me go. just let me die.

 

[tootired4life]

tired, upset, hopeless

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I was informed a few days ago that my (insert family member) had been discovered dead from what appeared to be an overdose.


...what is my life?

 

[Zegers]

People have no idea what you might be going thru but, they don't really care because people is self-absorbed. When i go out my back hurts, my leg hurts, this bag of bones is so wearisome. Mind is constantly in an listless state, it takes me hours to get out of bed and whether i go out or not is pointless. I only see people out there healthy and content and i feel inferior, unremarkable. I only can glimpse the road to ctb, which it's the light at the end of the tunnel but, as long as it gets there, the daily distress is like a snowball. I feel that i will burst into tears. Empty loop.

 

[rabid_aspie_yokai]

I wanna change my body so bad. I want to look how I was "meant to be". Gender dysphoria is hell and I don't know how much longer I can keep going

 

[psp3000]

I feel tired and anxious and a plethora of other things

I have a test today and even though I've studied for 2 months and then a week prior to this and passed both practice tests I still feel worried about not passing I just want to get it over with and speed though today so then I can finally have a break from everything also I'm worried about how many other people are testing today but hopefully it's only 10 people or less I don't go out in public often or leave the house (unless I need groceries but only during the times there aren't many people) but I should be okay with being in public by now but it's hard

Edit: wow it was canceled

 

[CTB Dream]

This planert no good live this all yr more hot crazy hot alws sffr alws hot crazy evapr no enrg,awfl planet awfl species

 

[outatime_85]

I am viewed by those around me as something to not emulate, an enemy, or a utility.

Just something to be used or something to fear.