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cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
837
feeling numb and lost. i keep getting the urge to sh. i picked at my fingers and now it hurts to hold my phone and type. it feels like im going in and out of reality, like i cant remember most of today, it feels like its been going on for ever but it also feels like i only just woke up. its 9pm now. i dont feel bad but i dont feel good. now my parents are shouting about the most trivial fucking bullshit again. why cant they just talk at a normal volume instead of shouting at eachother when theyre standing right fucking next to eachother. its like their default is shouting. it takes little to no escalation for them to shout. they arent fucking deaf bc they hear me anytime i say something under my breath. i just want everything to shut up. i want my head to explode. i want to lie in a river underwater so i dont have to hear anything but the water. fuck sake.
 
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numbnesshuman

numbnesshuman

People who get lost
May 13, 2023
63
Confused. Managing phone storage, and feels like I'm looking at a different person's life from my past photos
 
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Barzakh

Barzakh

Member
Apr 7, 2019
14
like I should go to sleep but I don't want to
 
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spøgelse

spøgelse

Student
May 14, 2023
104
tired. numb. the usual.
the logical part of my brain is telling me not to sh until my current scars have healed because i might get caught, and the other is telling me to just do it. pain is comforting.
my hands are shaky as usual. it's gotten worse though i assume. i'm getting comments about them.
 
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frogboi

frogboi

mountain goat
May 22, 2023
25
Im so tired of being autistic. I wanna be normal I wanna be normal I wanna be normal. It's like I'm not even human anymore.
 
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O

outatime_85

Warlock
May 17, 2022
775
I feel like I am traveling through the nine circles of hell, like a proverbial modern-day Dante but without the aid of Virgil.
 
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UninformedLover

UninformedLover

If you see me active on here...its gotten worse...
Nov 12, 2019
264
I feel very annoyed today. Today like everyday I have to cook dinner and it's annoying to me because I am the only person who does it. If it was up to me I wouldn't cook at all but if I don't my sister will starve. I live with my mother and she couldn't even be bothered to cook or act like an actual parent. And it's not even just that. I have to do everything around here. Nobody else does anything. I have to cook,clean,grocery shopping, - everything. And then when I clean up, it just gets dirty again in record time. Every single time. It's just frustrating. It's like I'm a mother with two useless fuckwads as kids.
 
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I

i need go

New Member
May 23, 2023
3
Não sei, no momento estou bêbado, nem sinto meu corpo, isso é normal para mim, meia garrafa de vodca por dia, mentalmente na rotina sinto um cansaço extremo e o desejo constante morrer, ninguém acredita quando digo que vou me matar mas vou embora em 5 minutos nem vou lembrar que escrevi isso, mas espero ser lembrado depois da morte
 
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unnormal9

unnormal9

SOLDIER T.
Apr 12, 2023
1,139
I'm feeling an onslaught of new users.
Tired, distressed, lost, empty, ready to leave, i can't stand this earth much longer.
That makes two of us, Cloud.

(Not you just your pfp)
 
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Dead Ghost

Dead Ghost

Mestre del Temps
May 6, 2022
1,339
I am trying hard to make friends online and I have downloaded an app...but I can't find anyone like you guys and that makes me feel sad, because it means that actually people like us don't really relate or don't know how to do it well...I guess I really want to be alone and just write to someone sometimes -when I feel bad...I am selfish, yes-.

//

Estic esforçant-me per fer amics en línia i he baixat una aplicació... però no trobo ningú com vosaltres i això em fa sentir trist perquè vol dir que en realitat la gent com nosaltres no es relaciona o no s'en surt bé... suposo que en realitat vull estar sol i només escriure'm amb algú de vegades -quan em trobi malament.. sóc egoísta, si-.
I finally uninstalled the application. I could not stand the feeling of being a pure commodity valued according to the interests of others. I find it a bad system for making real friends... plus I was not at all comfortable reading people's profiles and comparing them to mine. It has made me feel very isolated from the world... I will continue to go my own way and be myself without worrying about how others value me, it's much healthier.

//

Finalment he desinstal·lat l'aplicació. No suportava pas la sensació de ser una pura mercaderia valorada en funció dels interesos dels demés. Em sembla un mal sistema per fer amics de debó... a més que no em trobava gens a gust llegint perfils de gent i comparant-los amb el meu. M'ha fet sentir molt aïllat del món.. continuaré anant a la meva i sent jo mateix sense preocupar-me de com em valorin els demés, és molt més sà.
 
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G

ghost44

Student
Apr 14, 2023
103
Every day is agony.I wish to be gone forever.
 
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Eternal Pessimist

Eternal Pessimist

Student
Oct 16, 2019
164
I just want to have one final good day. Nothing special, just listen to some music, maybe watch a few episodes of my favorite shows and then go to sleep and never wake up. The key here would be that I wouldn't even know it was the end. It would just happen without me having to worry about it.
 
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CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Disabled. Hard talk, don't argue, make fun, etc
Sep 17, 2022
2,172
Dtriort lose funct wst this rly afraid this prison life v awfl ,no able time trval no any stay this vege potat. Imgn 1 mmnt lose all, all dvlp skll etc all all ,awfl life awfl unvrs
 
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Salvation_

Salvation_

"Please, finish my story."
Nov 25, 2020
234
today sucked. i don't have any more to say. just one of those days. i hate myself
 
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Zegers

Zegers

Enlightened
Dec 15, 2021
1,763
just.. another weekend without any plans, it's the usual but i can't get used to this empty npc life.
 
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▪︎⚠ KOHI ⚠▪︎

▪︎⚠ KOHI ⚠▪︎

-10 points in life
Feb 27, 2023
53
Empty for the entire week, also hungry and wish I could go for some sweet snacks but is midnight and could get caught.
just.. another weekend without any plans, it's the usual but i can't get used to this empty npc life.
I feel the same way I'm just in auto mode for now, the only thing that makes me feel better for a bit is chocolate but cannot eat it as often as I could.
 
Last edited:
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cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
837
i can hear kids chanting and screaming and cheering at the school near my house. it sounds terrifying. its reminding me of when i was in school. why is it making me scared. i wish they would stop. its probably an end of year sport event or smthn. why is that normal. why is it normal to make so much noise. i just closed my window and i can still hear them.
also i finally managed to get in touch with a driving school to get more tests so i can get mt driving license yesterday and i got an email from them today saying theyre fully booked. i feel like this is another sign that no matter what i do to try and better myself it will never work. im so fed up and tired of my useless pathetic excuse for a life. i know its stupid and i should just keep trying to find someone that has vacancies but it just takes so much out of me to do one step and when it backfires it just makes me want to die. im not cut out for this life. its like every time i try to do something to better my life its like im trying to shove a square block into a circular hole. all i have is a square block and none of the holes are square. it just wont work. im so tired of trying.
 
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Zegers

Zegers

Enlightened
Dec 15, 2021
1,763
Billions of souls on this space rock and so much loneliness, what a joke.
 
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G

ghost44

Student
Apr 14, 2023
103
It gets worse.
 
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Salvation_

Salvation_

"Please, finish my story."
Nov 25, 2020
234
I have crippling depression and anxiety and wish I was dead every day
 
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crimsonpool

crimsonpool

hikikomori
May 15, 2023
96
angry, suicidal, angry, tired, wish anyone in my life cared enough to help me even though it's too late. angry . i want the world to end
 
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Zegers

Zegers

Enlightened
Dec 15, 2021
1,763
Headache, scammed by life, so tired of it all.
 
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jazzcat

jazzcat

dark eyed and miserable
May 19, 2023
138
I can't sleep, it's 6 am, I met my friends earlier and told them I've been struggling a lot and they basically told me everyone struggles sometimes. I get that they mean well but my depression ruined my entire life and I'm actively planning my own death it's not the same as them being tired because they're working so much due to having successful careers or them fighting with their boyfriends or whatever. I'm exhausted I'm sooooooooo exhausted
 
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Tortured_empath

Tortured_empath

Arcanist
Apr 7, 2019
459
Might go to the church and pray
 
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CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Disabled. Hard talk, don't argue, make fun, etc
Sep 17, 2022
2,172
No want stay all awfl pain all same
 
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Bunnybrains

Bunnybrains

Member
May 22, 2023
61
I feel v3ry conflicted. Like i just wanna burst out in tears. I dont wanna go alone- i domt want them to suffer. I feel like im swallowing a golf ball. Why i just let go of trying? It would be so much easier
 
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littlelungs

littlelungs

Wizard
Oct 21, 2018
630
Still here, still stuck in this endless cycle of suffering. Couldn't move for a while this morning because the pain throughout my whole body was so severe, it felt like my insides were made of corrosive acid and then I got hit by a train. Once I was finally able to get myself up I took something to try to help take the edge off, but I guess I took too much because I ended up throwing up. Just existing with this body and brain is so excruciatingly painful. I want nothing to to do with this.

On a more positive note, I've finally finished almost all of my preparations. Hopefully I will finally get my peace soon.
 
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CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Disabled. Hard talk, don't argue, make fun, etc
Sep 17, 2022
2,172
This life cruel no mthod have no posbl time trval, cruel life no posbl peace live no posbl peace death, wish nvr exst
 
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L

leaf23

Specialist
Dec 12, 2020
335
I wish I had someone I could say to: hey, I feel like kms. I want to kms to end all this pain of missing them, this anxiety of freaking out at every single thing to the point of not being able to go out my freaking room, this alternating, overwhelming sadness and numbness of being prone in bed for days. I wish I had someone who could say to me: hey, we can find a solution for this together. I love all of you, you're the most important to me and I'll always be here for you.
 
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G

ghost44

Student
Apr 14, 2023
103
I'm tired of toxic positivity.
 
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