Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Myforevercharlie]

Restless

 

[Lok1_/./]

Tired and alone. i'm surrounded my so many people yet I don't feel belonging

 

[Emptied_soul]

Feeling absolutely insane right now, my bf who dumped me months ago, texted me out of nowhere, added me on steam and i decided to check his twitter since he made it private a few months ago and there's a tweet about me and how broken i left him and how depressed he is that i'm not with him. I don't even know what to do.

Life doesn't makes sense sometimes. No wonder sometimes i believe my life is staged and i live in the truman's show.

 

[TapeMachine]

I'm wondering how much longer I'll be able to deal with my consistently inconsistent moods...

Yesterday: "my life isn't so bad; maybe I'll put this whole suicide thing away for now so I can really try to live."

Today: "I have nobody, no one...I could start fasting right this minute and then drink my SN early tomorrow morning, just go ahead and end this fucking misery."

 

[nozomu]

Dread. I don't think I'm going to make it

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

Completely numb, almost inhuman.

 

[John12]

I want Nembutal powder.

 

[Jaxveil]

Hopeless, I hate the constant fight with my mind.

 

[Zegers]

I had to fill in a test in order to get the firearm licence, questions like "have you ever thought about death?" the answer was no, of course.

One step closer to having it, now a few months of paperwork and the method will be ready.

 

[thereisnomeaning]

I'm scared, life scares me and I feel so tired and alone, yet the thought of dying is terrifying and I keep having nightmares about my husband finding me and breaking down.

 

[StarFaded]

Numb, just want to sleep my life away.

 

[CTB Dream]

Feel v tired this mmry injury damage this trap noable doany ,rndm now brain mess no posbl prcs no posbl any this absurd life absurd situ all no sense

 

[everythingscaresme]

I feel like nothing is ever going to work in my favor and that's okay now

 

[{ixo//}]

Exhausted. I hate myself.

 

[Madao]

energetic and slightly happier than usual

 

[peachchildtenshi]

guilty and empty. wish I could just turn back time.

 

[charlotte_]

neutral, kinda unproductive

 

[Saltedcoffee]

I feel empty. Spent some time in the shower lights off just feeling the hot water and its sting on my freshest tattoo. I wish I could just knock myself unconscious for some time, not even necessarily ctb. I try to think to the future and look for a new apartment, think of my summer job, possibility of uni, but I can't find joy in any of it.

 

[CTB Dream]

This world all sffffr brutal no wabt stay seee all awful see injury damage see dtriort, wrong cncpt not wqbt stay now lose slf lose all this time need leave

 

[hypertext]

i'm tired and hungover. i have no motivation to move or do anything. i have loads of chores and schoolwork to do but i'm not going to do them. and i blew up at my friend last night and i think he hates me now. im done.

 

[kitee80]

worthless, hopeless, angry, sad, suicidal

 

[aubrey!]

so tired.
i wish i could have a pause in time, i want my breaks to be longer, i can't keep doing this. i'm so tired of it. it's going so fast when i want it to go slow, and so slow when i want it to go fast. i don't know where i'm headed, but i wish i could stop now.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I can't believe I'm in so much mental and physical pain! It hurts to know I'm not alone.

 

[Salvation_]

I don't know why I checked the college forums. I'm not even the one who posted about failing a class three times, but I feel for that OP. Watching them get roasted makes me lose all hope. I don't know how to get better myself. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. People seem to downplay "mental health" issues until you mention suicide attempts, then suddenly it's like people come out of woodworks with sympathy because your mental health issues are "real" when you actually attempt. Fuck that. They genuinely just wanted some advice. Why pretend like suicide is bad when you also imply that the "real world" isn't fit for someone who fails a class three times?


I know I'm basically projecting myself on that random OP but I hate myself. I'm worthless. I've never gotten a proper depression diagnosis, so it's a real possibility that I don't even have an excuse for being suicidal for the past two years. I'm lazy. I don't know anything about the real world either. Also, fuck "the real world". It's the easy way out to leave, why not take it? I keep thinking I have nothing to lose. I don't have energy to live a proper life. I don't have anything to live for. It's so easy to give up.

 

[leaf23]

Mixed feelings as I came across consecutive news reports of fatal accidental drownings.

Jealous that the victims are dead & I'm not and still living & suffering.

Sad that families of the victims must be in dreadful mourning. The victims themselves must have no plans of dying, wanted to live and are cheated of their chance of.

Guilty and feeling ungrateful that I'm jealous of the victims.

Relieved and optimistic because reading these news reassure me death is possible via drowning method, of which I'm considering as my primary method. Feeling lost/trapped is one of the worst feelings and seeing that this option is open to me makes me feel really relieved.

Scared of dying, of the pain in the process of.

Sad that my choice to kms is the lesser of evils. I would've preferred to choose death in joy. Have to remember to face it in peace if I can't in joy

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry feel lose no know wat this allll no good wat do not know feel empty only time move dtriort me unfortunate stayy this awful world

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

I want Nembutal powder.

YES — SAME

Agonizing + inhumane to continue like this with 5+ years untreated + spreading CRPS/ RSD + compounded injuries + underlying complex illnesses + now paralysis.

*Today Easter Sunday night is the 1 year anniversary of my last CTB attempt.

Failed OD despite 10x my dose of respiratory depressive medication.
And collapsed lungs since Covid / AZ Vax.

Planned for weeks and zero SI. But was not aware of SaSu etc.

I never expected to wake up + physical deterioration / disability is 1000x worse now. As is Gatekeeper.

My quality of life is less than zero.
Highest human pain level on the McGill Pain Scale.

But I'd rather lose my head than my legs / limbs.

Dehumanizing GP clinic refuses to accept 'Vascular Specialist's' diagnosis of CRPS

 

[epic]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

Frustrated and angry .

 

[CTB Dream]

Now feel all sad mmry pain suffer

 

[leaf23]

Anxious. So anxious twisting myself in knots thinking what to say in a simple message. Will I offend them? Am I being overfamiliar? Annoying? Too clingy? Arrogant? Too distanced? Can I convey my sincerity without sounding too awkward? Because I always seem to feel awkward.

How do people communicate again? I'm always like this, always seem to devolve into this mute awkward mess and it's always so tiring.