Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Toji]

right now? honestly i feel numb

 

[Min-Ho]

really hopeless and frustrated

 

[H.O.Xan]

Hollow

 

[Danyyyyy]

Excited cuz Im close to finishing Steven Universe but also tired cuz i keep staying up late to finish it

 

[starrycat79]

alone, bored and kinda hungry

 

[Dead Horse]

One of the most triggering things I can hear is something like "don't be a victim, take responsibility for your own actions, it's on you to change yourself, don't blame others or luck for your life", things like that.

There is no one that judges me as hard as I judge myself. But, God, those things are usually coming from people that never had to deal with the problems that the people they are referring to had to deal with. It's a lack of empathy, unrecognized privilege, and plain stupidity all at once.

The simple reality is that some people ARE victims, some people AREN'T responsible for how their life ended up being, some people ARE unlucky, and some people's mental health problems aren't allowing them to "put in the effort to better themselves". Not me, necessarily, not everyone, but most, IMO.

 

[Challu]

Numbness. I really want to be finished with life, cuz this is a horrible way to go through it.

 

[Krobo]

Constant searing neck, back, and throat pain. I'm fed up. I'm completely fed up. Maybe today.

 

[CTB Dream]

Me injury damage vry long tm callous fiend prtnd nothing all awful scum species ni word no any no thing, prtnd me no exist awful scum all life ruin lose all cuz scum callous fiend prtnd nothing, awful species awful universe. Not want exist want mthod nowew

 

[leahfocusplease]

tired. not the tiredness of dejection and suicidal ideation, but of 'i have something incredibly important to do, it will take a lot of effort and i have to do it as quickly as i can'. hints of love and hope, a light grayscale, blurry shadows extending their hands and limbs to a flower without expecting or knowing if they'll reach it. crescent moon.

 

[marudekinoumitai]

Empty. Bored. I just wait for every day to be over. I used to be lonely, but lately when I've spent time with others I've just felt worse, like I'm being hit over the head with a blunt object. It's awful

 

[Toy]

Right now, very tired and sick. Had an awful night last night and woke up sick, the world is constantly cursing me with something.

 

[trist]

very empty. i also have some weird stomach ache, hopefully it will kill me

 

[JD_looking_for_avi]

Hopeless and sad. In the last days I have been living like a zombie. Conclusion: just need to finish myself.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Today was shit. No one gave a shit.

'Won't leave me alone. Touching me. In my space. Up on my ass.

'Causing me anxiety rashes.

I want to shallow a sawed off shotgun. I just want to be ok.

 

[Alfarooq]

Fuck my gay existence. I have finally decided to make the decision to CTB. I would much appreciate if anyone would give me an assisted suicide method in the UK. I have let people down so much, I keep making mistakes, I am too dumb for this world, everyone around me is succeeding in life except for me, I will not make it in this world at all. I will never succeed or be able to do what I always wished to do. So what's the point of living? Life is for those who are able to make use of themselves. Those who have a good future in their life. Those people deserve to live. I don't. I have no motivation and no chance of success. It's not like I deserve to live anyway. This 6 months lasting depression is all my fault.

 

[Sulyya]

Incompetent

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

It feels like people only like me when I'm funny or useful.

 

[sadjenny]

I wish I had a daddy. I wish I was young and pretty enough. I wish someone would adopt me. I'd try my best to be good for them.

 

[Nemy]

I don't have any will to fight anymore. I've been trying so hard for the last couple of years. Went back to school, took on internships, tried meditating, read books on healing trauma. A few days ago, my sister tore me down because I couldn't stand up to her expectations and literally forced me to talk about why I was feeling overwhelmed. I had no intention whatsoever to ever share anything with her. But I broke down. We made up. But I came out of it, feeling like the worst scum of the earth. She kept saying all I'm good at is quitting and that I was never going to amount to anything. The truth is, I've have these thoughts about myself for years since I knew I was never good enough for my parents. Now all the fight left in me is gone. I haven't felt this worthless in a long time. I guess I really was buying time and trying to convince myself I could change. I'm tired. I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[Xernarot]

Anxious, stressed, exhausted

 

[littlesadcake]

I feel anger, sadness, regret, hope, spite and love. My long time partner and I have been in a legal battle for a long time over domestic abuse issues. I have been both verbally and physically abused and s abused by him over the course of our relationship. He has 'proof' because he has been taking photos of his injuries from me defending myself and me being the ignorant person I am really believed in him and never ever thought of reporting him and taking photos. It has been draining during this whole process but I still love him but there is also so much sadnes. I know that he will never leave me alone and the situation hasn't ever improved. Not to be that person but I believe and have received comments from others that I am quite attractive, I am very financially stable, I have an amazing job with a rare company that actually treats their employees right. I've come to the realization a long time ago though, that all of that means nothing when faced with the sadness and disappointment in humanity. I wish I could go back to the day before I met him and just looked the other way so that I could be an independent person who doesn't need to depend on love to get by. I wish not even to ctb but to never have been born so I wouldn't ever have to go through this. I also feel terrible for feeling this way because I love my family, my friends and my amazing colleagues who supported me every step of this difficult life. CTB definitely the next best thing. I will leave a note and apologize to my family and friends who I've left probably extremely traumatized in this process and I will handover all the work I have to my colleagues as efficiently as possible.
All that and I have a spot on the middle of my face so although shallow to say, don't really want to ctb before that disappears
Edit: and also not sure if anyone know this but how much of the body is ruined by SN? I do want to donate anything that isn't ruined by SN to someone who actually needs it and appreciate their life. Hopefully that person brings joy to the people they are around.

 

[leaf23]

Gutted, tired.
I feel like I keep reaching new levels of naivety and stupidity because I keep forgetting some people have knives for tongues and egos outpacing their logic.

 

[Emmadner]

Alright, have been better have been worse

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Pain!!! (Health issue)

Catching up on music threads until I can get back to sleep. Need to be awake in a few hours. I hate life.

 

[Hitakiri]

I don't know. Not exactly numb, not exactly alive. I feel like I've sunk into the spaces between. There's so much rain in my heart, that I feel I can't even walk anymore. I keep swimming, but swimming is exhausting. I'm reminded of my favorite movie "The Crow" - There's a scene where a girl is trying to skate, but it's raining so hard that she can't. "Ugh, I hate this. It feels more like surfing than skating." She says. Then we have Eric, a man who died a year ago but was always kind to her. He's come back from the dead, seeking revenge on those who killed him and his wife, after they sexually abused her infront of him. He carries deep grief in his heart, but it doesn't erase the kindness he had for the girl. He sees her struggling to skate, and says "..It can't rain all the time." She immediately looks back, "Eric?!" but he's gone. Those words have always been profound to me. Despite my grief, and the constant rain, I always try and ensure I never let it drown me. Eric Draven lived in a state of unlife, existing only for a distinct purpose. I've always related deeply to him.

 

[TheTranstarEngineer]

Hungry, generally tired.

 

[maybemonday]

Holy fucking shit my head hurts so much. It's like nails being pound into my head. I just wanna sleep. I want alcohol but I'm on day 15. I guess I'll smoke weed.

 

[Wlfgrl]

Eh, day off of work so im doing okay

 

[Certain.Magic]

I feel sick like I'm about to empty my stomache but I also feel like parts of me will splinter at any second. My thoughts rip me apart and glue me together like mosaic from glass shards and no one is here to understand and no one is here with the same pain and no one sees me and no one sees the holes inside of me its just the husk of what i am was or will be