Unfulfilled sexual desires ruined my life

[Makko]

Besides seeing it said elsewhere, I've seen this topic come up time and again here on SS and many times there's replies where commenters specifically state that they're *not* talking about romantic intimacy or any kind of relationship. They want to achieve the act of sex, and not doing that is the worst thing in their life.

They're not talking about romantic intimacy, and neither are they talking about the physical act you can get from prostitutes. They're talking about being sexually wanted, i.e. being the object of lust. Abstract romanticism or paying someone to touch you won't give you the basic sexual validation you need to feel accepted as part of the pack.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I can relate to that. My desire for a partner is not primarely focussed on sexuality. I try not to think about it too much it makes me too sad this topic.

For me it is. Im not ashamed of that. I was a partner for the sex. It saddens me that i cant get that

 

[fox_wannabe]

I'm not sure how something as insignificant as a sexual desire can ruin your life.

It is kinda important for men. We have higher libido and need for intimacy and affection. This is how we are wired.

Cause of death: unfulfilled spider fetish

Or maybe fulfilled spider fetish.. (Ouch!!!)

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

It is kinda important for men. We have higher libido and need for intimacy and affection. This is how we are wired.

I'm actually sort of wired the same way but if I'm single it doesn't bother me.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I'm actually sort of wired the same way but if I'm single it doesn't bother me.

It was bothering me.. than I got used to not having any positive attention or affection and now I am ok with it. Or maybe I am not idk. It was big thing for me as I remember.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

It was bothering me.. than I got used to not having any positive attention or affection and now I am ok with it. Or maybe I am not idk. It was big thing for me as I remember.

I think if you get used to a starvation diet, that means you've lowered your standards and are ripe for abuse. Though if you genuinely stop caring, it gives you the power.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I think if you get used to a starvation diet, that means you've lowered your standards and are ripe for abuse. Though if you genuinely stop caring, it gives you the power.

No I cannot "not care". Plus you really weird me out with this "ripe for abuse"... gross. Are you male or female?

 

[Whale_bones]

They're not talking about romantic intimacy, and neither are they talking about the physical act you can get from prostitutes. They're talking about being sexually wanted, i.e. being the object of lust. Abstract romanticism or paying someone to touch you won't give you the basic sexual validation you need to feel accepted as part of the pack.

Except I'm telling you that what I'm referring to is not that. That also exists but that facet isn't what I'm specifically discussing here. It's another part of the realm of sex and desire, but that isn't everyone's first priority. As I've said, what I'm referring to (only in the paragraphs talking about sex workers) is those whose goal is the achievement of sex. I then go on in other paragraphs to talk about other things that were related, but different, but which you didn't address here, I just want to make clear that I'm applying this to this subject specifically.

Some people want to have a good orgasm, they want to physically have sex with another person, and masturbating isn't the same. Of course, there's a lot of stigma against sex workers, and if you view that as dirty or somehow lesser, you're going to think it can't be a satisfying and pleasant experience no matter what the goal is. But for the goal of physically having sex with another person, *not* other needs, it's a great way to make that happen without having to worry about being judged on appearance, social status and everything else.

Other than intimacy being validated and feeling desirable are big reasons why having sex is very important

It's weird that you cut my quote off there, mid-sentence, because in the rest of that sentence I make it clear that I'm saying you *shouldn't* say they're lying. Your comment I've already addressed a bunch in my other comments; I wasn't talking about achieving emotional needs with sex workers. I would just be going around in circles at this point if I said more about it.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

They're not talking about romantic intimacy, and neither are they talking about the physical act you can get from prostitutes. They're talking about being sexually wanted, i.e. being the object of lust. Abstract romanticism or paying someone to touch you won't give you the basic sexual validation you need to feel accepted as part of the pack.

Nah, it's not about the pack.

 

[motel rooms]

Some people want to have a good orgasm, they want to physically have sex with another person, and masturbating isn't the same. Of course, there's a lot of stigma against sex workers, and if you view that as dirty or somehow lesser, you're going to think it can't be a satisfying and pleasant experience no matter what the goal is.

I'd just like to add that good sex is never just a purely physical act for any human being, even males included. Contrary to the stereotype, guys can experience significant sexual pleasure & have a satisfying orgasm only if they're in the right headspace/emotional condition. An erection is useless if you don't feel lust. When I forced myself to experiment with girls 20 years ago, I was able to get hard, but the sex was so unstimulating that my orgasms were pathetic. It took me ages to have them, much to my partners' delight. Yes, gays are better at sex than str8 guys even when they sleep with women!

 

[noaccount]

It is kinda important for men. We have higher libido and need for intimacy and affection. This is how we are wired.

Or maybe fulfilled spider fetish.. (Ouch!!!)

You're just mistaken. Women's desires are not lesser, weaker, less common, or less complex than yours. You don't speak for women.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

Yeah sort of, I would never be able to have sex cause of chemical castration and it's frustrating af and a reason I want to die, I didn't realized how important sex was until I was castrated… I have no sexuality anymore… and it drives me crazy daily, castrated without my consent. I also can't really feel romantic love and that's also very frustrating :( fuck life so much

 

[Yasuke]

You're just mistaken. Women's desires are not lesser, weaker, less common, or less complex than yours. You don't speak for women.

They are for 80% of men. But for the top 20% I'm sure women are just as horny if not more


Also I don't really understand the pushback from unrequition. Who are you to invalidate that as a reason for suicide? I guarantee you in hypersexualized society not getting your sexual needs met is going to cause intense frustration. Anger and rage will arise while a sense of powerlessness dominates you. Every time you see something arousing or erotic you are met with the realization that you can't fulfill your deepest carnal desires in life. Your only form of release is frequent masturbation but otherwise it's chronic loneliness and impotency. And they all overlap with inadequacy, loneliness, love, validation and intimacy manifested from your inability to be desired. They are all one in the same.

It also leads to feelings of unbelonging when everybody else is getting relationships and sex so it shouldn't be any surprise anyone would become suicidal under such conditions. Anyone that disagrees is either asexual or never had a problem attracting mates in the first place. Which also means you don't know shit and are myopic enough to believe that your own opinions are facts without having adequate empathy for others.

 

[noaccount]

They are for 80% of men. But for the top 20% I'm sure women are just as horny if not more

No, you're wrong.

 

[Marktheghost]

Not sure about sex, but lack of love and affection and company has ruined my life.

 

[existtosuffer]

Having bipolar for me is more frustrating because I can be hypersexual & completely engaged, to uninterested, bored, & depressed in the space of 5 minutes.

Relationships have always been difficult to maintain because of how often I lose interest, when I created it in the first place.

 

[Disappointered]

The internalized humiliation of being unable to fulfill the need for gratifying sex in young males probably always leads to irreversible damage of some sort. Is that the same for women? I don't believe so. I'm sure there are things that can lead to irreversible damage for them...obviously. But it's not lack of sex. Which is why I don't expect to see 35 yr old women at their sexual peak mowing a crowd down with a van or making minced meat out of a crowd after opening fire gleefully, fully in the moment of emotionally traumatized stupor. I'll stand corrected when it starts happening at the same rate as with male incels.

...if it ever happens at all: has it ever happened like that with a female?...I know of the girl who "just didn't like mondays" but to my knowledge she never complained about lack of validation though sexual conquest or acceptance.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I would say yes. Intimacy is very important for a healthy mind (I am not talking about hook ups)

this.

being deprived of human touch, connection, affection and intimacy hurts so much.

overtime it starts to turn the whole world into a gray, colorless place.

it's definitely one of the reasons why I'll CTB.

 

[OldDrummer]

I've been an addictive type all my life.

In my 50's now, my libido's shot, but in a way it's like being unchained from a madman.

 

[raghu1977]

I find intimacy kinda weird. I prefer it if the sex is totally transactional. I dont want to deal with any emotional crap after we've bumped uglies.

Charlie Sheen is my ideal - " I dont pay for sex; I pay them to go away after"

 

[Darkover]

my only reason for wanting to ctb in the first place unfilled love, my only regret really is the lack of love oh well

 

[Foresight]

this.

being deprived of human touch, connection, affection and intimacy hurts so much.

overtime it starts to turn the whole world into a gray, colorless place.

it's definitely one of the reasons why I'll CTB.

This is well said. Human connection matters so deeply. Being cut off from human connection has always been my #1 issue and it actually ruined my physical health on top of my mental.

I find intimacy kinda weird. I prefer it if the sex is totally transactional. I dont want to deal with any emotional crap after we've bumped uglies.

Charlie Sheen is my ideal - " I dont pay for sex; I pay them to go away after"

While I understand this feeling, I'm the complete opposite. I'm such a sucker for romance.

 

[AMorteVivente]

Very true. And anyone whose sole desire is to have sex can achieve that through a sex worker; it doesn't matter what a guy looks like, what his social status is, what his social skills are or what disabilities he has. Sex workers specifically serve people in these groups often, because it's a quick and easy way to achieve sex where none of these things matter. All any man who wants that has to do is maintain a minimum of hygiene and treat the sex worker decently (with the same amount of respect as you'd expect of anyone else.) If having sex is the most important thing in someone's life, then it only makes sense they'd spend money on that first before games, ordering out for meals, alcohol, TV, and all the other recreational things people spend money on (that usually add up to way more).

But as you say, having sex only fixes the problem of not having sex. Neither sex nor a relationship will just flip a switch and clean up all your problems in life, as much as we're all programmed to think that from the constant bombardment of love stories in movies, music and books, and relationships always being "the norm" in what we see around us. For way too long I forced myself to keep dating because everyone around me was obsessed with it and I thought I would eventually fit into that norm. It never happened.

If I went to a prostitute every time I needed sex I would go bankrupt and homeless in less than 1 month, and stay that way for the rest of my life. I would have sex a few times the first week of every month, then sleep rough and ask for food outside of supermarkets the rest of it. Your argument assumes you have money, which many here don't have (or finding cheap sex services I suppose, I have never seen those here). My blood boils at how stupid that solution really is.

Back when I was homeless, I had to eat the cheapest things available and I slept on a broken car, and even then I didn't even have enough money to drink sodas. Unless you have some big plan to make us earn enough money to live decently and be able to afford prostitutes on the regular, it's like telling homeless people to go 'buy what they need and the problem is fixed'.

People, let's be realistic when giving advice.

 

[Antigonish]

What a joke. Water isn't needed since it only has a temporary effect, then?

You can go years without sex. Try the same without water.

 

[that_guy2611]

same tbh

 

[Ligottian]

I am a 61 year old male virgin. Top that, anyone! I am straight and have always had a strong sex drive. Sex workers require condoms, which for me would be like having sex with a piece of plastic. I use the "second best" method of relieving myself. Oh, and I have a horror of impregnating a woman.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

If I went to a prostitute every time I needed sex I would go bankrupt and homeless in less than 1 month, and stay that way for the rest of my life. I would have sex a few times the first week of every month, then sleep rough and ask for food outside of supermarkets the rest of it. Your argument assumes you have money, which many here don't have (or finding cheap sex services I suppose, I have never seen those here). My blood boils at how stupid that solution really is.

Back when I was homeless, I had to eat the cheapest things available and I slept on a broken car, and even then I didn't even have enough money to drink sodas. Unless you have some big plan to make us earn enough money to live decently and be able to afford prostitutes on the regular, it's like telling homeless people to go 'buy what they need and the problem is fixed'.

People, let's be realistic when giving advice.

even if we had infinite money, one could argue that prostitutes or sugar babies don't and cannot offer real affection, intimacy etc., since they are there just for the money.

also, what makes sex special is not just the sex itself, but the whole experience of connecting deeply to another human being.

it's pretty much a spiritual experience.
I'd argue it cannot be easily replicated by having sex prostitutes / sugar-babies or even by hooking up on dating apps like Tinder etc.

I personally felt empty inside after hooking up on a dating apps. was not very different from a "mutual masturbation".
then I can only imagine how bad should be the feeling of having sex with a prostitute, at least compared to some deep, spiritual connection, affection and real intimacy ("into me you see") with someone you're actually close with.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

You can go years without sex. Try the same without water.

Yes, I did a bad job of explaining myself in this thread. I don't want to write those page-long dissertations in every thread where I try to say something.

I'm curious, what is the reason behind even writing this? I know that you can survive without sex, my first comment was about how it's not even sex that's the problem for me. You know that I know this. What is the point you're making, then? That never having had a romantic relationship is less lethal than dehydration? You know that everyone knows that. I have no idea at all why you wrote this reply.

The whole point of using water is to illustrate both that it doesn't matter unless you really lack it (no real taste, nothing special, most people drink it all of the time); and also that your other problems still remain after you've taken care of your dehydration. This will go over everyone's heads unless you spell it out in pages upon pages of mentally exhausting tedium.

I'm sure the people that have seen some of my other posts know what I meant. And they would also know that there's more to back up my views than what I wrote here. This is why I don't want to write brief comments anymore (only jokes or pure vents are safe from this); if you post something that isn't an entire essay covering all of the nuances, you'll get hit by this sort of nitpicking. If it's a "controversial" topic, then forget about posting one or two sentences unless you want long back-and-forths where you have to explain the entire universe in order to not get called a misogynist or whatever.

I also do this to people all of the time, since it's just too much work to actually understand what someone is thinking. If I were perfect, I guess I'd constantly be wary of what I don't know and ask questions instead of assuming stuff. In some cases it's impossible to get the whole story without asking a bunch of questions (only have one short post to go from). Think this format just isn't good for certain kinds of dialogue (complicated, heavily subjective topics). In comparison, IRL talks combined with writing (keeping things on track, remembering points, etc) I think is better at those things. Best might be writing entire books and reviewing each other's work, in combination with long IRL talks with plenty of time to think, at all times. Needless to say, that's not realistic here.

This has got to be the last fucking shitty online discussion I ever get into. I've done tens of these on here, it's completely pointless. Well, my entire life is pointless, but it doesn't make sense to sit here and have mild to moderate stress levels due to someone not understanding me and feeling like I have to write paragraphs upon paragraphs to finally feel like I'm done with this. Some half-assed thing I wrote months ago is getting dug up, nothing new and no end to it.

If your larger point is that "sex doesn't fix depression" (barely anyone disagrees with this sentence, taken literally and without addendums), try reading the posts in this thread. There happens to be a solid analysis from Makko on the first page.

In order to stick to my own values, then. I would again ask: Why did you post this? What is the point you're getting at?

 

[Superdeterminist]

You can go years without sex.

Maybe I don't want to. To me life isn't just about surviving.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You can go years without sex. Try the same without water.

You can go days without water. Try the same without oxygen.