Unfulfilled sexual desires ruined my life

[Insomniac]

I feel you. not being successful professionally ruined mine

 

[sorry-i-need-help]

My existence ruined my life. I look ugly as shit, can't even leave the house.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I miss really satisfying sex a lot :(" I had the most amazing partner and the sex was so good I never wanted to have to have sex with a new person again. I hate that someone set the bar too high and now it's hard to enjoy sex if the chemistry ,attraction, compatibility sucks lol!

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I miss really satisfying sex a lot :(" I had the most amazing partner and the sex was so good I never wanted to have to have sex with a new person again.

same. I remember it every day. I was never that happy in my life like I was when I was with this girl and especially when we had sex. it was an outworldly chemistry that I don't expect to find ever again.

by the way, how life changes... fast foward a couple of years later and here I am, more than three years without any sex, not just high-quality sex, and I feel miserable...

You can go days without water. Try the same without oxygen.

you can go months without food, but it doesn't make food less important.

in fact, being malnourished or with a under-optimal diet can take your health away in so many different ways, including causing depression.

I'm not surprised by the fact that some people have the belief that sexlessness doesn't cause any detrimental effects to humans, as there was probably not a lot of scientific research that was invested into this topic, but there is, however, a lot of research into loneliness and its deleterious effects on health - it's pretty well known, to make it simple, it's pretty much as bad for you health as smoking.

after so many years of traditional religions and cultures basically forcing people to see sex as something wrong, sinful, dirty and forbitten and so much effort put into either making it a tabbo or directly and aggressive restricting it, it's unsurprising that this "forbidden" topic, that has very recently become more open, has so little scientific knowledge behing it regarding its long-term benefits and the deleterious effect of being chronically deprived of it.

there's some epidemiological data showing singles to do worse in many health outcomes, although this type of data, being associational, cannot indicate a causation mechanism.

nevertheless, through anecdotes, I believe we can see that it appear to impact people's lives indeed.
I see in some of my colleagues and in myself, that are chronically deprived of affection and touch, a sort of thousand mile stare: our eyes look so far away, like we're half-dead. we still put food in our mouths, lace our shoes and keep living, but we're not really excited to be alive or have, quite the opposite: life seems gloomy and flat, as though life without love is miserable. for some, it indeed seems to be.

there are opposite anectodes, though, of monks living asteric lives, using shabby clothes and touching no other humans, certainly not having sex, and apparently having good health outcomes, so I don't discard the possibility that there are other factors into play here.
but maybe people like these healthy monks could be outliers, while the majority will have their health hurt by chronic loneliness.

I personally am deeply surprised by how far away from our natural state we dare to live: doing unmeaningful work, eating ultra-processed food-like products, hiding from sunlight, with no outdoor movement, no fresh air, no human touch, no affection, no community, no sense of purpose, living like androids - except that we are humans, not androids.

in romances today, both men and women are denying that their need other.
but no matter how times have changed, they still do.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

You will always want more.

I have lived a hyper sexual life relative to the average person.

You will never stop wanting more.

I would have liked the traditional life path available to my elders but that is no longer sustainable in the modern world. The one partner for life paradigm is dead and not coming back

 

[Antigonish]

Maybe I don't want to. To me life isn't just about surviving.

I get that... sounds like you're missing companionship.
Sex is to a $2 hooker, as companionship is to breakfast in bed.

I'm not shaming or anything. But maybe try tinder or similar apps. I did it for a while, but it didn't work out. Most people were only looking for one thing.

Yes, I did a bad job of explaining myself in this thread. I don't want to write those page-long dissertations in every thread where I try to say something.

I'm curious, what is the reason behind even writing this? I know that you can survive without sex, my first comment was about how it's not even sex that's the problem for me. You know that I know this. What is the point you're making, then? That never having had a romantic relationship is less lethal than dehydration? You know that everyone knows that. I have no idea at all why you wrote this reply.

The whole point of using water is to illustrate both that it doesn't matter unless you really lack it (no real taste, nothing special, most people drink it all of the time); and also that your other problems still remain after you've taken care of your dehydration. This will go over everyone's heads unless you spell it out in pages upon pages of mentally exhausting tedium.

I'm sure the people that have seen some of my other posts know what I meant. And they would also know that there's more to back up my views than what I wrote here. This is why I don't want to write brief comments anymore (only jokes or pure vents are safe from this); if you post something that isn't an entire essay covering all of the nuances, you'll get hit by this sort of nitpicking. If it's a "controversial" topic, then forget about posting one or two sentences unless you want long back-and-forths where you have to explain the entire universe in order to not get called a misogynist or whatever.

I also do this to people all of the time, since it's just too much work to actually understand what someone is thinking. If I were perfect, I guess I'd constantly be wary of what I don't know and ask questions instead of assuming stuff. In some cases it's impossible to get the whole story without asking a bunch of questions (only have one short post to go from). Think this format just isn't good for certain kinds of dialogue (complicated, heavily subjective topics). In comparison, IRL talks combined with writing (keeping things on track, remembering points, etc) I think is better at those things. Best might be writing entire books and reviewing each other's work, in combination with long IRL talks with plenty of time to think, at all times. Needless to say, that's not realistic here.

This has got to be the last fucking shitty online discussion I ever get into. I've done tens of these on here, it's completely pointless. Well, my entire life is pointless, but it doesn't make sense to sit here and have mild to moderate stress levels due to someone not understanding me and feeling like I have to write paragraphs upon paragraphs to finally feel like I'm done with this. Some half-assed thing I wrote months ago is getting dug up, nothing new and no end to it.

If your larger point is that "sex doesn't fix depression" (barely anyone disagrees with this sentence, taken literally and without addendums), try reading the posts in this thread. There happens to be a solid analysis from Makko on the first page.

In order to stick to my own values, then. I would again ask: Why did you post this? What is the point you're getting at?

Sorry I didn't mean to repeat the already said. I have a bad habit of reading the first few post or the last, very rarely both. So I missed the whole witching burning...
~Sorreerrrier than Ever~

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I get that... sounds like you're missing companionship.
Sex is to a $2 hooker, as companionship is to breakfast in bed.

I'm not shaming or anything. But maybe try tinder or similar apps. I did it for a while, but it didn't work out. Most people were only looking for one thing.


Sorry I didn't mean to repeat the already said. I have a bad habit of reading the first few post or the last, very rarely both. So I missed the whole witching burning...
~Sorreerrrier than Ever~

Where do you find 2 dollar hooker

I've heard of like crack whores in the USA that charge like 20 bucks but I've never heard anything that insane

 

[Antigonish]

Where do you find 2 dollar hooker

I've heard of like crack whores in the USA that charge like 20 bucks but I've never heard anything that insane

My friend nowadays, no one pays for sex. And if they do, you're right, its definitely drug related, or something heinous (like sleeping with minors).

When it comes to sex I'm pretty sure they have an app for that.

Oh and $2 hooker, is just a saying... figure of speech. Usually applied for things not worth its value, or to make the act seem that much more criminal, ect. Basically an overstatement.

 

[deadgothboy2003]

To be fair, yes and no. My sexual desires seem to be deemed as taboo at the least. Am I the only person, who including suicidal thoughts, also experiences homocidal, sexual thoughts?

 

[Antigonish]

Okay so the homicidal ones might be a little...
But who am I to judge, been unsuccessfully tryna kill my self for the last 13 years.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

My friend nowadays, no one pays for sex. And if they do, you're right, its definitely drug related, or something heinous (like sleeping with minors).

When it comes to sex I'm pretty sure they have an app for that.

Oh and $2 hooker, is just a saying... figure of speech. Usually applied for things not worth its value, or to make the act seem that much more criminal, ect. Basically an overstatement.

Uhhh?

No one pays for sex… let's do a quick google …

It's a several hundred billion dollar a year business. Please , don't spread misinformation. I don't know how detached you are from reality I know the kind of cash guys lay down for escorts including officers from THE PENTAGON.

You seem to imply that just because tinder exists prostitution disappeared . The reality is tinder is even used as a match maker for prostitution ….

 

[Antigonish]

I'm not a billionaire and most likely you aren't even. I'm not about to use half my income to get laid. When I could literally hook up for free.
But either way. If you want sex, and hookers or high class escorts are at your disposal. Then go for it.

Also I try not to rely on Google for certain matters. That in itself is speculative. Hey google what's the weather look like?
Hey google how much is a prostitute?

Uhhh?

No one pays for sex… let's do a quick google …

It's a several hundred billion dollar a year business. Please , don't spread misinformation. I don't know how detached you are from reality I know the kind of cash guys lay down for escorts including officers from THE PENTAGON.

You seem to imply that just because tinder exists prostitution disappeared . The reality is tinder is even used as a match maker for prostitution ….

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I'm not a billionaire and most likely you aren't even. I'm not about to use half my income to get laid. When I could literally hook up for free.
But either way. If you want sex, and hookers or high class escorts are at your disposal. Then go for it.

Also I try not to rely on Google for certain matters. That in itself is speculative. Hey google what's the weather look like?
Hey google how much is a prostitute?

Your personal choices don't change the fact that prostitution is a huge deal in our world. Why did you post pretending as if it isn't ?

You also posted some nonsense as if prostitution is 100 percent drug related or pedophilia related. Drug related - yeh maybe in the shithole US where a lot of people on this forum live , but not in high class countries in Europe or Asia (countries that represent a possible future for humanity , as opposed to the collapsing US).

It's the worlds oldest profession and it isn't going anywhere .

 

[Disappointered]

I agree with @SuicidallyCurious about prostitution and I don't think anyone who's male can find sex for free. It's a cruel world out there and if you're a beta male with problems, women will reject you.

 

[Antigonish]

I'm gay. Mostly non-binary. And they have grindr...
So the whole alpha, beta, whatever Male stereotypes are just that stereotypes. You'll always fail at the chances you never take... I dont like that people assign labels to those who are willing to step up.

Prostitution in Europe - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

Prostitution law - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

Not sure what world you live in. But your high class gentleman society where America is hell. Isn't the common view or statistical fact.

Plus I'm pretty sure of my crazy whacked out ideas comes from being a lazy millennial. The easier the better. And prostitutes or prostitution just doesn't seem easy or better to me. And high class non STD ridden escorts. Just sounds like a waste of a couple thousand.

Plus women are human beings also. Who are fully capable of choosing who they get to mate with. And I assure you alpha male Chad, isn't hurting your chances any.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Sex is to a $2 hooker, as companionship is to breakfast in bed.

Wait...could you explain that please? I don't get it

 

[Sanva]

Sex workers require condoms, which for me would be like having sex with a piece of plastic.

can't imagine why the ladies aren't all over you...

 

[Superdeterminist]

can't imagine why the ladies aren't all over you...

To me it seems like a compliment to the woman. One wants to feel her, not rubber wrapping! Of course, there's good reason why they're used, but nonetheless.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I'm gay. Mostly non-binary. And they have grindr...
So the whole alpha, beta, whatever Male stereotypes are just that stereotypes. You'll always fail at the chances you never take... I dont like that people assign labels to those who are willing to step up.

Prostitution in Europe - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

Prostitution law - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

View attachment 86576
Not sure what world you live in. But your high class gentleman society where America is hell. Isn't the common view or statistical fact.

Plus I'm pretty sure of my crazy whacked out ideas comes from being a lazy millennial. The easier the better. And prostitutes or prostitution just doesn't seem easy or better to me. And high class non STD ridden escorts. Just sounds like a waste of a couple thousand.

Plus women are human beings also. Who are fully capable of choosing who they get to mate with. And I assure you alpha male Chad, isn't hurting your chances any.

Your view on prostitution is just skewed.

Prostitutes rarely cost thousands of dollars. That's like porn star level escort

America is hell. The whole world knows it. The rich in our world would much rather live in Europe or east Asia given the choice . USA is full of doped up losers

 

[Ligottian]

One reason I revealed my virginity was as an experiment. In this woke world, it's very easy to be branded some kind of "ist" or "phobe" or "hater" or "shamer". But adult male virgins? Pile on, one and all! The creep is probably some mass shooter in embryo. I guess not all marginal groups are created equal. Oh well, being suicidal, I guess I'm an equal with the rest of the losers, cowards, and weaklings.

 

[Sanva]

To me it seems like a compliment to the woman. One wants to feel her, not rubber wrapping! Of course, there's good reason why they're used, but nonetheless.

yeah i feel super flattered when a guy prioritizes his own sexual pleasure over my personal safety & health

 

[Ethereal Knight]

(…) The creep is probably some mass shooter in embryo (…)

people prejudge me in this kind of way too.
it's weird.

they think a guy who doesn't have sex must be a far-right extremist, mysoginystic, hater, mass-shooter etc…

when in fact it's often a guy who is just too ugly, shy, socially awkward, short, poor, financially-dependent, with low self esteem etc…

I'ven seen they "cancelling" and ostracizing me and other guys like this, before they even knew us of before they checked if their prejudgements were true or not.

some of the people who are too involved in politics think they are trying to make the world a better place, while often they are actually being tribalistic, dogmatic, divisive, polarising, intolerant, aggressive and bearing a kind of "us versus them" mentality.

many young guys cannot stand being socially stracized and may get depressed.
I'm lucky I'm older and can afford to be alone with no friends without having my mental health affected too much by it, like it seems to happen with some of the younger guys.

yeah i feel super flattered when a guy prioritizes his own sexual pleasure over my personal safety & health

sometimes it's the girl who wants to have sex without condoms. sometimes it's both parties.

I've had girls pressuring me tremendously to take out my condom.

it should only happen if both parties consented, obviously.

 

[Squalo]

soon I will be 30 as a virgin.

 

[Superdeterminist]

yeah i feel super flattered when a guy prioritizes his own sexual pleasure over my personal safety & health

They are useful/necessary to mitigate STD/pregnancy risks, yes. But that doesn't mean we can't also complain about their pitfalls

 

[Antigonish]

Wait...could you explain that please? I don't get it

As in sex is cheap. And isn't better than love. Love will last a last time on memories and moments you can't find anywhere else. Sex is common and fleeting. And after an orgasm. You're back to square one.

sorry either I'm oversplaining or undersplaining.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

soon I will be 30 as a virgin.

Me too. It's not so bad. Lately I have this feeling that this world is finished so doing the love/marriage/kids progression is rather pointless. I have siblings who have done that and while I don't know how they truly feel, I personally don't envy them.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

As in sex is cheap. And isn't better than love. Love will last a last time on memories and moments you can't find anywhere else. Sex is common and fleeting. And after an orgasm. You're back to square one.

sorry either I'm oversplaining or undersplaining.

It's true sex is fleeting but love is fleeting too. And when love ends there is a lot of pain associated with that sometimes enough to make CTB.

Me too. It's not so bad. Lately I have this feeling that this world is finished so doing the love/marriage/kids progression is rather pointless. I have siblings who have done that and while I don't know how they truly feel, I personally don't envy them.

I don't envy anyone with kids. Overpopulation is bad

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

They are useful/necessary to mitigate STD/pregnancy risks, yes. But that doesn't mean we can't also complain about their pitfalls

You should use protection unless you're with your wife and want children, in my opinion. I'm old-fashioned so I'm more of a mind to refrain entirely unless there's love involved. Otherwise, skin-to-membrane contact doesn't seem worth the risks.

I don't envy anyone with kids. Overpopulation is bad

Overpopulation is the world's problem. Don't deny yourself something you want to save humanity. Let those who have too many kids solve the balancing problem, if they wish.

 

[Whale_bones]

If I went to a prostitute every time I needed sex I would go bankrupt and homeless in less than 1 month, and stay that way for the rest of my life. I would have sex a few times the first week of every month, then sleep rough and ask for food outside of supermarkets the rest of it. Your argument assumes you have money, which many here don't have (or finding cheap sex services I suppose, I have never seen those here). My blood boils at how stupid that solution really is.

Back when I was homeless, I had to eat the cheapest things available and I slept on a broken car, and even then I didn't even have enough money to drink sodas. Unless you have some big plan to make us earn enough money to live decently and be able to afford prostitutes on the regular, it's like telling homeless people to go 'buy what they need and the problem is fixed'.

People, let's be realistic when giving advice.

You seem to have skipped the part where I specifically said that if sex is the most important thing in someone's life, it only makes sense they would spend money on that *before* recreational activities like games, eating at restaurants, etc. I made sure to point that out, because if someone has no money and isn't spending money on any recreational activities in the first place, this obviously doesn't apply to them. I've stated over and over that the common premise I'm referring to is when people say that sex IS the number one, most important goal in their life, the thing they want above anything else. When I was homeless I never heard any of my homeless friends claim this, our number one priorities were always daily needs of survival like food, warmth and where to sleep.

It's absolutely ridiculous to equate unlimited, on-demand sex with basic human needs like food and shelter. Your scenario of seeing a sex worker however many times you want every month is not in any way comparable to basic survival needs. A person CAN get unlimited, on-demand sex, but it's absolutely not a right that is just given to them. Exactly the same as they'd pay for a game, a meal at a restaraunt, a concert, a trip, or literally any other recreational activity, this exists as a service that someone can pay for and get. None of those other things are free, and people don't expect them to be. It's all activities or services that fulfill a desire for a certain type of pleasure. Again, this clearly doesn't apply to someone in situations such as homelessness where attaining pleasure is very unlikely to be the number one goal.

 

[AMorteVivente]

You seem to have skipped the part where I specifically said that if sex is the most important thing in someone's life, it only makes sense they would spend money on that *before* recreational activities like games, eating at restaurants, etc. I made sure to point that out, because if someone has no money and isn't spending money on any recreational activities in the first place, this obviously doesn't apply to them. I've stated over and over that the common premise I'm referring to is when people say that sex IS the number one, most important goal in their life, the thing they want above anything else. When I was homeless I never heard any of my homeless friends claim this, our number one priorities were always daily needs of survival like food, warmth and where to sleep.

It's absolutely ridiculous to equate unlimited, on-demand sex with basic human needs like food and shelter. Your scenario of seeing a sex worker however many times you want every month is not in any way comparable to basic survival needs. A person CAN get unlimited, on-demand sex, but it's absolutely not a right that is just given to them. Exactly the same as they'd pay for a game, a meal at a restaraunt, a concert, a trip, or literally any other recreational activity, this exists as a service that someone can pay for and get. None of those other things are free, and people don't expect them to be. It's all activities or services that fulfill a desire for a certain type of pleasure. Again, this clearly doesn't apply to someone in situations such as homelessness where attaining pleasure is very unlikely to be the number one goal.

I am not sure if 'unlimited, on-demand sex' could be considered a basic human need as I have sexual anhedonia alongside other types of anhedonia and I am barely able enjoy it. You simply get used to this even if it's depressing, just like with other things in your life. I wonder if I wouldn't want to kill myself if I didn't have anhendonia... I will never know. Also, the goverment in my country is actively trying to make prostitution illegal, so having money to spend wouldn't matter either.

And yes, even if you have little money you still can spend a small amount of it on recreational activities as a homeless person. I had a gaming laptop the whole time and I played with it on public libraries (free electricity) to attempt to make the whole ordeal less depressive, and it did make my life better. The laptop costs money, but it's a one time thing and it stays with you as long as it doesn't break, so it's not the same thing at all.

Honestly, I don't really think people would had enough money to do what you suggested even if they weren't poor, specially on SS where most people struggle financially. Your solution is not very realistic, that's what I am saying.