bl33ding_heart
Borderline
- Jun 24, 2025
- 774
Because of my bpd I get extremely attached and emotionally dependent to a person, and they become the focal point of my existence. Because of this my life will always belong to another person before it belongs to me. Each time it usually lasts around a year before I'm able to become numb and lose feelings. And each time it's excruciatingly painful and draining. This horrible phenomenon has taken over my life since I was as young as 11 years old. When I was a lot younger it wasn't as bad. But as I grew up over the years and the symptoms of my bpd started more vigorously manifesting. It got worse and worse to the point it felt like I would die without my specific person. At times I can love the feeling of being in love. It can feel incredibly euphoric and fulfilling. But most of the time for me it just feels exhilarating. The truth is I can't imagine my life without being extremely attached to someone. I feel like I would be completely emotionally empty and there would be no point for me to even continue living. If I try to imagine my life without these attachments it's impossible for me to imagine it as anything other than very unfulfilling. But living while being like this is just so fucking painful. There really is no good option. My mind is just broken far beyond repair because of this disorder. I just wanna be normal. I wanna be able to live my life without getting so attached and obsessed with people. And be able to be happy and have reasons to live besides unhealthy attachments. I just wanna be able to live for me and not someone else. I want my life to actually be mine. My life will always entirely revolve around my specific person. And I just want more than that for myself.
