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rainbowbright

rainbowbright

Member
Oct 1, 2022
89
I went no contact with my entire narc family & changed my name...

I'm lonely and in pain. I had the urge to reach for a mom but she's not a mom... Just a self absorbed bully.

If you want to stay longer, coffee cup, I'll be happy to see you.
I also had to go NC with all my family - too many flying monkeys on my mum's side lol
 
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Hollowillow

Hollowillow

I want throat hugs & anime! Can't use chat pm me
Aug 7, 2022
1,499
I also had to go NC with all my family - too many flying monkeys on my mum's side lol
narc's flying monkeys are the worst! My own social worker is one, she defends my agressors... I felt so cornered and they refused to let me change. She clearly despise me. My mental health worsen. If she hrlps me get out of my home to overcome agoraphobia, she'll let me get hurt... To be independent... Well, I'm not I'm broken...

So good to see you 🌻
 
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IntoTheLight

IntoTheLight

Member
Oct 11, 2022
46
Along with joy, I've also lost the ability to feel sad or empathy. I know I'm hurting people around me but I can't feel anything. A couple of months ago I basically CTB'd mentally and completely gave up. I tried to stay up as long as possible every night because sleeping just meant that the inevitable collapse that I'm heading towards comes sooner. Once the realization sets in that there's no other way out than to CTB the downward spiral really starts to accelerate. Recklessness takes over because you think it won't matter anyways. Except when you then still don't find a way and the consequences of your actions catch up with you, making everything even worse.
 
nootthenoot

nootthenoot

Your local cat lover
Oct 11, 2022
50
Along with joy, I've also lost the ability to feel sad or empathy. I know I'm hurting people around me but I can't feel anything. A couple of months ago I basically CTB'd mentally and completely gave up. I tried to stay up as long as possible every night because sleeping just meant that the inevitable collapse that I'm heading towards comes sooner. Once the realization sets in that there's no other way out than to CTB the downward spiral really starts to accelerate. Recklessness takes over because you think it won't matter anyways. Except when you then still don't find a way and the consequences of your actions catch up with you, making everything even worse.
This is exactly how I feel now. I just stopped caring, and over time the general sadness just disappeared, leaving a sense of apathy about the world and people around me. Once I realized that nothing can truly help, I started looking at CTB more seriously, and now look at me. On track to CTB by the end of 2022. I've given up on recovery, on happiness, on joy. Nothing will ever help me overcome this depression, and I just don't care. It's nice to see someone who is at the same spot as me.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
7,457
Hi
Napoleon Dynamite Hello GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment
 
niiina

niiina

🌸
Aug 20, 2022
232
Im up to try to catch the bus again but think that I may fail again and that it may destroy my parents lives is making me chicken out and that's horrible cause I need to go!
Been smocking too much lately, it's starting to make me want to vomit but I can't stop with all my anxiety.
Put some pants and went to the supermarket that's literally in from of where I live, got some snacks to eat today cause tomorrow who knows
 
Exact Change

Exact Change

A life of mistakes
Nov 6, 2022
153
I thought this would be an appropriate place to wish everyone a good Thanksgiving. I know the 'holidays' of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's can be a Bermuda Triangle for many of us.

For myself, I am going to try to bury my resentments and personal pain. I'll try to live in the moment and be grateful for what I have. Bless all of us.
 
flypno

flypno

Member
Nov 14, 2021
16
I´m at work and don´t know how to handle the situation.
Last year was the first in three years, i hadn´t spent time in a psychiatric clinic, because i thought i can make it. what an idiot i am.

I´m a shiftleader with no shift. My bosses are scared to give me work, so i every day go to work, for not to work. Roundabout 7 months until now. i feel like shit
 
Heartaches

Heartaches

You tried your best with me, I know
May 6, 2021
144
Came back here after a while, wanted to check in earlier but didn't have the energy to do so. Nice to see everyone again.

Yesterday I had a situation with someone who acted very shitty towards me and it has left me a bit hurt. Doesn't help that I've been depressed as of late while having my ups and downs in my daily life. Trying so things don't get to me but it's hard, reading posts and writing replies here kinda helps my mind distract itself a bit. I feel like I've done something horrible and it's all my fault, even though the situation itself wasn't the most important, horrendous or even my complete fault, but it feels that way.

I have some significant appointments next week, so I'm hoping I can somewhat recover this weekend, but it's hard ngl.​
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,126
i hate how unimportant and unlovable i am to all of my family. all of them are close and talk to each other but no one ever reaches out to me or bothers to form a relationship with me no matter how hard i try. it's like they don't even wanna bother to hold a conversation with me. i feel so worthless and useless. my dad spent the majority of my teen years chasing after some woman, neglecting me entirely. my mom's (who's the only person who truly loved me) is gone, my sister is gone, my brother abandoned me and moved to the midwest and now has a gf and never talks to me. my cousins practically act as if i don't exist. i just wish i wasn't alive so i wouldn't have to burden anyone with my existence cos it's clear that's all i am — just a burden. i just want to feel wanted. i'm so deprived of affection and love it hurts it feels like my heart is breaking any time i think about it. everything would be easier if i was dead and gone.
I'm so sorry…unfortunately I can relate.
But I resent being thought of as a burden by them, they don't realize that their indulged differences and apathy, along with my situation in general, are something only I have to bear…a much more significant burden..too great for them to fathom.
 
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Sulyya

Sulyya

Synergist
Mar 6, 2023
422
I really want to be alone as much as possible. I wish that I wasn't so anxious about the idea of moving somewhere far away, not to mention the cost. If I could self isolate without a bunch of people descending on me to 'help' then I would do that.

It feels like a naive, selfish thing to feel as so many here are lonely and don't have anyone in their irl world to help them, let alone too many. It's just my personality or condition that makes me want none of that.
 
S

ScissorYoda

Member
Mar 19, 2023
23
Happy equinox! Historically this is my favourite day of the year since it marks the start of the 6 months of the year with the most daylight (in the northern hemisphere at least). Today I feel kinda miserable but if there's one day to signify things getting better this is the one.
 
W

whywere

Visionary
Jun 26, 2020
2,397
Happy equinox! Historically this is my favourite day of the year since it marks the start of the 6 months of the year with the most daylight (in the northern hemisphere at least). Today I feel kinda miserable but if there's one day to signify things getting better this is the one.
TOTALLY agree with you, as I have seasonal effective disorder and I also live in the northern hemisphere. I have a huge sunlight lamp that I use during the winter months.

You are a smart and wonderful soul.

Walter
 
H

HeatedBlanket

Member
Mar 23, 2023
11
I'm too exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. I don't even know what I'm doing or typing. I've just been posting so I can maybe open my PMs/DMs. I doubt I'll remember any of these posts tomorrow. Yay memory loss lol.
 
W

whywere

Visionary
Jun 26, 2020
2,397
I'm too exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. I don't even know what I'm doing or typing. I've just been posting so I can maybe open my PMs/DMs. I doubt I'll remember any of these posts tomorrow. Yay memory loss lol.
Howdy!

Reading your thread, I hope that finally I got the terminology down right! That I was struck by how heartfelt you are. You are a very precious soul and I love the aspect of being able to have such great friends as you are here. Makes my days, filled with 24/7 very chronic pain, so much more bearable.

I may be 67, but that will never stop me from appreciating folks like you who are so kind and caring towards others, just so darn nice, thank you!

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, maybe that is one of the reasons that my "parents" always called me 'the mistake."

I truly care about you and want the best for you no matter what.

Have a great weekend filled with beautiful weather and flowers to enjoy!

Walter
 
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