The dark humor thread

[SinisterKid]

A FATHER'S LAST REQUEST
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A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

 

[Superfluous]

 

[SinisterKid]

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was "she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife reply's "perform the f...ing autopsy!"

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps" etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted "they're schools, not shooting ranges".

 

[Superfluous]

 

[Alucard]

 

[chrijo]

 

[Orin]

 

[Alucard]

 

[Orin]

I wish there was a SanctionedSerialKillers site so we can have a meet-up.

 

[MistakesHappen]

I wish there was a SanctionedSerialKillers site so we can have a meet-up.

 

[AutumnEmbers]

I wish there was a SanctionedSerialKillers site so we can have a meet-up.

I genuinely can't stop laughing at this. Thanks for cheering me up. :)

 

[been_there]

Orin said:
I wish there was a SanctionedSerialKillers site so we can have a meet-up.

That wouldn't last long. After one meeting everyone would be like... sorry to have to do this, but its not me, its you.

 

[Kuolema]

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it's sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the very end and make it all worthwhile. Nobody should blame you for walking out early.

 

[Jen0804]

when people say "keep hanging in there!"

 

[Severen]

 

[chrijo]

Spoiler: DON'T CLICK THIS SHIT!

...and now punch yourself :D

 

[Orin]

doctor: So, since when have you been having suicidal thoughts?

patient: 7 years ago.

doctor: in your opinion, what kept you alive all those years?

patient: my desire to see the culmination of a series of intertwined narratives.

doctor: and what is that?

patient: Avengers Endgame.

doctor: but that was last April. What keeps you alive now?

patient: Episode 9.

 

[Severen]

 

[Kuolema]

Spoiler

 

[SelfHatingAspie]

I freaking love Joan Cornella's art. Dank AF.

 

[Severen]

View attachment 12289

I would find this funny if there actually weren't many guys, this dumb in real life.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

Finally get to share these
.

 

[Orin]

 

[Pilum Muralis]

 

[Pilum Muralis]

Humor is my coping mechanism to stress...along with chewing all the skin from my fingers.

 

[eewlife]

I wish there was a SanctionedSerialKillers site so we can have a meet-up.

Eye

 

[kkatt]

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I don't quite have a bingo, but quite a few squares covered..

 

[Numbtopain97]

 

[Mort]

View attachment 9664

Thats how i think about the grim reaper he or she ;) they to help you pass over a guide to the after life:)