Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[BorderlineChellery]

10. If I had the means I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately I'm under suicide watch. I'm biding my time until I can. I know I can't get better, I've lost any friends I had, I feel lost and alone. Existence is pain and I've had enough

 

[terra.nuvo]

7 but i feel like everyday i'm getting closer and closer to 10

 

[RemainingDubious]

Yessss! Absolutely this. I hate not having the control, it makes me feel more desperate to CTB if you know what I mean? If I had access to everything I need, a sense of relief would come over me. I could choose to go at any time. Whilst when I don't have access to these things, my suffering just continues indefinitely basically, until I do. And that's a scary thought. What will be your go to method/s if you don't mind sharing?

i completely understand. It's like the more i keep coming across restrictions the more frustrated i am at the restrictions, and the more i feel trapped with my existence. i imagine i would also be relieved if i had what i needed.

i found accepting my reality and rejecting false hopes, uncertainty and the dreams of a better reality that people would attempt to get me to invent in, brought me some comfort. Until i ran into so many restrictions.

Inert gas sounds amazing. i'm fairly open to other methods. There's no harm in considering different approaches. Surviving suicide attempts is torture. i never want to be in that position again so i'm wanting to use inert gas and sn to makes sure i don't miss the bus.

 

[xmissellax]

i completely understand. It's like the more i keep coming across restrictions the more frustrated i am at the restrictions, and the more i feel trapped with my existence. i imagine i would also be relieved if i had what i needed.

i found accepting my reality and rejecting false hopes, uncertainty and the dreams of a better reality that people would attempt to get me to invent in, brought me some comfort. Until i ran into so many restrictions.

Inert gas sounds amazing. i'm fairly open to other methods. There's no harm in considering different approaches. Surviving suicide attempts is torture. i never want to be in that position again so i'm wanting to use inert gas and sn to makes sure i don't miss the bus.

I completely understand how you feel. I'm so sorry you've been through survival of attempts. I've never attempted before so I'm bat shit scared. Mind if I PM you?

 

[Malaria]

About a 7-8 today, but during the weekend I was about a 9.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I completely understand how you feel. I'm so sorry you've been through survival of attempts. I've never attempted before so I'm bat shit scared. Mind if I PM you?

It's difficult to explain. When you put a plan in motion you do so since you've reached a point where things can't get any worse, or so you believe. When reality hits that you failed, you couldn't even make your own death complete. You reach a whole new level below rock bottom that you never knew existed. It's hard to describe, especially if you and up sectioned and have people guilt trip you. You feel so much worse and feel even more detached since no one around you can relate, they lack understanding and won't even attempt to try to understand and imagine how they would feel in your position. i never want to experience that again so trying my best to not be impulsive so i don't mess up.

i don't mind if you PM me.

 

[Unattainable666]

Already wrote 100 on previous response. I guess nothing changes the days just a t go by

 

[Gossamer]

10. No action to take today, but seriously planning it again. It doesn't seem like a single thing will convince me not to. I must write a few things before then, find ways to tidy my business, get my pet rabbits a good new home and make amends if I can. My ex sent me a letter, after I broke down in anger and drunken lashing out, detailing how dangerous I was, how they were scared of me, and how, blind as I was, I could not see it. I am, as they said, a malignant narcissist, and I see no hope for my future. My end is a service I shall give, to repay all the crimes I've committed that I couldn't understand. I am an alcoholic, I am a lonely, bitter, PTSD-ridden wretch of a man. I will hurt people, over and over, even when I try my hardest. I am disgusting. I have no future as an artist, nor as a writer, nor as a friend, nor as a lover. I am meant to hurt, and hurt again.

 

[bluebird16]

9. Now that the MDS has been taken down, the fact that I'll probably have to go through with drowning in the sea terrifies me.

Thanks a lot BBC.

 

[BlessedBeTheFlame]

10. I just want to put closure on the only thing people cared about me for. I have no other way in life. All I can do is die, because I simply don't deserve to live.

 

[butterball]

4

 

[Polluted Delta]

8

 

[sserafim]

7

 

[Undertow Mermaid]

8 today

I keep wondering if I should talk to somebody about it, but then I might get committed and I don't want that.

 

[scientificmethid]

7.5

 

[recat]

9. Now that the MDS has been taken down, the fact that I'll probably have to go through with drowning in the sea terrifies me.

Thanks a lot BBC.

Same here. But I am not terrified, I am just frustrated. I have enough benzos to eliminate any possible fear anyways..

solid 10 for the last two weeks, I wake up every morning wishing i could not wake up. I wake up in the middle of the night with urges to go to my nearby high speed rail tracks in all black clothing. But it's cold, my will is not notarized or registered yet, and I just don't have the energy to do any of this. Fuck, I wish wills were easier in my country.

 

[Dliena]

It can go from 0 to 10000 pretty rapidly at any time for me but I guess right in the middle 5 for now.

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

6

 

[druggedonsurvival]

Strong 8. I guess I have some foolish hope still holding me back.

 

[ketkrg]

probably 7 maybe. i wouldnt mind ctb tonight or tomorrow night,, i guess im just waiting for the right time lul

 

[Evolution9]

9,5 im just ready to go.If there is something after death i want a fresh start,if there is nothing i just want peace

 

[Amnesiac_88]

It's usually a 7, on very bad days it can get to a 9

 

[juna]

For me, it depends on my thoughts on that day. I am always at least a 6. Today, I am an 8. On days when I am 10, if I had a gun, I would shoot myself without thinking. I have held a knife to kill myself many times but logic kicks in and I realized I won't die and I have no interest in self harm.

 

[henry22]

8. I have what I want to overdose on and I'm on the verge.

 

[migimortis]

Keep fantasizing about blowing my brains out like Shuaiby or Ronnie McNutt. But I don't have a shotgun. Yet. 7.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

5

 

[sweetgirl666]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

a 6 almost 7 I met someone, maybe all this attachment will end in disappointment and take me straight to 10. My main reason today is alcoholism

 

[waitingforme]

Right at this moment it's a 6-7, but the day is still going.

 

[Shar]

3 im pretty chill lately

 

[SmallKoy]

9 tonight.