Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[noname223]

6. Extreme high anxiety. Had the longest (intense) argument I ever had on SS. Privately extreme pressure. Took a half lorazepame this evening. Consider to take the other half too. My heater makes very loud noises. I want to sleep fuck damn it. It just won't stop. Everything goes wrong. Just fuck all of this.
So much shit is happening right now. It makes me so mad. This is not the right time for that...Fuck

 

[Ringo]

9, suddenly my window sill looks very inviting.

 

[Squiddy]

Still an 8. Upset because my younger siblings are treating me like crap like usual. My 12 year old brother called me a fat pig and my 8 year old sister keeps telling me to shut up and laughing at my brother calling me names. I can't wait to leave my toxic family whether it be moving out or ctb

 

[lobster salad]

8, I keep looking at the curtain railing and wonder if it will take the weight of me on a rope. I'm quite hungover from getting blackout drunk and being sent to the hospital yesterday and now my belly and head is aching.

 

[wrybuzzard]

6, last week it was a 9 but putting a plan together that I know I can use when needed has allowed it to back off a little.

 

[Bedrock48]

7/10 today, feels like the two halves of me are trying to tear me apart, the one that wants to recover and the one that doesn't.

Going through another phase of anxiety about ctb/death in general. I wanna be back to being chill/happy about suicide/dying.

 

[wornoutfish]

6

 

[rudebeat]

8.5 (last time I posted like a week ago I was at an 8). I assumed as my ctb date got closer and closer I would only become more and more nervous about it. I was feeling that way a few days ago a bit but now I'm just getting impatient and frustrated that it's not closer.

 

[Sea Turtle]

8. I would be totally indifferent if someone were to put a gun to my head right now, but instead I'm here planning my own ctb since no one would do that.

 

[Spitfire]

6.9 at the moment is where I have found myself again.. lately this has been on the rise for me with my current situation.

Kinda sucks! To be honest...

 

[StarryStarry]

9 1/2 :(

 

[woknows]

9

 

[edu0z]

today is 14/2... so 11

 

[Agabell]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

10. The only thing that gives me pleasure anymore is thinking about my death

 

[S like suicide]

10 thinking about me dead makes me feel happy

 

[12345678]

It increased to 6. I am overthinking my life extremely hard. I despise me. I feel ashamed. I am a fucking idiot.
I am currently in a very bad place. This is not good. Took half a lorazepam. Noone answers my thread where I describe how I am feeling.
I feel so ashamed...
My thoughts are racing...this is really hard to endure. But I think the lorazepam begins to work.

You can always put your thoughts here, I will try to respond as much as I can
I would say I am at 5-6, I have been at 9-10 too. Attempted jumping. Reached the roof. But failed at that too. Never able to draw the courage to finally jump. But death is my biggest wish in life. Yes I have been at 2-3 also. I miss the days when I was 0. Suicide was never an option for me no matter the situation and today I am here. I don't know why this happened with me :-(

 

[12345678]

I would say I am at 5-6, I have been at 9-10 too. Attempted jumping. Reached the roof. But failed at that too. Never able to draw the courage to finally jump. But death is my biggest wish in life. Yes I have been at 2-3 also. I miss the days when I was 0. Suicide was never an option for me no matter the situation and today I am here. I don't know why this happened with me :-(

 

[noname223]

I am really really tired. Like a 7. Though it not really the suicidal thoughts that are so bad. I have and had extreme anxiety. Yesterday I took a lorazepam. I am taking zopiclon for too long. I feel mentally so fucked. The stress is killing me. I have so many different problems. I barely can cope with it. I think this will go on for a short period of time. I am so scared to get a new psychosis or mania. I really think these addictive emergency medication is the only thing which prevents a new epsiode.
Had a huge argument with my mom. Too many appoinments. I cannot handle this shit any longer. And this simply won't stop.
When the worstcase happens I need to ctb soon. The other problem might that I am soon an addict. I really hate to say that but it is better to be an addict than to get a new psychosis. My psychiatrist thinks the low dosage that I am currently taking would not that be dangerous. I have heard many experts disagree with her about that.

 

[OldDrummer]

"This one goes to 11"

 

[ocdthoughts]

About a 3 for today but it varies really.

 

[Euthanizeme]

10/10. everyday throughout the day for 3 years.

 

[allesistgut]

only at like a 2/3 right now. i still know i will eventually ctb, but feeling like i can hold on for now.

 

[Leiden]

10.....but so, so much more than a 10.

 

[hopelessgirl]

6

 

[noname223]

5,5. Really really tired and exhausted. Not so much by my suicidality but my anxiety and stress are killing me. I hate to have responsibilities. I am too fragile and vulnerable for that. Emergency medication helps but I try to take less this night...

 

[Squiddy]

6.5. I might be getting answers soon as to why my memory and attention is so bad. Depending on what the answer is and if it's treatable will determine if I might ctb or not

 

[olkf]

10

 

[Treeline589]

10

 

[noname223]

6,5 Extremely exhausted. But the stress does not stop. Taking every day addictive sleeping medication. I tried to sleep without it yesterday. It did not work. Maybe I should take some benzos again. I will probably do that soon but not sure when I will start with it. I have the feeling my brain is in an emergency situation. And these are my emergency medication.
So scared to turn manic or psychotic. I feel so fucked. The stress triggers a lot of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts.

 

[Oblivion]

9