Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[CatTheBus5689]

6

I got back into the motions but I still think about it.

 

[Musketeer]

depends
on good days 1-2 (very few and far between)
on average days 6-7
when it spikes 11
and the spikes get worse and worse and they become more common.

 

[WonderingSoul]

Right now it's 9, but usually it's 7.

 

[Murasa]

8, I managed to chill a bit but after receiving some news I could just lie down and look at the ceiling

 

[PigeonDreamzz]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

10. Will ctb next week hopefully. But certain in 2 weeks. Something needs to be finished before I go. Could be already next week. I just tied the slipknot. I live in a dorm unfortunately so I can't use the door for hanging. I will go to the bathroom for it, there is a spot. It will be partial and I was already practicing. My neck is very thin, although I couldn't get myself pass out within the so called 5 seconds. But I get dizzy.

 

[wrybuzzard]

8.5 putting in final prep to ctb on the 28th

 

[Squalo]

8, life is not for me.

 

[Death is beautiful]

8

 

[doli_o]

Maybe an 8 today - had a few days of distraction/not feeling so intensely, but weekends are always difficult to handle.

 

[Squiddy]

8, I hope I pass away in my sleep tonight, but I probably won't be so lucky ☹

 

[TheBigGuiltHaver]

I actually think about this a bit, I tend to drift around 8-9.5 on any given day (I consider 10 to be me seriously considering giving up planning and doing it ASAP). At the moment, I'd say it's a bit of a relaxed 8, being on SS is shockingly good for keeping me calm and (relatively) okay feeling.

 

[noname223]

6-7
Feeling very very empty, exhausted and tired. The more I try to fix my problems the more I feel like a loser. I make very small steps of improving and my parents/therapist act like I could now fix all my problems. They are so fucking naive. Not sure when I have to burst their bubble with some facts and logic. Someone I like accidently said something very hurtful to me. I am still thinking about it a lot. It was absolutely not intentional he did not know about it. But it pretty much showed that this tiny hope I have is just worthless. I am only deceiving myself to get through the day. I am so exhausted, barely have any energy anymore. I try to hard to recover/or rarther solving my problems. I have the feeling it will be all for nothing. Respectively I am pretty sure about that. I worry so much. I hate myself so much. Sometimes I really despise myself for minor incidents.
I don't belong to other people. I feel so abandoned. When I am around normies I have the feeling I belong to another species.

I will make a thread about it. I should not spam this thread with it.

 

[empty sighs]

You know it's actually not that bad today. I mean the average is pretty bad, but four. I think yesterday was a solid obsessive six so maybe my brain is giving me a break.

 

[Treeline589]

11

 

[LivingHellonearth]

10/10 I can't take it no more

 

[LionsTigersAndBears]

8 and the good news is everyday death seem less scary, and I can even enjoy listening to music again that's the only thing I'm going to miss. To all people that were kind to me thanks and to everyone else I still wish you all the best.

 

[Murasa]

7, I am too tired and stressed to even see the edge of the window.

 

[Circles]

7-9, I can't decide. So much bad is happening. Nothing good ever happens to me. :(

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

10 hopeless

 

[StarryStarry]

8.5 - keep thinking it would be so much easier to ctb than to pack up, wait for the people to take all my belongings (thrift store), get in the car and drive 1500 miles. So much easier. But then I see her little eyes staring at me; her soft furry coat and her purring. She needs me. I need her. My time will come. I love her too much to leave her behind. So, I'll keep going - not by choice.

 

[noname223]

4. Feeling better. Though I soon change my medication. I have a lot of nasty side effects. The last time I was really really suicidal after stopping to take it. It was extreme pain. Yeah you will probably read from me in the next days and weeks. I have informed my therapists. They agreed to it. I did not openly say how suicidal it made me the last time. Only that I really felt bad.

 

[S like Siren]

1000 i feel so alone,so helpless

 

[Sunset Limited]

7

 

[Squiddy]

8. I got back my full neuropsych results yesterday and it sucked to see how many deficits I had in my memory and other areas of cognition. I didn't get any advice on my articulation issues so that sucked. I completely dissociated during my therapist appointment so I only got maybe 5% of what we talked about. Idk how I'm going to get a job and move out with these deficits. I might start writing my notes tonight just in case I do decide to go

 

[Murasa]

9, all this stress is not worth it at all, unfortunately I don't have a good rope to run my emergency method.

 

[ftbc]

10 literally starving myself to death

 

[VoidDesirer22]

We are reaching an average of 8 over here. I must have a self-destruct chip planted in my brain. I tried to get better, but I can't keep getting back on that horse with every failure. No one tells you that sometimes after too many failures you carry too much to keep going.

I'll just disappear. Already written a note.

 

[olkf]

7. Does anyone have a visual?

 

[darkghost]

10

 

[painofzed]

Mine jumps between a 6 and a 10 lately. Right now it's about at a 7.