Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[justtiredofit]

10

 

[orange]

3. SN recently arrived, desperately want to stop existing but at the same time not motivated enough to even blood test it. Simultaneously planning on buying antacids (turns out mines don't work for this method) and trying again to get a therapist (will have to try outside my town, because the ones in mine won't pick up the phone or answer e-mails). Terrified of the possibility of failure.

 

[Squiddy]

7.5. Tried to talk about my cognition issues to my doctor on an online portal and the staff left me on read not once, but twice idk why I even tried. Oh well. Maybe I'll get answers from my psychologist tomorrow on why it's so bad. I'm just tired of fighting

 

[astroworld]

7-8, whenever I have free time from work or other activities I'm constantly thinking about it

 

[Sweet Chainsaw]

10

 

[cxz43]

8-9.

 

[gr1lledcheese]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

Good question. I think I'm around a 7 right now. I have a job interview tomorrow, and if I don't get it, I'm going to start planning to ctb again. The job is in the same line of work as before, but not the position I hoped for. They're going to interview for a position I know I'm not good at, and I'll either flub the interview, or do okay enough to get the job, and if I get it I'm so worried I'll just screw it up and get fired.
At this point I'm planning on ctb in early March.

 

[olkf]

10. I'm just waiting for days to end so I can finally ctb

 

[genericuser]

6. I'm not entirely sure at the moment but I feel like I have no other option. Life is tiring and hopeless. I just want to give up.

 

[ready to go....]

Right now, about a 9. I'm just waiting for the right time, hopefully it won't be too much longer.

 

[us_1999]

8
Each time when my active suicidal thoughts come and stay for days I prepare one item for the SN gear. I've already have SN, and bought my meto yesterday. I felt a sense relieve after buying. I've been thinking about places to end, whether I should leave a note for friends or simply go away, and do I really have anything to tell them in that occasion, etc. I know I don't "want" to die, but I have nothing else to want without feeling desperately impossible, irretrievable. I'm tired and can't bear this feeling for much longer.
I'm waiting for a "10" moment when I would be certain about CTB. Now I just can't make up my mind to go any side.
Pardon my English.

 

[Ada]

I almost did it last night. Couldn't wait for anything to arrive in the mail, so I mounted a hook in the roof, and hung up a rope, but then my phone called, and I had to take it to not wake suspicion, and then I felt like I just wanted to go to sleep. Fuck, I should have done it, maybe tonight.

9/10

 

[Graytaichi]

Im 8

 

[Squiddy]

7.5. I was supposed to get my neuropsych results today from my psychologist, but it got postponed until tomorrow. I'm tired of being left in the dark about my cognition issues. I really want to SN, but I guess I'll wait. My brain fog is also kind of bad today so that sucks too. The only thing that clears it up a little is energy drinks

 

[noname223]

6,5. Very high anxiety. So hard I get suicidal. Cannot cope with this extreme pressure. Really exhausted. Yesterday I could sleep without addictive medication. But the sleeping quality was worse. I will take it today once again.

 

[Treeline589]

10

 

[Aurora Vanderlux]

7

 

[noname223]

6,5. Very tired. Cannot cope anymore. My therapists say take addictive medication you are doing this very well. I don't want to give more details. But I am undergoing a very difficult time. It is like torture. But tbh there was worse torture in the past. My life is always just always the decision about this or that torture. There is simply no option which is painfree.

 

[asmah]

8 right now

 

[Crazy4u]

9. I am so triggered. Many flashbacks since last night

 

[Aurora Vanderlux]

10

 

[Squiddy]

8. I got some of my neuropsych results back. They were ok, though I'm not sure I can be helped at this point. My cognition just sucks really bad and I hate living with it. I'm tired of fighting. I haven't decided if I will ctb yet, but I might start working on my notes just in case. I know it'll upset my mom because she wants me to live to "take care of my siblings" just in case something happens to her, but I don't think I can do it. She can call me a coward or failure I don't care

 

[Ratcycling]

4. Right now they're mostly passive thoughts. I worry about when they're going to become active ones again.

 

[gayscal3xo]

probably like a 9 but they like to jump around during the day

 

[Of The Universe]

10

Me too!

 

[rudebeat]

I honestly have no idea. I have 3 days left to go and I still don't really feel scared, I also don't really feel a desire to do it right now if you know what I mean. It's a worrying mindset to be in because yes I feel like dying in a few days but in my past experiences whenever 3 days pass I still feel like waiting a few more days to ctb. However the 21st is probably going to be a really soul crushing experience, I think it sounds bad now but I'm sure experiencing it will feel much worse. I wish I didn't have to fast for 8 hours and wait until the middle of the night with sn, it'd be so much easier if I could just kill myself impulsively like people do with a gun. Instead I'm going to have to lose some of my momentum on my will to ctb from what happens on the 21st that I'm worried about.

 

[som1]

9 at the moment but I need it to be 10 when my sn arrives. I don't have much time left I need to ctb within a month. I hope I can reach 10 to get over SI.

 

[headwood]

9.5. Suicidal ideations every single day spanning throughout my waking hours. Life is misery and suffering inside of chronic illness, and it makes no logical sense to stay alive inside of my diseased body and brain and traumatised soul. I have N, but as of yet I'm still too weak and scared to follow through, my SI is too intact to conquer, and I haven't yet found acceptance with the inevitable grief and trauma that my mother would endure upon my death.

 

[Hurt]

10 !!!!!!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE

 

[HabitualRain86]

8. I've been inspired by seeing the imitation of the Buddhist monk in 1963 and, having always been terrified by such a method, he faced his end with such calmness that it's made me think differently. In reality, I'm likely going for the "smokee from BBQ in the car" method.