Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[noname223]

5. Did not take the old medication. More or less accidentally. My psychiatrist would say way too fast. Tomorrow I will take it again. I don't recognize any difference for now. Neither a changement in the positive effects nor in the side effects. I think it will backfire. The last time I stopped taking it I experience a trip to hell. Kind of scared. I will further report.

 

[Squiddy]

8.5. I'm getting so tired of my family and living. From my nosy family opening up my mail to my articulation/cognition issues, I'm sick of it. I also feel like I'll never get a job because of my issues which means I'm stuck in my family's house. If that's the case, I don't see a point in living for much longer

 

[Graytaichi]

Yesterday was 5 today was 7

 

[S like suicide]

10 just the thought of my death makes me happy

 

[Of The Universe]

10!

 

[noname223]

7. I just realized I might have made a HUGE HUGE mistake in the past if this is true I cannot cope with that....it is for the moment only hypothetical but I am shaking and my heart beats extremely loud...FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sometimes I am in such states.
I can't sleep anymore. I just checked whether it really was a mistake and yes it was one. When they count it as a mistake I am done...I am extremely scared...please, please no...FUCK...I am feeling ill. Why have I done that. I did not read that fully. This is the reason why. Why am I only that stupid. It is likely that I will find out about it very soon. Probably still in this week. I could puke...
FUCK FUCK FUCK. I can't believe it.

Maybe it is just another time I am extremely overthinking things. Sometimes this happens. I hope so much this applies to also this time. But I read it it is a mistake. If they are strict they have to count it as a mistake.

My anxiety goes through any roof. I am paralyzed. I just wish I would know the truth. Am I just overthinking? This mistake could ruin everything I have worked for the last months. An0 it was just an extreme stupid mistake. I can't believe it. The mistake was made by my EXTREME OVERTHINKING.
And guess what now I am OVERTHINKING again.
However it really was a mistake. I checked it.

If this counts as a mistake...NOTHING can comfort me....I can't believe it...I hate this... I HATE ME. How can you be that stupid?

I told my mom about it.. I had an excuse why I have made this fault. She said this is no valid excuse. I did not follow the rules.
Can ANYONE do a better job at comforting me than my mom?

I try it for myself. I don't know the results for now. Maybe they don't count it as fault. Though the impact when this counts as fault is quite huge.
I DON'T KNOW IT FOR NOW. This isn't the first time I am going fully nuts for something that is not proved for now. It is only hypothetical for now...there is still hope...I can't believe I have done that...I can still despise myself for a long time when the results are in. It is so weird that I only recognized this fault now. It is really weird a lot of time has passed since.

 

[noname223]

Okay I will give the second report. I will give the day a 5. The morning was horrendous. As some might have read in my other threats I had extreme anxiety, panic etc. due to overthinking. I was so scared. The day was like a rollercoaster.
I am feeling now way better. But this all wasted a lot of my energy. It was probably false alarm. It was a good decision to take the benzo and trying to contact the responsible person. Both actions really helped. Otherwise I would be stll in this horrible mental state.

 

[Kristicide]

8

 

[Britvik]

Only a 2 these days, fortunately. In spite of constant pain/discomfort from a herniated disc. I always feel like I should make the most of these positive episodes.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

8. Dead inside.

 

[bad luck]

10

 

[Treeline589]

10

 

[Squiddy]

5.5. Lowest it's been in a few days. I got prescribed a stimulant for my ADHD finally after 7 months of asking for one. I took the dose today and while it hasn't really helped my focus, I do feel it's slowed me down a little and I feel a bit more hopeful about life. Idk, could be false hope, but I hope not

 

[Mors927]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

6.5 on a "good day", 7.5-8 on a normal day, and 8.5-10 on the worst days. As of currently, my suicidal thoughts are a 9.5.

 

[fieldofash]

10

 

[Sea Turtle]

9. I think I will go in a week or two.

 

[Treeline589]

9.5

 

[Of The Universe]

9

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

10 I don't know why the heck I am delaying it

 

[Numbtopain97]

10

 

[orange]

4. Ironically since I got my sn and the reality of it sinked in, I fantasize about suicide way less. I have this fear that I have a stroke but don't die and am left there laying conscious and aware but unable to move for days until I'm found (If I'm found, and I'm not sure which is worse)

 

[Minttt]

9.99999 I still have 0.00004684784 hope life will work out.

 

[S like suicide]

10 i feel my head is exploding

 

[allesistgut]

8

 

[Squalo]

8, I hope to leave this world by the end of the year.

 

[t0rmented]

9
i have no hope for anything anymore

 

[Of The Universe]

10

 

[Gray Wounds]

5
Rainy days make me feel comfy and well.

 

[SpaceCadet]

10
Have nothing to lose anymore, suicide seems like my fate

 

[Al_stargate]

9
I would rate 10 as jumping from a building suicidal, I am not there, but I'm in a great deal of mental pain and don't think I'll last much longer.