Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[allesistgut]

9

 

[issei123]

5

 

[Hercules]

I am at an 10. I have these thoughts all day long from the moment I get up until the moment I go to bed. I don't even know how I manage to get through the day.

 

[thedaywillcome]

10 I wantto leave but SI is torturing me for years.

 

[Foresight]

7

 

[noname223]

7

Why so high today @Hindsightis2020 ?

My day was weird. Suicidality like 5. I recognized more manic symptoms especially in the afternoon. Before I go to sleep I need to calm down this is one reason why I visit this forum regularly.

But there were also more depressive symptoms. I did not sleep well. Today I take again addictive sleeping medication I hope it will help. Today I was surrounded by some neurotypicals. I saw in their faces and I had so often the question in my mind why am I still alive. Why am I not dead already? Why haven't I kill myself? Why shouldn't I kill myself?

Not sure why these thoughts were triggered this much in this situation. Maybe because I am really sick to pretend I was healthy. I am sick to hide my suicidality and in this society it is stigmatized to show suicidality. I am sick of fighting. I am sick of making barely any progress despite the fact I dedicate all my energy just for this one goal. I am pressuring myself on an insane level. I am even pressuring myself a lot to relax. I am so sick of all this. This is all so insane...

 

[Hans Voralberg]

10 i am ready and peacefull about it. Last month it was eleven due to emotional pain now it is just plain 10

 

[charlotte greentea]

I'm at a 7. Today has gone completely wrong and I feel trapped like I always do. I want to drink myself to death and it's only halfway through the work day

 

[Foresight]

@noname223 I completely relate to your feelings after being around neurotypicals. Just remember they probably have things going on inside that would surprise you.

My anxiety was high this morning. I'm trying to break some bad habits that are holding me back but help me stay happy.

 

[charlotte greentea]

Solid 6 today

 

[ikkii]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

6-8 everyday i wake up the first thought the comes to my mind is to CTB. its been a few months nothing gets better. it got worst when my dad died.

 

[TheLostCause]

Right now 9-10, sat in hospital on a drip after a failed attempt with no support for when i get out. Couldnt really be in a worse position right now.

 

[charlotte greentea]

Solid 6 today

Upgrading to an 8

 

[bloomingdark]

9

 

[lostmylove]

10. Incandescent with rage. Thought about jumping infront of a train today. If I had N right now I'd totally drink it.
Got 42 days left on this planet

 

[Treeline589]

10

 

[Lullaby]

8 tonight. Back to business as usual.

 

[solisoccasus]

Today's an 8.5

 

[charlotte greentea]

6 today, I think.

 

[Hurt]

Tonight is a 10. I cant believe I am not killing myself instead of posting here. Wish this was my last day on Earth. I am so sorry for everyone struggling.

 

[Élégie]

Somewhere between 6-7.

 

[Lullaby]

10.

 

[Bedrock48]

9.5, standing at the edge of a metaphorical cliff

 

[charlotte greentea]

5, doing a lot better than I thought I would be

 

[Kismet]

5, doing a lot better than I thought I would be

Anything particular reason? I was about a 9 or 10 yesterday and today I feel like 5 or 6 but not sure exactly why

 

[SparkleWater]

9 i feel like a burden and i fucked up my life

 

[xo777]

9

 

[whitefeather]

10

 

[outrider567]

9 each day for last three months, since my longtime girlfriend suddenly died---But it took a long time todecide which way to do it, so I just got all the equipment about 2 weeks ago---practiced with closed Nitrogen plastic bag(After just 5 breaths my Oxygen number Plunged from 99 to 54!---But my brother just called, he resides a thousand miles away, he has stage 4 lung cancer(50 years of smoking cigarettes)so with this horrible news,I feel I can't kill myself just yet because he needs my support, tho he has 3 kids and 4 grandkids--Our parents are dead--So I guess I'm at 8 now--He does reside with his ex-wife in their 3000 sq ft house,she's a bitch but is shocked at the news and will also support him--

5
Rainy days make me feel comfy and well.

Only time I feel better is when its raining outside or when I'm eating Haagen Daas Strawberry Ice Cream(the small 800 calorie one)---But I keep my 6' frame at a slim172 lbs, so I can only eat it now and then

 

[charlotte greentea]

Anything particular reason? I was about a 9 or 10 yesterday and today I feel like 5 or 6 but not sure exactly why

Not any particular reason

I'm at a 3 right now. Mostly because it's the weekend