Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[burglarlydante]

1/100
I'm losing my mind

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

2. Recently I've started feeling much better

 

[noname223]

Low suicidalitity like 3. But really a lot of manic symptoms. I am really really worried. I had a lot to do today and the result is a lot of manic symptoms. I will increase another medication of mine because it just gets too extreme. I am really concerned and anxious. I hate to increase the amount of the medication but I see no other possibility. Other people gave me the feedback they perceive me as quite manic....
Maybe this is the reason why I make so many threads recently. I have so many ideas in my mind and I could talk without a break.
This forum often helps to decrease my mania but due to the fact I changed my medication this seems not to be enough...I am scared another manic episode could kill me.

 

[noname223]

3. Again low suicidality but really quite manic. Nothing helps. I increased my anti-manic medication and it seems that it does not work. Nothing works. Maybe I have to increase it even further. I am really scared maybe I am beyond the point of no return and another manic epsiode is inevitable. This would be the absolute worst case scenario. Why can't something work against it. My sleeping rhthym is so fucked. I am so desperate. Maybe I just fucked up the last remaining hope in my life. But I just hated the side effect of my old medication...
When I ctb I had the wish that I don't need to blame myself...yeah if I have soon another psychotic epsisode I really have to blame myself. Just fuck it. ;(

 

[Treeline589]

10

 

[noname223]

4. I am a little bit less manic I think. I am really sad I have just learned that soon I won't have any further appoinments with my therapist. They always helped me to stay somewhat stable/motivated. I am scared what will happen when I will lose this support...not sure If I will stable without his help.

 

[thedaywillcome]

Very bad 8.5

 

[Britvik]

Been a while since I answered (with a 2), so time for an update.
Currently, 1.
There's no zero, right?

 

[Treeline589]

10

 

[AreWeWinning]

7 – I'm like I'd definitely rather die than live if it was an easy choice, but it's hard to ctb, and I'm not quite ready to put in the mental effort to do it right now.

I used to be 8-9 a couple of months ago, where I felt I might actually do it. It was scary.

 

[UnravelingWinter]

8. Earlier today I was at a 10, but I'm trying to be patient for N to arrive.

 

[thedaywillcome]

8

 

[lostmylove]

4 when I woke up, started having delusions hour later back up to 8-9 where I've been last few days. I'm very sick mentally

 

[symphony]

10. It's taking every ounce of my being not to hang myself tonight. I was gathering up some trash and I put the trashbag over my head for a bit just to see what it was like and flirt with death.

 

[UnravelingWinter]

10. It's taking every ounce of my being not to hang myself tonight. I was gathering up some trash and I put the trashbag over my head for a bit just to see what it was like and flirt with death.

It's such an awful feeling. I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

 

[MegaGordo]

Currently, about 6. But when my anger and anxiety about lack of income and dwindling savings is front and center, I soar to abt nine. Ten is tough, but I am approaching accepting that I am almost fated to be unlucky and be cursed with malevolent sociopaths around me. It's uncanny how those demonic archetypes follow and manifest regardless of distance and number of different people. It's just something completely out of Night Gallery or Stephen King. God, if it exists, is a goddamn psycho sadist. I'll be drinking my eggnog as a chaser to N, thanks.

 

[noname223]

4. I had to increase my anti-manic medication because I went off another medication. Yeah I get very similar side effects from it. Admittedly they are less but still annyoing as fuck. Now I try to decrease the medication which I recently had to increase. My sleeping rhythm worries me a lot. It is really weird and kind of dangerous...can't really say how manic I am. I try to isolate me in order to try sensory deprivation. Sometimes this helps.

Why can't live be easy? I worry so much every single day. I have so many sorrows. Only the priorities change from day to day.

My teeth hurt a little bit and I have learned today that my medication can increase tooth decay. But I just need my medication to be somewhat stable. Fuck this.

 

[charlotte greentea]

5. I haven't posted in a few months but things have started to decline again

 

[DarkNearDeath]

It's been 8 all day, constantly thinking of ways to die. Walking blind into incoming traffic, going to the highest floor of the campus to jump off to....

 

[Salvation_]

9

Could do it today it if I wasn't loyal to my date

 

[SubZero]

9 and about to be 10 where 10 is when I actually ctb.

 

[rabbitlinnt10]

9

 

[charlotte greentea]

5, planning on being drunk all weekend so I don't go above that

 

[Treeline589]

9

 

[headspin]

10 right now. I want my suffering yo end. There are so many layers to it. I have been at a 10 for months.

 

[y0dha]

8

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

9-10. I am running out of reasons on how to bring it lower than this.

 

[thedaywillcome]

8.5

 

[Lullaby]

9. Genuinely don't know why I bother anymore…everyday is the same bs, this is a nightmare.

 

[Circles]

For fucking once in a while I'd say a 4-5 but my anxiety is making it feel worse so.