Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Hurt]

10 again. Wanna ctb right now

 

[S like Siren]

10 -.- i'm so angry because my body is so resistant while 14 yrs old teens are able to do it so easily...i'm so f tired i would like to punch myself all day for the anger

 

[Ready2GoNow2022]

I am a 7 today. What has really gotten me down lately is the first thing I think to myself when I wake up is "FUCK, here comes another day of agony".

 

[Foresight]

1. I'm all or nothing and I'm here so It's 1.

@noname223 I hope you're taking it easy today. You're taking the right steps to try to take care of yourself .

 

[noname223]

1. I'm all or nothing and I'm here so It's 1.

@noname223 I hope you're taking it easy today. You're taking the right steps to try to take care of yourself .

I am at 5. I have just got a very very bad news for my recovery. I am not sure why I am on the scale only at 5. This news is quite horrific for my future. I think deep inside myself I always had very strong doubts whether there was really hope for me. I will sum it up but I won't go into details because I am kind of scared about my privacy.

My time at college has given me somewhat of hope. It was only a little bit but I clinged to it. It was the only thing I had. Due to some circumstances I need to change the college. It is very likely that at the college where I am now I will never have the possibilty to graduate.
I have made some research and I found out today that at my new college there is no way to take into account my old exams/performances. I probably have to start from scratch. My heart is broken. It was so extremely hard to fight. I struggled so much and everything was for nothing. I always had the feeling that all my fighting is more or less for nothing. But I really wanted to fight. And now for what? My life is so cynical. I am just emotionally exhausted. So much that I cannot cry about it. (Since I am taking one specific medication I am not able to cry anymore.) I am just feeling really empty right now.

But thank you @Hindsightis2020 for telling me those kind words.

 

[Socaku]

8 to 10, I almost have what I need to ctb..... Some unfinished business and then I will see the other side....

 

[Foresight]

I can understand the pain and frustration you're feeling.

I had an experience where I left the college I was at when I was almost done. I entered a new college, dropped out and switched again. The new place I went to had other credit requirements on top of my personal failings so I ended up being there for several more years. College isn't always a straight shot. It's still exhausting to find yourself in this place. I'm here for you wherever you go with the situation. It took me 4 colleges and many tears to graduate so I'm well versed in the matter.

 

[Hurt]

It's my 3rd day with a 10. I want to ctb right now

 

[asmah]

8-9
I would have done it, if I would only know how and where

 

[noname223]

I can understand the pain and frustration you're feeling.

I had an experience where I left the college I was at when I was almost done. I entered a new college, dropped out and switched again. The new place I went to had other credit requirements on top of my personal failings so I ended up being there for several more years. College isn't always a straight shot. It's still exhausting to find yourself in this place. I'm here for you wherever you go with the situation. It took me 4 colleges and many tears to graduate so I'm well versed in the matter.

Thank you very much for giving me hope and strength.

Hugs.

 

[cherry2000]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

7

 

[davidgeorge]

8, still on track for a set month

 

[Tristan]

3

 

[EraseRewind]

I'm at 8.5 right now, it's just getting harder to justify my existence. I'm sure I'm hurting my family when I'm like this, I try to be positive but everyone can see through my facade now.

Much of the time I'm either worried sick or numb, I'll keep taking it a day at time until I can't.

 

[allesistgut]

10

 

[allesistgut]

7

 

[disabledlife]

10

 

[walt]

3

Talking about topics I study makes me excited, but I still feel sad sometimes.

 

[sadnessnsuicide]

As of right now I'm probably at about a 4 or a 5. I still feel determined to end my life, but over the past week I experienced many things that reminded me that there are occasionally parts of life that are very sweet. I'm pretty conflicted as to what I should do.

 

[noname223]

Low suicidality like 3,5. But I am quite manic I hope this won't become a new manic episode. Could drive me over the edge when I get a new psychosis...I hate my old medication and I don't want to take it anymore. Not even the addictive emergency medication is helping. This suicide forum always had an anti-manic effect on me. Maybe I will elaborate on that in another thread. This is really important, Bipolar people always have the desire of getting manic but the consequences would probably be deadly for me. This forum reminds me of that. I will soon talk with my therapists about my manic symptoms. They will probably urge me to take the old medication. I have another idea. Maybe we can make a deal.

 

[Squiddy]

8. I almost burst into tears today when I had to get my blood drawn at a lab because of the potential bill and my insurance not covering it. I'm down to my last $100 and no one is hiring me to work. I'm feeling defeated and am waiting for the day I snap and just ctb because I can't take it anymore I ended up breaking down in tears in my car before walking into my parents house because I would've probably been told that others have it worse

 

[orange]

9. l've been on a streak lately where I don't know if I'll do it the next day because I have everything ready. Yet I never do. I can't short of do it whenever because of my living situation, I have to plan a bit beforehand and if I leave to do it and then don't have the guts, well I can't go back home for another 8 hours. Really really wish I would do it tomorrow but I have a bad track record.

 

[NSA]

7. Been ruminating on it all day. I want to but I don't want to. Why can't I make up my damn mind for once in my life?

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

8…just freaking kill me already.

 

[S like Siren]

10 i want be dead,this waiting is nerve wracking!

 

[not_ready]

6

 

[JCR]

Suicidal ideation has been a constant in my life since my early teenage years. I wasn't really depressed I just didn't see the point of living. Not in the sense you may find described in an existentialist text but in a more primitive sense. I didn't really put the whole picture together in my mind until recently although all the pieces have been there since then. Now it is no longer ideation.

 

[BigGimpin]

10 and that is why I finally signed up here. I dont want to live another sleepless night, it is all too much.

Trying to gather the inner strength to introduce myself to the forums, probably be on here all night reading.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

10 The more I live the worse it becomes and the worse I become. Life is absolutely meaningless and cruel. Just kill me now

 

[sparky10]

10 as I experience complete anhedonia and 24/7 hyper awareness. Basically a vegetable now