Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[MrOptions]

5 3/4

 

[JustDie]

8.5 today; after every happiness there is a depression and that is the cycle of life. i have my sn for a long time, but what keeps me going is my desires to talk to more people. and yet i feel hopeless once again, despite having the world at my fingertips..

 

[Foresight]

10

 

[Krieger]

6 I guess but they linger. I don't have sudden suicidal thoughts that make me wanna pick up a gun and blow my brains out, its more like i've been fantasizing about doing it for a while and have suicidal thoughts frequently but they don't effect my emotions at all. I think about what I'd look like after doing it and fantasize about different scenarios

 

[NotSureToEndure]

5.. I feel completely torn.

I keep trying to get better but I feel like there is no way out.

Feel shitty in my body but I've exhausted all options with doctors.

I just don't know how much strength I have to carry on and I feel like I'm getting tired of pretending I'm okay.

I feel like it would be easier if I left now for everyone around me but equally I know I'll cause alot of upset if I CTB

 

[thedaywillcome]

I want leave,

 

[Kismet]

Not any particular reason

I'm at a 3 right now. Mostly because it's the weekend

I would say that's about what I am now. I think work is stressing me out but I sometimes wonder if it's the time of year type of thing

 

[S like suicide]

10
I would like to disappear

 

[sadanon3]

5 or 6. Kind of my baseline. I function but I'm more often than not thinking about how fucked I am and how bad I want to escape.

 

[allesistgut]

earlier i was at probably a 10 and i think i would have attempted partial if i had rope or could have found something i was confident would have worked, but right now down to a 8 or so.

 

[littleshopofhorrors]

9, but getting inebriated over the last few hours has brought it down to a 7..

 

[WaterHemlock]

9

 

[its-about-time]

A good 6.5 today. Only thing I can really think about today is killing myself but motivation to follow through is low so no real chance of doing it right now.

 

[Squiddy]

6.5. Not the worse it's ever been, but not great either. I managed to finally found a job, but I'm afraid I'm going to fuck up and be fired due to my cognition issues (mainly my terrible auditory memory and not remembering conversations sometimes seconds after having them). I'm so glad that I still have my SN just in case I decide that I'm done

 

[Lullaby]

10

 

[locked*n*loaded]

7. Average is 7. It can jump up to an 8 or 9 when unavoidable triggers, apparently unavoidable anyway, happen. I can't seem to avoid them.

 

[morusa]

11, always on overdrive… Mind is fragmented.

 

[not_ready]

7 sad..

 

[WorthlessTrash]

On a good day, my depression is a 7 or 8. On a bad day it is a 9. I do think of suicide every day and all of the time, though. Especially when I see my triggers.

Ideally, I'd be the way I want to be so I wouldn't have to think like this. However, since I cannot, suicide is the better alternative.

 

[Sweet Chainsaw]

7.5

 

[Crazy4u]

3. Feeling calm despite everything

 

[Hans Voralberg]

Probably 100 but i am very calm. This cycle of pain hope and sadness must to end.

 

[liberty_222]

8

 

[thedaywillcome]

7.5

 

[nopride86]

I'm at a solid 8 today.
Today is my birthday, my fiancé is wonderful and I should be grateful and acknowledge his efforts. Instead I just want to crawl in a hole and die.

I never really thought I'd be at this point yknow? Scrolling a suicide forum on my birthday to keep myself from completely disassociating while at work. I really wanted today to just be….idk. A break from my racing thoughts and dread. But all it took was one call from my mother to trigger everything. She calls or texts me every damn day and forces herself over all the time, so I'm stuck in this constant loop of triggering without relief. I also feel like shit from unexplained lip ulcers (not herpes, not canker sores). I can't even really kiss my fiancé anymore it's been months.

What I want most for my birthday is for my mom to forget that I exist. I used to pray for her to drop dead but God doesn't work like a genie so I started to pray for my own death instead. I'm so emotionally and psychologically exhausted by her that I can't give any part of myself to my partner, or really anything that could bring joy and she does it on purpose. No matter what I do to keep the peace I end up making myself, my fiancé or my mom unhappy. I miss lockdown pandemic when i went months without seeing her. It was such a reprieve, I'd do anything to bring that back.
And my lip didn't have a single spot during that time (it appears to be activated by emotional stress which is literally all the time now).

I can't go no-contact and she's not going anywhere anytime soon so I guess I'm the one that has to go. I wish I could stop kidding myself and just do it already. I wish someone would have recognized that emotional incest and enmeshment is abuse when I was younger, maybe things would have been different.

I just needed to unload this, thank you.

 

[Symbiote]

Some days are harder than others. Feeling it strongly today, 9.

 

[Hurt]

10. I want to die tonight.

 

[Foresight]

9

 

[notenough86]

Today was a better day. 3ish right now.

 

[todestrieb]

Today is a solid 9. I was getting ready to go when I convinced myself I need to try one more day. I was so happy sitting there knowing it would stop hurting soon, but life goes on.