You got this man. Just keep marching, brave soldier, just one step at a time.
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throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
Every now and then I read trough my posts from a year ago and compare.
Crime has gotten a lot worse here. Racism is obvious and very blatant. People don't even try to hide it anymore. It feels like the whole world is turning into one giant shit show. Blade runner-style.
I do my best to get trough the days but there is only so much energy that I have. I wish I had the money to buy N. It would be very hard to drink it but I'm sure after a while it would be doable. It would feel a lot better knowing there is a reliable exit available at any time.
I remember it wasn't this bad 5 years ago. A lot has changed. The world may not be ending but it sure is going downhill for the majority of us. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer....
Crime has gotten a lot worse here. Racism is obvious and very blatant. People don't even try to hide it anymore. It feels like the whole world is turning into one giant shit show. Blade runner-style.
I do my best to get trough the days but there is only so much energy that I have. I wish I had the money to buy N. It would be very hard to drink it but I'm sure after a while it would be doable. It would feel a lot better knowing there is a reliable exit available at any time.
I remember it wasn't this bad 5 years ago. A lot has changed. The world may not be ending but it sure is going downhill for the majority of us. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer....
omoidarui
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
- Apr 30, 2019
- 995
all the gatekeeping im seeing on the forums as of l8 is depressin me 
Ame
あめ
- Nov 1, 2019
- 322
I think that I finally found what I have been looking for (SN is a pain to find here). Let's order the goods and hope that they actually arrive without getting swiped...If not I will be ultra salty.
charlie_z
Student
- Apr 30, 2018
- 184
The start of a quasi biographical short story ...
William never directly addressed my suicide attempt. The two times he came to visit at the hospital, he asked me if the food was alright, and if I'd like something to read sent to me. He seemed distracted and uncomfortable. I couldn't blame him. Psychiatric state facilities are pretty dreary places; patients shambling about in unkempt, rumpled pajamas and the hallways smelling of stale urine and desperation ...
Add if it sounds familiar. Add if it doesn't. Just a bit fun to will away the time ...
William never directly addressed my suicide attempt. The two times he came to visit at the hospital, he asked me if the food was alright, and if I'd like something to read sent to me. He seemed distracted and uncomfortable. I couldn't blame him. Psychiatric state facilities are pretty dreary places; patients shambling about in unkempt, rumpled pajamas and the hallways smelling of stale urine and desperation ...
Add if it sounds familiar. Add if it doesn't. Just a bit fun to will away the time ...
I always say the brain is the stupidest organ in the human body.
In many programming languages positive implications (if a equals b) are less resource hogging than negatives (if a doesn't equal b).
!= is roughly 1.667 bits (iirc), while = ("is". Example: if a = "abcd") or == ("equals". Example: if a+b==5).
A brain is an overglorified electric meatloaf with a multithreading processor, meaning it's able to run several, completely different complex programs at once (example: one can do calculus while shitting. What's more interesting is that shitting, if done manually, would be far more complicated than calculus).
To counter that we need buffers, but resource savvy buffers.
For an example, if one is attempting to quit smoking, it would be much less resource consuming to think "if I get the cravings, I will not smoke until after I do the macarena" than "if I get the cravings, I will first do the macarena".
It's also shorter to write out, if turns out.
If so, hypothesis: if one was to apply this approach to a goal, would said goal be achieved easier?
Once\assuming (because Israel Post is far more incompetent than USPS) I get my kalimba, I will put this to a test.
In many programming languages positive implications (if a equals b) are less resource hogging than negatives (if a doesn't equal b).
!= is roughly 1.667 bits (iirc), while = ("is". Example: if a = "abcd") or == ("equals". Example: if a+b==5).
A brain is an overglorified electric meatloaf with a multithreading processor, meaning it's able to run several, completely different complex programs at once (example: one can do calculus while shitting. What's more interesting is that shitting, if done manually, would be far more complicated than calculus).
To counter that we need buffers, but resource savvy buffers.
For an example, if one is attempting to quit smoking, it would be much less resource consuming to think "if I get the cravings, I will not smoke until after I do the macarena" than "if I get the cravings, I will first do the macarena".
It's also shorter to write out, if turns out.
If so, hypothesis: if one was to apply this approach to a goal, would said goal be achieved easier?
Once\assuming (because Israel Post is far more incompetent than USPS) I get my kalimba, I will put this to a test.
Random thought;
Why do clowns freak so many people out?
Why do clowns freak so many people out?
BPD_LE
The Queen of Meme
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,576
Woodnote
Goodbye
- Oct 23, 2019
- 277
I feel crazy. I keep going back and forth between wanting to die or trying to live one last time. Why can't I make up my mind. I'm stuck.
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
Every day is day alone. No real family, no friends. No nothing. I never really had anyone and I still don't have anyone.
The kind of feeling that gives you. It really does hurt. CTB feels like a huge relief and currently is the only thing I'm looking forward to. Finally going in peace. That would be nice.
I know I'm not the only person feeling this but still. I wonder why people say suicide is wrong. In my belief they just never felt the kind of pain we feel every second of our lives.
I see fake people every day and honestly I'd rather live alone than be surrounded by a million fake friends. But I don't even have one real friend. I wonder sometimes if there are people out there like me who I could be friends with, who I could have been friends with but I know that'll never happen.
Death is salvation. People who say otherwise don't know how tough life can really get. Or they are just too afraid to admit the painful truth. Suffering is never justified. It doesn't serve any higher purpose. It is simply meaningless. Senseless. It's all just a rigged game and I'm tired of losing. No I'm tired of playing it. What good is winning a rigged game? The only way to win would be to cheat and that's what people do to survive and thrive in this world. This is how this world works and I don't want to live in a world like that even if I was lucky.
The kind of feeling that gives you. It really does hurt. CTB feels like a huge relief and currently is the only thing I'm looking forward to. Finally going in peace. That would be nice.
I know I'm not the only person feeling this but still. I wonder why people say suicide is wrong. In my belief they just never felt the kind of pain we feel every second of our lives.
I see fake people every day and honestly I'd rather live alone than be surrounded by a million fake friends. But I don't even have one real friend. I wonder sometimes if there are people out there like me who I could be friends with, who I could have been friends with but I know that'll never happen.
Death is salvation. People who say otherwise don't know how tough life can really get. Or they are just too afraid to admit the painful truth. Suffering is never justified. It doesn't serve any higher purpose. It is simply meaningless. Senseless. It's all just a rigged game and I'm tired of losing. No I'm tired of playing it. What good is winning a rigged game? The only way to win would be to cheat and that's what people do to survive and thrive in this world. This is how this world works and I don't want to live in a world like that even if I was lucky.
BPD_LE
The Queen of Meme
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,576
So I told my best friends daughter I was suicidal today. Her mum died 10 years ago, OD. I promised her mum to look after her if she died, then she did. If I ctb, I fail my best friend and will traumatise her daughter all over again. Love has always been my weakness.
I saw kids talking about their love to their teacher then meeting her at the street. Reminded me of the shit past
My ass hurts.
During my last hospitalization I was given some strong painkillers to calm my shit down. Specifically, they shot those painkillers into my ass, much like one vaccinates a baby. That bit worked.
It's been a week. My right buttcheek is still displeased of being stabbed by a tiny needle.
During my last hospitalization I was given some strong painkillers to calm my shit down. Specifically, they shot those painkillers into my ass, much like one vaccinates a baby. That bit worked.
It's been a week. My right buttcheek is still displeased of being stabbed by a tiny needle.
When my eczema flares they give me a shot in the butt. One time one of the nurses jammed it in there and my butt-cheek was sore for a good few hours.
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
I know exactly what you are talking about. Hurts my soul to see young kids go down that shit road.
BPD_LE
The Queen of Meme
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,576
Being forced to have more people in my life will just upset more people when I go. Why don't they understand that?
I think if UBI was more common or actually existed in this modern day, it could help quite a few folks, including me.
vonvonwantpeace
Specialist
- Jul 26, 2019
- 331
throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
I wish I could stop thinking and just get it over with.
Kassender
Experienced
- Aug 29, 2018
- 251
I feel invisible, worthless and alone, but at the same time i don't want to see anyone either.
Because it's just the same when im surrounded. Only worse.
Because it's just the same when im surrounded. Only worse.
Something about realizing i'm on borrowed time has made me terrified to die.
BPD_LE
The Queen of Meme
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,576
I want to go today. I can't bare this anymore. I swear to God I can't keep going.
Mud.
Arcanist
- Oct 27, 2018
- 403
I've completely accepted my own situation and its inevitable conclusion.
I'm ready for my rest.
The only hurdle left is tearing me apart though.
I have to bring my cat to an asylum :(
It's so hard and I hate myself for it.
I'm ready for my rest.
The only hurdle left is tearing me apart though.
I have to bring my cat to an asylum :(
It's so hard and I hate myself for it.
i can't get the image of drinking N in the dark dark night at his door step out of my mind
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,298
BPD_LE
The Queen of Meme
- Aug 11, 2019
- 1,576
Did something happen? 
The most ridiculous things trigger me. My Dog got in a fight and then my support worker cancelled. Life is slow and difficult. Everyday I die a bit more. Will be ctb soon I think. Hugs to you
