
Manaaja
euROPE
- Sep 10, 2018
- 1,474
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I had similar fantasies for a long time. After some reflection, I realised it was dually motivated by both the desire for death and the desire for meaning. Sacrificing oneself for another fulfulls both of those desires. It is a beautiful thing. One might call it sublime.I thought this thread could be interesting. Sometimes one might have a topic they want to talk about or just vent, but they might think it is not worth making a thread about it.
For example, I will start.
Earlier when I was taking a shower, I remembered something I had long forgotten and it made me realize I might have been wishing for death for longer than I thought. It was of my belief that I started wishing to die around my 15 years old mark or so, but even before that, I now remember fantasizing in my head about dying to protect/save someone. The someone in question would change, but they were usually my yearly school crush (I pretty much had a different crush every year when I was a kid). It is weird, isn't it? Even as a 10 years old or so kid, death was already a common thought for me. I wonder why...
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Anything goes, but keep it civil and no prejudice/hatred here, please. If the thread isn't interesting, just let it fade away — Eventually it will be buried by other new threads.
I appreciate your posts. Your character shines through. I tend to brevity so this is short.So....this is what my last days are like....wanting to die so badly, but delaying it temporarily for others sake. Everyone aware I can do it any minute but nobody trying to stop me and then there's the worst part....no close friends. Not one. Sad thing is, I saw it possibly ending this way a long time ago. Guess I really was right. I really am a completely disposable and worthless piece of trash and taking myself out is no different than throwing out the garbage....