Random thoughts

[Lauralyn]

Triggering people with my existence but I love people enough to keep to myself.

 

[littlelungs]

I've gotten the hiccups five different times today just from positioning myself upright in bed so that I can get up for food, meds, bathroom, etc.

This happens so often. I don't know what the fuck is going on with my body to make it do that in particular, but it's annoying as shit.

There's so much water sloshing around in my stomach now because these last hiccups were particularly stubborn.

Fuck getting the hiccups.

 

[Manaaja]

I've gotten the hiccups five different times today just from positioning myself upright in bed so that I can get up for food, meds, bathroom, etc.

This happens so often. I don't know what the fuck is going on with my body to make it do that in particular, but it's annoying as shit.

There's so much water sloshing around in my stomach now because these last hiccups were particularly stubborn.

Fuck getting the hiccups.

I've had similar problems with burps. I don't know why. Is it because I haven't moved or walked about any amount of time for days? Or is it because I sit or stand or sleep in bad positions? Is there blockage? Is it what I eat? Is it my vegetarian food? Is it extreme stress? Is it because I haven't eaten much? Or a combination of them all? I burped the whole last week so much every day non-stop that I hurt my throat.

I hope you can get rid of those hiccups. I was always told that getting scared removes them. Like getting jump-scared or something, for example, if someone yelled "Boo!" and touched your back.

 

[Seaghost]

I'm feeling wrong again and empty but that's ok say my pills to my brain. No need to worry about.
I even had a some funny hours yesterday. What a good bubble I'm living in....
Something inside of my says to myself I'm not suffering enough.

Hm...no need to be alive. I'm lost in myself.
I wanna touch a human gently...my human. Oh I'm sorry there's no one just me.
Hello void.

 

[deflationary]

Bite it, you scum

(not addressed to anyone here )

 

[Manaaja]

I'm too sad to talk.

I have wanted to play on VR this whole evening but I have cried so much and I can't get the headset wet.

Odd, now that dog is dead it feels she is somehow nearer in a way. She feels both farther away and nearer.

I have a slight "What does it all matter?" feeling. For whose sake I live? For what reason do I live? Why should I do anything? I went for a small walk, but I felt really lonely and uncomfortable. Walking alone is no fun.

I couldn't even see the dog before she died. I couldn't take one last pic, one last video, give last kiss, be there for her. I told my dog the last time we met (or was it the second last) that I love her. I told it both in English and my native language while hugging and giving her a kiss on her back.

 

[Seaghost]

Going to bed. Ativan is working.
A few moments in peace. I hope I will never wake up.
Goodnight SS Boys n Girls

 

[S like suicide]

I feel really like a shit!I feel lost,empty,without any sense,completly alone in the dark with no light,no help...nothing!I wish I never came into the world ... my life was just a waste and a pain! A life without meaning, without love...i'm so tired of not having noone...so tired of this pain...so lost in the dark:(

 

[AtMostOkay]

 

[spiralling]

Insomnia sucks.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Very cool how my diabetes medicine does such a good job at reducing my appetite that it just makes me hungrier, although I wonder whether or not I'd be even hungrier without it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am jealous of people who can get euthanasia and those that die in their sleep. I am so done with this life. For me there is nothing to look forward to apart from death. It's all so pointless.

 

[spiralling]

No time like the present.

 

[http-410]

I cannot escape this situation - not in the conventional way. I just want my peace and quiet and no more people around me. Everything is too much, they are too much, I am too much.

edit:
Wow, if I hadn't already had breakfast... I don't know if I would have done "it" today.

Can things get any worse? I didn't expect everything to go so fast all of a sudden.

I have no idea what to do.

 

[http-410]

It's no longer just the beginning of the end, I'm in the middle of it.

It doesn't help to go out when I'm confronted with everything else everywhere.

 

[Seaghost]

The loop around my neck is getting tighter and tighter.
Yes sir or madames in heaven or hell I do my best to die. You don't need to punish me cause you think I'm to slow.
I'm on my way but I need some help,cover or some kind of a wingman.
Is that allowed???

Sweet legal pills you won't help me....

 

[http-410]

I am afraid of failing.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

The Last of Us is one of my husband's favorite games as well (although he's not enjoying the sequel nearly as much).

I have seen bits of it, watching him play, and it is unique and interesting. I can see why a person would get caught up in it, especially here, with the specter of death looming constantly.

Although, I suppose that is a common thread among most first-person-shooter games.

It looks like fun to play and a great escape, but alas, my issues with vertigo prevent me playing such games.

 

[callme]

When I visit somebody and they tell me to make myself at home, first thing I do is kick them out, because I don't like visitors.

I recently quit my job as a can crusher. It was soda pressing..

 

[xecay]

The Last of Us is probably my favorite game.

I cannot even play games at the moment.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I watched the Animal Crossing direct and I wish I could say "too little, too late" but it's more like "too much, too late". I just wanted to be done with that game after I finished my island goddammit. I think I'm probably just not going to bother with it for my own sanity even though they did readd one of my favorite features from the 3DS Animal Crossing game.

 

[http-410]

The urge to ctb is incredibly strong today, but I'm not yet ready. Still, I think I'm missing an opportunity.

The documents must be destroyed. The disks must be overwritten. Nothing should be left. Nothing personal, revealing. I wish I could throw this room, including myself, into a giant shredder and erase thoughts of me from everyone's mind.

I think it happened. I have disintegrated.

I always feel a little better when I manage to block everything out. But I can't do it any longer, soon™ everything will stop and I will be confronted with everything bad. I am increasingly alienating myself, maneuvering a human-like (is it?) scaffold in front of me, only to destroy it in the end.

 

[odradek]

Does Google purposely make spellcheck not work on Android so I have to google words constantly? I was one letter off, how can't you catch that? Ugh probably.

 

[http-410]

Why do these subreddits exist if posts are deleted?

What a waste of time and energy.

 

[WOODESITY]

Back to my secluded space, and back to my random thoughts, my ears occupied by earphones as they bring enjoyment as some level, my system intoxicated with alcohol, i distract myself every day to take off my mind of this life i got stuck in, thoughts and plans about killing myself will never go away unless i stop existing and that's already my desire, my mood is like randomized, it changes so quickly and then it's always instable, i want to stop existing forever, i fucking hate this existence, whoever forced me into it you haven't done anything good to me but bad, time will come when i have enough courage and i will end my life, i look forward for this day with excitement because i feel like ending all suffering permanently is rational choice.

 

[Laddydragon]

I'm just not made for this world and also I'm just a bad person in general I never hurt anyone but I never say anything right can never be smart enough never good enough I'm a failure my whole existence has been pointless and as soon as I die no one will remember me and that is good I'm glad I'd rather not leave a impression on people

 

[needingpeace24]

This is an interesting place. Reading over threads the last few days and seeing so many broken human beings...and not being able to help a single soul.

I had a good friend take his life 18 years ago. Jumped off of a parking garage late at night. He loved to sneak up there and sort through his thoughts while looking out over our city. Always wished I could have said something meaningful to him that night before he went through with it. Just something to comfort him. I've always wondered how alone he truly felt up there that night.

That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Not trying to talk anyone down off of a ledge or anything...but if anyone reads this just know you're not alone. If you've made posts this week I've probably seen them, and I 100% feel for you. Wish like hell you all didn't feel the way you do. I know it's a small thing to your circumstances, still wanted you all to know that.

 

[Manaaja]

I have never understood one thing.

I was watching an anime. Someone went to buy video games from a store and there were PS4 game keep cases, the exact same game packet, the same blue line on top of it, the same symbol, the same name.

Except it wasn't PS4 it was PZ4, and the symbol had a lying Z instead of S. But that's all, everything was the exact same, they just changed S to Z.

WHY?! If it because of copyrights or something, I'm sure that having everything else be the exact same and just changing S to Z is a violation.

I fucking wish the 1/10 brains either respected copyrights and came up with their own console names and logos and game keep cases, or just outright called them PS4.

Same with those Zony TVs. Just call them Sony or make up your own name like Tii-Vii. Now Tii-Vii. I've never seen anyone use that obvious and funny word used. Because those retards have a fetish of calling Sony Zony. Heh, Sony Zony would be a funny name too. They should have a Sony fan who has a pony named Sony Pony, or Son. I.pony." A brown male necromancer horse called Son E.bony whose dad is Dad. E.bony. See?!

Even some indie comic artists do it. "This is google, this looks and behaves like google, but let's just call it guugl". You fudgesarses call it something funny and original like "Söözi-chan" (search-chan) or you call it Google!

If you can't even make up a new name for a browser or TV, then you probably can't even think of a new, good and unique story.

 

[TriggerHappy]

I have never understood one thing.

I was watching an anime. Someone went to buy video games from a store and there were PS4 game keep cases, the exact same game packet, the same blue line on top of it, the same symbol, the same name.

Except it wasn't PS4 it was PZ4, and the symbol had a lying Z instead of S. But that's all, everything was the exact same, they just changed S to Z.

WHY?! If it because of copyrights or something, I'm sure that having everything else be the exact same and just changing S to Z is a violation.

I fucking wish the 1/10 brains either respected copyrights and came up with their own console names and logos and game keep cases, or just outright called them PS4.

Same with those Zony TVs. Just call them Sony or make up your own name like Tii-Vii. Now Tii-Vii. I've never seen anyone use that obvious and funny word used. Because those retards have a fetish of calling Sony Zony. Heh, Sony Zony would be a funny name too. They should have a Sony fan who has a pony named Sony Pony, or Son. I.pony." A brown male necromancer horse called Son E.bony whose dad is Dad. E.bony. See?!

Even some indie comic artists do it. "This is google, this looks and behaves like google, but let's just call it guugl". You fudgesarses call it something funny and original like "Söözi-chan" (search-chan) or you call it Google!

If you can't even make up a new name for a browser or TV, then you probably can't even think of a new, good and unique story.

Funny!
I remember buying a HOMEGATE watch in Thailand, after payment they popped off the glass cover and scratched off the H and the E giving me an Omega... then i figured out why Rolexa was a brand name, the skew letters are hardly misunderstood as counterfeit in the near /far east / Arab states... huge huge market (my interest was esp in grey AppleMacs & the illegalitys involved in counterfeit Linux kernel coding) half the macs are fakes and their owners don't even know!!

 

[Manaaja]

Funny!
I remember buying a HOMEGATE watch in Thailand, after payment they popped off the glass cover and scratched off the H and the E giving me an Omega... then i figured out why Rolexa was a brand name, the skew letters are hardly misunderstood as counterfeit in the near /far east / Arab states... huge huge market (my interest was esp in grey AppleMacs & the illegalitys involved in counterfeit Linux kernel coding) half the macs are fakes and their owners don't even know!!

I completely forgot about Asian countries having a huge counterfeit market. Should have scratched the O too to get a mega watch. XD A really different culture. I hope the fakeMacs still work like a real one. Now that you said, I remember people buying DS games and years later finding out that they were all fake. At least they still worked.