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RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
I was this close to ordering a pack of 20 feather blades on Amazon just to get back to cutting myself. Looks like getting used to using alcohol to drown out the lows was a bad idea, especially for times when I can''t afford to purchase it regularly.

Time to be completely useless at work again.
 
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irrelevant_string

irrelevant_string

Student
Jun 16, 2019
122
I was this close to ordering a pack of 20 feather blades on Amazon just to get back to cutting myself. Looks like getting used to using alcohol to drown out the lows was a bad idea, especially for times when I can''t afford to purchase it regularly.

Time to be completely useless at work again.
Hey if it makes you feel any better(no, probably not), I was useless enough that I've decided to give up on that internship and I'm back at being a useless student, which is a worse kind of useless.
I don't even get how you can work while being under the influence of alcohol. It destroys my cognitive abilities, just like benzos.
 
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RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
Hey if it makes you feel any better(no, probably not), I was useless enough that I've decided to give up on that internship and I'm back at being a useless student, which is a worse kind of useless.
I don't even get how you can work while being under the influence of alcohol. It destroys my cognitive abilities, just like benzos.
When I'm inebriated, I focus only on the most immediate task, and that makes the day better (less time spent ruminating on how my life is headed towards a dead end). I spent my last internship doing actual work for the first 20 days, and wallowing in a pool of self-pity for the remaining 30. I was supposed to get at least a demo for a game built, but all I managed to do was get some random CC0 artwork and build a prototype with that, and I presented some shitty rushed drawings to go along with it to call it complete, and get a LOR. My script plans were written in the back of my notebook, and were barely legible (not that reading them would make them make sense, considering that I never managed to make the professor I was under comprehend what I was going for). I wanted to finish the game before I died, but I guess that it's going to go on the pile of things I should have done but didn't.
 
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irrelevant_string

irrelevant_string

Student
Jun 16, 2019
122
When I'm inebriated, I focus only on the most immediate task, and that makes the day better (less time spent ruminating on how my life is headed towards a dead end). I spent my last internship doing actual work for the first 20 days, and wallowing in a pool of self-pity for the remaining 30. I was supposed to get at least a demo for a game built, but all I managed to do was get some random CC0 artwork and build a prototype with that, and I presented some shitty rushed drawings to go along with it to call it complete, and get a LOR. My script plans were written in the back of my notebook, and were barely legible (not that reading them would make them make sense, considering that I never managed to make the professor I was under comprehend what I was going for). I wanted to finish the game before I died, but I guess that it's going to go on the pile of things I should have done but didn't.
Wait, the game is not part of your current internship? I think that you're overloaded. I would break under so much pressure, as I did, partly because I still have exams and I was supposed to learn a new framework in a foreign language for the internship and had to learn to cooperate with others and tolerate their pressence and not take half an hour long sessions of staring at the walls.

And others not understanding your work isn't necessarily your fault, but I know that things like this are easier said than done.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,382
Twitter is full of young little princesses offering shitty "life advice" after chad pumped and dumped them, and people mass loving their posts. Ever wondered why a young scantily dressed pretty girl gets lots of fans while an older properly dressed wise philosophic man is ignored? Hmm? Could it have something to do with their body and sex? I swear it has nothing to do with the quality or usefulness of their advice.

I've wondered for a long time why Twitter is so full of stupid low quality trash posts and life advice from people with no wisdom nor intelligence nor life experience nor any kind of philosophical ability, in short: people whose only contribution to the society or the whole world is their young body, but then I saw a poll with hundreds of votes where about 10% of people where 25 or older and the huge majority was younger. That's it. You allow young people on Twitter so of course it will be full of shit. And you can't publicly say anything negative about younger people, because the majority of your Twitter followers is younger people and they will shit on your neck if you say something like "I wouldn't take life advice from a person half my age" or "That's what you think now, because you're a teen. I swear your opinion and point of view will be completely different when you're 30." Children and teens hate facts and they hate older people and they hate being called inexperienced and they hate being called children.

Hey young people on Twitter: Your so called "life advice" is shit! And the only people liking them are other edgy immature teens and people who find your photos "visually stimulating".

Btw, I have never seen shitty life advice posts from young men or teen boys. Is it because they're smart enough to know that they aren't smart and old enough to be giving life advice to the masses or is it because they don't post questionable pics of pretty young girls and thus their tweets don't get popular enough to be seen by me?
 
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RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,202
Wait, the game is not part of your current internship?
Nah, that was for my summer internship. My current one is mandated by the university, the last one was one I wanted (or rather, thought I wanted, turned out to be sadly mistaken on that).
I think that you're overloaded.
Nah, I'm doing much less that any of my peers. They're all preparing for job interviews as well, I'm just barely managing to get by.
I would break under so much pressure, as I did, partly because I still have exams and I was supposed to learn a new framework in a foreign language for the internship and had to learn to cooperate with others and tolerate their pressence and not take half an hour long sessions of staring at the walls.
I broke about 2 years ago, and I've spent my time since then watching myself rot while I'm still breathing. I've picked up a fair bit of stuff on the way though, turned out to be much easier than it appeared originally. I've had my hour-long sessions of sitting on the beanbag, watching random YouTube videos or trying to make my thoughts stop on bad days.
And others not understanding your work isn't necessarily your fault, but I know that things like this are easier said than done.
TBH, the ideas weren't that great, so... IDK if it would have been worth his time to listen. I haven't seen much like the stuff I'd thought of in most stuff on the market, but that doesn't mean that I would be able to make a product that can communicate what I'm going for to the audience. Not being able to make other people understand what I'm thinking is kinda my special ability.
 
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irrelevant_string

irrelevant_string

Student
Jun 16, 2019
122
broke about 2 years ago, and I've spent my time since then watching myself rot while I'm still breathing. I've picked up a fair bit of stuff on the way though, turned out to be much easier than it appeared originally. I've had my hour-long sessions of sitting on the beanbag, watching random YouTube videos or trying to make my thoughts stop on bad days.
That was me in the last semester, which is why I'm still doing exams in October. A new semester is starting on Monday and I still haven't passed databases... the easiest exam this year. The last opportunity to do it is tomorrow and I'll probably be the only one there. I might even lose my scholarship.
So I get the feeling of being behind everyone else, but I just try to accept the fact that my brain isn't as adaptable as everyone else's and conveniently shift the responsibility onto my parents if my current state of mind allows it.

I try to disassociate my studying from school and other people too by not using the materials provided by the university and not talking to others students about it, which allow me to believe on some level that it's just a hobby of mine. That's the only way I'd be able to work on a big project without losing my mind with stress, but it's not applicable in the situation where you actually have to show up at work, so... yeah, I don't have anything useful to say.
 
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262653

262653

Cluesome
Apr 5, 2018
1,733
Twitter is full of young little princesses offering shitty "life advice" after chad pumped and dumped them, and people mass loving their posts. Ever wondered why a young scantily dressed pretty girl gets lots of fans while an older properly dressed wise philosophic man is ignored? Hmm? Could it have something to do with their body and sex? I swear it has nothing to do with the quality or usefulness of their advice.

I've wondered for a long time why Twitter is so full of stupid low quality trash posts and life advice from people with no wisdom nor intelligence nor life experience nor any kind of philosophical ability, in short: people whose only contribution to the society or the whole world is their young body, but then I saw a poll with hundreds of votes where about 10% of people where 25 or older and the huge majority was younger. That's it. You allow young people on Twitter so of course it will be full of shit. And you can't publicly say anything negative about younger people, because the majority of your Twitter followers is younger people and they will shit on your neck if you say something like "I wouldn't take life advice from a person half my age" or "That's what you think now, because you're a teen. I swear your opinion and point of view will be completely different when you're 30." Children and teens hate facts and they hate older people and they hate being called inexperienced and they hate being called children.

Hey young people on Twitter: Your so called "life advice" is shit! And the only people liking them are other edgy immature teens and people who find your photos "visually stimulating".

Btw, I have never seen shitty life advice posts from young men or teen boys. Is it because they're smart enough to know that they aren't smart and old enough to be giving life advice to the masses or is it because they don't post questionable pics of pretty young girls and thus their tweets don't get popular enough to be seen by me?

Maybe it would be wise for philosophic men to use the young girl's pics too?
 
Last edited:
thatguyakira123

thatguyakira123

Experienced
Apr 10, 2018
217
Heh. So since my last post, I got recommended to a family services therapist. The government appointed phycologist place didn't want to put me in the system. Family Services is government operated and also free. The catch, after traving a long distance I was told the place had a meeting until 2pm(It's now 10am) And I have to either come back at 2 or tomorrow to secdule a meeting. It's been 3 weeks and I still haven't seen a Government Appointed therapist. I fucking hate this country. The world is such a fucking joke.
 
M

Morphinekiss

Enlightened
Jun 8, 2019
1,207
My oncologist referred me to a surgeon who no longer practices and and now I'm convinced everyone (except nurses) in the medical field is retarded. I also don't know if I can trust his opinion because like...wtf
 
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L

Lefty

Mage
Dec 7, 2018
530
I've noticed there is very little help if any help for people with mental illness in the medical field. Everyone needs to stop turning a blind to mental illness.
 
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E

Exitforme

Deceased
Oct 3, 2019
85
I sometimes wonder if this earth is someplace where I was sent for punishment due to sins in my past life...
 
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S

spanishguy22

Enlightened
Apr 9, 2019
1,003
At this point it seems I have half the forum on ignore lmao, basically those I can clearly tell are here just fooling around with silly posts, memes and laughs in suicidal tópics. Been a surge of that lately. This annoying people piss me off.
Wish there could be a group of people I know are legit and keep only to ourselves
 
Last edited:
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Numbtopain97

Numbtopain97

deader than dead
Aug 10, 2019
443
i'm too broken to live.
 
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Lethe

Lethe

Fey
Sep 19, 2019
670
My oncologist referred me to a surgeon who no longer practices and and now I'm convinced everyone (except nurses) in the medical field is retarded. I also don't know if I can trust his opinion because like...wtf

Nah, nurses are incompetent as well. And in my experience, the most callous of all.
 
blanketyblk

blanketyblk

Mage
Jun 9, 2019
574
Coming home and removing my bra is like the second best thing in the world.. next to a glass of wine :-)
 
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suffering

suffering

Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
Aug 17, 2018
398
I hate that I have to work for a living. I was basically born into slavery.
This life is shit.
 
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M

Morphinekiss

Enlightened
Jun 8, 2019
1,207
Oct 4, 2006. My body became a crime scene.
 
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drunk trey

drunk trey

Member
Sep 17, 2019
9
hey all think im gonna end it tomorrow so ordered my favorite food tonight and away I go full suspension wish me luck guys jus hope I got the balls
hey all think im gonna end it tomorrow so ordered my favorite food tonight and away I go full suspension wish me luck guys jus hope I got the balls
 
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blanketyblk

blanketyblk

Mage
Jun 9, 2019
574
hey all think im gonna end it tomorrow so ordered my favorite food tonight and away I go full suspension wish me luck guys jus hope I got the balls
hey all think im gonna end it tomorrow so ordered my favorite food tonight and away I go full suspension wish me luck guys jus hope I got the balls
I hope it all works out for you and you find the peace your after. Hugs!
 
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S

ScarsAndStitches

Member
Feb 26, 2019
60
If I had good health again, I think that I wouldn't feel like dying anymore.
 
alexithymia

alexithymia

Student
Sep 18, 2019
176
I feel so strange when I'm in public surrounded by other people. I don't feel like I'm a part of the human race.
 
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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
I'm closing in.
 
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Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
I am so tired of always having to carry a heavy duty taser just in case I should ever bump into my ex.

Sometimes I wonder what he's doing right now, if he's out there charming his way into someone else's life to manipulate them, take all their money covertly and get them hooked on drugs so he can sell their bodies too.
I am shuddering at the thought.
This man shouldn't have gone free, he should be wearing a GPS at the very least :/
 
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Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

Enlightened
Sep 14, 2019
1,325
When I first arrived here, I thought CTB stood for Closing The Blinds. I think I still find that more fitting because that's what it feels like. One day I will close the blinds, shutting the rest of the world out, and lay down for one final sleep.
I had no clue what it meant either. I just say kill myself.
I feel so strange when I'm in public surrounded by other people. I don't feel like I'm a part of the human race.
Why?
 
262653

262653

Cluesome
Apr 5, 2018
1,733
I love how intense pain and distress can overwrite all other concerns, even the urge to live. It frees one not from control but contradiction, an for that I love it. No more kill yourself/don't kill yourself, no more pecking from two opposing masters. Just one objective which recieves our undivided attention.

It's relieving to know that even though pain is unpleasant, it can spare us from so much lingering bullshit.
 
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BlessedOffal

BlessedOffal

Member
Oct 2, 2019
59
I don't trust people to see me for me, good and bad alike. I'll reduce who I am to jokes on a good day, facts on a bad, like I'm going through a set- and a checklist. At my most honest, I don't say anything at all.

I'm sick of it taking years until I open up beyond vomiting up pretty, empty words.
 
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suffering

suffering

Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
Aug 17, 2018
398
so hungry and yet no appetite
 

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