As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.
I remember when i was 5 or 6 (which makes this one of my earliest memories) i was wandering around in the house, bored, trying to find what to do and i stopped for a few moments and thought like "whats the point ? Why do i want to have fun anyway ? Why do i even live ?" And it had bugged me for a while. Im still fascinated that one my earliest memories is about thinking about how meaningless everything is.
Reactions:
Deafsn0w, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, RottingFlowerBrains and 8 others
Anyone else here afraid they might still be here for a long time? Unable to push themselves over the edge no matter how low they get? A method is one thing but finding something to push you up untill that point is my problem. First thing that comes to people's mind is "you're not ready" but tbh after more than 15 years of thinking this way i don't think i'll ever be ready enough. I envy the people who come in here weeks or day's before they ctb.
Last edited:
Reactions:
Deafsn0w, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, Maravillosa and 9 others
Anyone else here afraid they might still be here for a long time? Unable to push themselves over the edge no matter how low they get? A method is one thing but finding something to push you up untill that point is my problem. First thing that comes to people's mind is "you're not ready" but tbh after more than 15 years of thinking this way i don't think i'll ever be ready enough. I envy the people who come in here weeks or day's before they ctb.
It's difficult .. not being "ready"=/= not being suicidal if that makes sence. I have difficulty putting it into words.
Some people saying "you're not ready" as if they mean you should overthink your depression/suicidality and try being happy instead and see if it works out. Well after 15 years of depression i think i can pretty much conclude there isn't a fix for my issue that is nothing short of a miracle.
Others may mean something different when they say those words idk .. it's all very difficult
Last edited:
Reactions:
Deafsn0w, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, Anarchy and 6 others
I think the highest rank is even better. When you have thousand post and you wasted the whole chromatic range, after red you got pink and after it, you got purple and you become a mod. If you post even more, your name turns blue-purple and you are adminded. If you still continue posting, you have blue again, fuck it up and you lost your account.
Today I tried to stay "positive" and actually do something that's supposed to be good, especially for my overall health (going out for a walk with somebody I care at least a bit, after years spent about 99% alone) but needless to say the whole initiative backfired on me, lol. It was kind of dull, that "expectations VS reality" type of thing. Nevermind, I'll get back to bed for now
Reactions:
Deafsn0w, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, RaptorHavx and 5 others
strength always wins, to stop an unstoppable force the immovable object would require to be located in more dimensions than the one in which the vector of the force travels
Reactions:
Deafsn0w, Caerula, lv-gras and 1 other person
strength always wins, to stop an unstoppable force the immovable object would require to be located in more dimensions than the one in which the vector of the force travels
I had some very weird dream today in which I was feeling extremely dizzy and hallucinating. Odd place. Waking up from sleep in some room with other sleeping people. Basically I was waking up in dream in dream and in another dream... it was like nightmare hallucination. When I finally woke up, and was afraid it's not reality again for 10th time or so, I couldn't bloody move my body even a bit, I was paralysed. Being scared as f*** after a while I could finally move bits of my body and eventually raise myself. Looking at clock broke my mind. It felt like hours have passed but in fact it was almost the same time as when I went to sleep. It takes me a WHILE to fall asleep. Then how the hell ? What happened to me... I've missed my antidepressant dose, but seriously ? This thing was... I have no words...
Reactions:
Deafsn0w, Caerula, Morning Angel and 3 others
I had some very weird dream today in which I was feeling extremely dizzy and hallucinating. Odd place. Waking up from sleep in some room with other sleeping people. Basically I was waking up in dream in dream and in another dream... it was like nightmare hallucination. When I finally woke up, and was afraid it's not reality again for 10th time or so, I couldn't bloody move my body even a bit, I was paralysed. Being scared as f*** after a while I could finally move bits of my body and eventually raise myself. Looking at clock broke my mind. It felt like hours have passed but in fact it was almost the same time as when I went to sleep. It takes me a WHILE to fall asleep. Then how the hell ? What happened to me... I've missed my antidepressant dose, but seriously ? This thing was... I have no words...
Argh, I logged on facebook to stalk someone and then my crush's name popped on the search bar, almost made me cry... yet another reason to end this pathetic life.
Reactions:
Deafsn0w, Anarchy, Caerula and 4 others
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.