Rage quitting the game of life today

[Lady Laudanum]

This will end up hurting him more. You were not suicidal 8 months ago, were you?
At least give school a chance. It's only a couple of weeks away.

I wasn't actively suicidal 8 months ago but I've been slowly giving up on being sober and recovering from my ED. I just feel like I don't deserve to be happy, be healthy, and feel good because I'm a shitty person. The pervasive sense of worthlessness is just too much to cope with. I've never been able to find any solution despite years of therapy, multiple hospital admissions, trying different medications, etc.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I wasn't actively suicidal 8 months ago but I've been slowly giving up on being sober and recovering from my ED. I just feel like I don't deserve to be happy, be healthy, and feel good because I'm a shitty person. The pervasive sense of worthlessness is just too much to cope with. I've never been able to find any solution despite years of therapy, multiple hospital admissions, trying different medications, etc.

That sounds horrible to deal with. I'm seriously curious about why with some people, intense negative emotions persist even in the face of treatment. My sibling had depression but was prescribed medication and the feelings quickly went away. But with me, trying different medications and other treatment options never seemed to make it better. Is my case of depression worse, or is my brain just wired differently?

Are you able to acknowledge the hard work you've put in to achieve the things you have? I know you mentioned before that financially, you're doing better than you expected you would be doing at your age. Even if being a workaholic is a way of coping, it's still admirable to be a hard worker. Maybe for you, you can acknowledge the good things about yourself but you don't really feel them in your heart. That's how I feel about myself anyway.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I'm starting to feel really sick from barely eating at all but the food is so bad that trying to swallow it legit makes me gag. And normally I'm not a picky eater. My friend was not allowed to bring in any food or drinks for me earlier today, so too bad for me. I'm sure that the nurses are going to help me figure something out before I start having problems from not eating though.

That sounds horrible to deal with. I'm seriously curious about why with some people, intense negative emotions persist even in the face of treatment. My sibling had depression but was prescribed medication and the feelings quickly went away. But with me, trying different medications and other treatment options never seemed to make it better. Is my case of depression worse, or is my brain just wired differently?

Are you able to acknowledge the hard work you've put in to achieve the things you have? I know you mentioned before that financially, you're doing better than you expected you would be doing at your age. Even if being a workaholic is a way of coping, it's still admirable to be a hard worker. Maybe for you, you can acknowledge the good things about yourself but you don't really feel them in your heart. That's how I feel about myself anyway.

I'm autistic and also have PTSD because of adverse events early in life, so I guess my brain kinda is wired differently. From what I've heard, depression that comes with other comorbid mental disorders is significantly harder to treat than depression on its own. And depression caused by unchangeable circumstances is significantly more treatment resistant than depression caused by a brain chemical imbalance in isolation. I'm not a mental health professional though, so can't verify. But that seems to make sense.

I'm Chinese and I was raised to think that no matter how much or how well I do, it's never enough. I know that it's important to get out of that mindset but honestly, I've tried and failed for years. I don't know what the solution is.

 

[ropearoundatree]

I just want to say that, I'm really sorry for your situation in life... & all that you've had to go through. I think there are so many facets to your life that could be worth trying to say something that would be helpful, or beneficial to you in some way. But I don't think I've got much steam, or whatever - in me, right now in order to do so. Fortunately, others have--& they seem to be doing a fine job. . . So I hope that you can have some better things happen to you. Regardless of what your definition of that may, or might be. I'm sorry if I missed a page, but did you say you've been to a specialist, or specialized treatment, clinic or whatnot, for help w/the E. D.? When I was a close friend, with someone who dealt with this. They went to such a program. And so anyway, I think part it was about trying to tackle it, and to treat it, much like a psychiatric illness. In other words, (to try) to get to the "root," cause or problem of the issue. Which is at the Heart of why it is you are engaging in said behavior, or eating disorder. But so anyway, point only being --& I'm sure I'm not enlightening you about, or with any of this-- that to focus, solely on 'the food.' Was to be kind of missing the boat, if not in part, then maybe sometimes, with some people, in its entirety. Example: when I first found out about her profound anorexia nervosa, I just drove to see her like multple times a week (she lived several hours away & was in graduate school). Took her out to eat, thinking that'd help solve her issues. About all it did, I thought in hindsight then (because I haven't thought about it a whole lot since) is to show her that somebody cared. Which, I believe, was helpful. So anyway, I hope you can get some help with that, and some of your other problems or issues as well. So that you are capable, and able to see things a little bit more clearly, perhaps. When you go about trying to make such an epic & everlasting decision. Don't get me wrong; you can do whatever you want. That's your perrogative. But I feel for you. And there's just a lot to look at, and deal with in your present case as it has been laid out by your here, is all. Take care!

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I just want to say that, I'm really sorry for your situation in life... & all that you've had to go through. I think there are so many facets to your life that could be worth trying to say something that would be helpful, or beneficial to you in some way. But I don't think I've got much steam, or whatever - in me, right now in order to do so. Fortunately, others have--& they seem to be doing a fine job. . . So I hope that you can have some better things happen to you. Regardless of what your definition of that may, or might be. I'm sorry if I missed a page, but did you say you've been to a specialist, or specialized treatment, clinic or whatnot, for help w/the E. D.? When I was a close friend, with someone who dealt with this. They went to such a program. And so anyway, I think part it was about trying to tackle it, and to treat it, much like a psychiatric illness. In other words, (to try) to get to the "root," cause or problem of the issue. Which is at the Heart of why it is you are engaging in said behavior, or eating disorder. But so anyway, point only being --& I'm sure I'm not enlightening you about, or with any of this-- that to focus, solely on 'the food.' Was to be kind of missing the boat, if not in part, then maybe sometimes, with some people, in its entirety. Example: when I first found out about her profound anorexia nervosa, I just drove to see her like multple times a week (she lived several hours away & was in graduate school). Took her out to eat, thinking that'd help solve her issues. About all it did, I thought in hindsight then (because I haven't thought about it a whole lot since) is to show her that somebody cared. Which, I believe, was helpful. So anyway, I hope you can get some help with that, and some of your other problems or issues as well. So that you are capable, and able to see things a little bit more clearly, perhaps. When you go about trying to make such an epic & everlasting decision. Don't get me wrong; you can do whatever you want. That's your perrogative. But I feel for you. And there's just a lot to look at, and deal with in your present case as it has been laid out by your here, is all. Take care!

My issue is that most people in my life are beyond caring at this point after I've taken too much of their time and energy. I've burned bridges pretty thoroughly with basically everyone and I only have myself to blame for it. The only support network I have is my friend, who has to fly back across the country again soon.

I've been to treatment for my ED multiple times. Also been hospitalized for previous suicide attempts. Spent significant periods of time going to outpatient treatment too. I didn't even mentally process the fact that I was sexually abused, until early last year when I got to a more reasonable weight after being severely underweight. That was when I had my first onset of PTSD, and at that point PTSD and avoiding events that lead to flashbacks basically became my entire life.

My stay in the psych ward is likely going to be extended because the psychiatrist who did my initial evaluation strongly suspects that I've been understating my symptoms and acting unusually calm to just get out of the hospital. This is the first time that someone has ever figured that out. If they extend my stay then they need a judge to sign off on it. I don't know what I'll even be able to do, and whether I can even fight it in court.

 

[Soupster]

One thing I will mention from my previous inpatient psych admits is that they can and do track your food intake and may use a lack of eating 'normally' as a severe risk factor when justifying trying to extend your stay. I know the food is likely terrible, but I would encourage you to try to at least feign an appetite if you want to get out once your hold expires. I ended up staying a week longer on one of my stays simply because I couldn't tolerate the food, and no one warned me or talked to me about it until my hearing.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

One thing I will mention from my previous inpatient psych admits is that they can and do track your food intake and may use a lack of eating 'normally' as a severe risk factor when justifying trying to extend your stay. I know the food is likely terrible, but I would encourage you to try to at least feign an appetite if you want to get out once your hold expires. I ended up staying a week longer on one of my stays simply because I couldn't tolerate the food, and no one warned me or talked to me about it until my hearing.

They told me that tomorrow if I still only eat the crackers and apple juice on my tray and don't touch the "real food" at all, they're going to transfer me to the medical ward and start me on IV fluids because my blood work this evening came back abnormal, my blood pressure is getting low, and I puked (not on purpose, I got nauseous) after they tried to give me an oral potassium supplement. I told them that I really can't stomach the other food though because it's absolutely disgusting and makes me gag. I really tried to eat it but I just can't do it. It's that bad. And I was being 100% honest. But they're not willing to budge. I don't even know what I can do here because they won't allow anyone to bring me any outside food. I have substance abuse issues and they're worried that I'm going to get someone to smuggle in alcohol, or food that's laced with drugs, since I have access to my phone. I really don't know how this is going to pan out and tbh I'm kinda scared.

 

[Soupster]

Yikes, that sounds rough. I'm amazed they let you keep your phone to be honest. They've always taken mine. At least you still have access to your support network here.

Sending hugs. I hope it gets better and they find a solution to help you be able to eat and not just use it as an excuse to force nutrients in you and keep you longer.

 

[maniac116]

They told me that tomorrow if I still only eat the crackers and apple juice on my tray and don't touch the "real food" at all, they're going to transfer me to the medical ward and start me on IV fluids because my blood work this evening came back abnormal, my blood pressure is getting low, and I puked (not on purpose, I got nauseous) after they tried to give me an oral potassium supplement. I told them that I really can't stomach the other food though because it's absolutely disgusting and makes me gag. I really tried to eat it but I just can't do it. It's that bad. And I was being 100% honest. But they're not willing to budge. I don't even know what I can do here because they won't allow anyone to bring me any outside food. I have substance abuse issues and they're worried that I'm going to get someone to smuggle in alcohol, or food that's laced with drugs, since I have access to my phone. I really don't know how this is going to pan out and tbh I'm kinda scared.

,

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Yikes, that sounds rough. I'm amazed they let you keep your phone to be honest. They've always taken mine. At least you still have access to your support network here.

Sending hugs. I hope it gets better and they find a solution to help you be able to eat and not just use it as an excuse to force nutrients in you and keep you longer.

They let me keep my phone because I've been acting calm and I was cooperating with treatment (other than not eating the food). They did make me wear a paper gown though and I can't have any blankets, as a precaution. Because they're worried that I'll rip the blanket into strips and make a noose. I'm shivering because I'm so cold, but there's nothing they can do for me. At this point I'm actually going to try to convince them to at least give my pants back. They're work pants made of a thick and durable canvas material and they have no stretch so they're basically impossible to rip into strips or tie into a noose that'll actually hold.

 

[Soupster]

They let me keep my phone because I've been acting calm and I was cooperating with treatment (other than not eating the food). They did make me wear a paper gown though and I can't have any blankets, as a precaution. Because they're worried that I'll rip the blanket into strips and make a noose. I'm shivering because I'm so cold, but there's nothing they can do for me. At this point I'm actually going to try to convince them to at least give my pants back. They're work pants made of a thick and durable canvas material and they have no stretch so they're basically impossible to rip into strips or tie into a noose that'll actually hold.

That's... intense. I've always had my street clothes taken but was either issued a gown or scrubs. As for a blanket I've always had thick, heavy, scratchy shit that there's almost no chance to use in any way to self harm aside from getting fun rashes.

As to the phone I've always been told even on my voluntary admit (when i took myself to the ER after not being able to overcome my SI to jump) where I was 100% calm and cooperative that they wanted to isolate me from all outside influences and contact that could potentially cause stress or exasperate my condition. I'm sure they'd be right effin mortified if they found out you were passing time here.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

That's... intense. I've always had my street clothes taken but was either issued a gown or scrubs. As for a blanket I've always had thick, heavy, scratchy shit that there's almost no chance to use in any way to self harm aside from getting fun rashes.

As to the phone I've always been told even on my voluntary admit (when i took myself to the ER after not being able to overcome my SI to jump) where I was 100% calm and cooperative that they wanted to isolate me from all outside influences and contact that could potentially cause stress or exasperate my condition. I'm sure they'd be right effin mortified if they found out you were passing time here.

I think it's different depending on the hospital. I've been to various hospitals and some won't allow me to have any access to internet. Some allowed me to have a computer or iPad/tablet. Some allowed me to have my phone as long as I wasn't causing any problems for the staff. I had to convince the staff to let me keep my phone this time. If they realized that I'm going on SS though, they'd take my phone away for sure. They said they would be monitoring my activity but I've been using data instead of their wifi whenever I'm on SS, and frankly I think they're lying about monitoring me anyways. I had to put a piece of tape over both camera lenses so that I can't secretly take pics of anything though.

 

[Soupster]

I think it's different depending on the hospital. I've been to various hospitals and some won't allow me to have any access to internet. Some allowed me to have a computer or iPad/tablet. Some allowed me to have my phone as long as I wasn't causing any problems for the staff. I had to convince the staff to let me keep my phone this time. If they realized that I'm going on SS though, they'd take my phone away for sure. They said they would be monitoring my activity but I've been using data instead of their wifi whenever I'm on SS. I had to put a piece of tape over both camera lenses so that I can't secretly take pics of anything though.

The tape on the camera lens is kind of funny... its not like you could covertly take it away, snap a picture and put it back or anything. Lol. I mean I know they probably will claim it's for patient privacy, and I respect that. That said, most hospitals could use a public photo tour and video to show what a 'great' place they are.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

The tape on the camera lens is kind of funny... its not like you could covertly take it away, snap a picture and put it back or anything. Lol. I mean I know they probably will claim it's for patient privacy, and I respect that. That said, most hospitals could use a public photo tour and video to show what a 'great' place they are.

When I was hospitalized in a specialized ED ward, I actually got sedated and put into restraints when they realized that I took a video of a staff member beating up a patient that was combative, and posted it online. The staff member in question ended up being fired a few months after I left, from what I heard. So I guess it turned out to be worth the risk I took. There are so many shitty people who work in healthcare because they like being in a position of power over the most vulnerable people.

 

[Soupster]

When I was hospitalized in a specialized ED ward, I actually got sedated and put into restraints when they realized that I took a video of a staff member beating up a patient that was combative, and posted it online. The staff member in question ended up being fired a few months after I left, from what I heard. So I guess it turned out to be worth the risk I took. There are so many shitty people who work in healthcare because they like being in a position of power over the most vulnerable people.

Wow, that's not surprising but massively unethical of them. Getting accurate medical records out of a facility is a crap shoot, but I would've requested mine just to see the medical justification for restraints and sedation.

I'm glad you did it though. You standing up for someone may have potentially changed thier life.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

It's so crazy how people with mental illnesses just seem to have no rights, like all your rights go out the window when you start thinking of suicide, which is really just doing something to your own body that you should have jurisdiction over. It's like the state has made up some arbitrary ruling that anyone who ever thinks of ending their life is totally illogical and incapable of self-determination, and needs to be forcibly restrained.

I'm curious, do you have a phone charger with you? Did they let you take anything when they showed up at your residence?

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Wow, that's not surprising but massively unethical of them. Getting accurate medical records out of a facility is a crap shoot, but I would've requested mine just to see the medical justification for restraints and sedation.

I'm glad you did it though. You standing up for someone may have potentially changed thier life.

I was not at a dangerously low weight when I was hospitalized, and they were very trigger happy with the restraints and haldol once I was medically stabilized because they realized that I was strong enough to actually fight. There were many times when they restrained and sedated me as soon as I got agitated, way before I actually became combative. That place legit turned me into a zombie. I attempted suicide less than 2 months after I was released. Because I didn't have citizenship in the country where that hospital was located, I was basically at the mercy of the staff and could do nothing about it.

It's so crazy how people with mental illnesses just seem to have no rights, like all your rights go out the window when you start thinking of suicide, which is really just doing something to your own body that you should have jurisdiction over. It's like the state has made up some arbitrary ruling that anyone who ever thinks of ending their life is totally illogical and incapable of self-determination, and needs to be forcibly restrained.

I'm curious, do you have a phone charger with you? Did they let you take anything when they showed up at your residence?

I'm not allowed to have my charger because they don't want me to try to make a noose or try to electrocute myself. If I want to charge my phone then I have to leave it at the nurses station. EMS and police let me put clothes on before they made me get into the ambulance, because I was only wearing lingerie when they arrived. However, they did tell me that I would have to change into a gown once I got to the hospital. I was allowed to bring my phone with me too, obviously.


I don't know if I'm going to be able to get through the night without being transferred to the medical ward because I'm starting to feel really sick tbh. My heart is beating really fast and my leg muscles are cramping really badly. That's a sign that my potassium levels are getting low. For me that happens pretty quickly because I've had an eating disorder for more than 10 years. And I've been puking today from the electrolyte supplements that they tried to give me, because it just tasted so gross and made me gag.

I think I'm going to let one of the nurses know. That's probably the path of least resistance.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I'm tired and really want to sleep but I can't fall asleep with the beeping noises from the monitor, the weird feeling in my arm from IV fluids, and the itchiness of the EKG leads.

I know this bullshit could have been prevented if I forced myself to eat the hospital food but I tried and I couldn't do it. Now I don't even know how long I'll be in the hospital for.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I'm probably going to get in touch with my employers and tell them I'm not going to be back to work. I don't know how long I'll be in the hospital for. I liked my day job and my side hustle, as well as the comfortable lifestyle I'm able to have because of those jobs.

No matter what, I'm leaving my jobs at the end of this month anyways because I'm moving to a different part of the country.

Sorry for talking so much. I tried to sleep for a bit and only got like an hour of sleep before I really needed to take a piss.

 

[ropearoundatree]

My issue is that most people in my life are beyond caring at this point after I've taken too much of their time and energy. I've burned bridges pretty thoroughly with basically everyone and I only have myself to blame for it. The only support network I have is my friend, who has to fly back across the country again soon.

I've been to treatment for my ED multiple times. Also been hospitalized for previous suicide attempts. Spent significant periods of time going to outpatient treatment too. I didn't even mentally process the fact that I was sexually abused, until early last year when I got to a more reasonable weight after being severely underweight. That was when I had my first onset of PTSD, and at that point PTSD and avoiding events that lead to flashbacks basically became my entire life.

My stay in the psych ward is likely going to be extended because the psychiatrist who did my initial evaluation strongly suspects that I've been understating my symptoms and acting unusually calm to just get out of the hospital. This is the first time that someone has ever figured that out. If they extend my stay then they need a judge to sign off on it. I don't know what I'll even be able to do, and whether I can even fight it in court.

I think that, maybe some of the poor role modeling & behavior, that you'd had growing up, may have affected how you were then able to later on in life go about developing similar with others... perhaps? Or maybe, I don't know. I see, on the ED treatment. So, obviously, this can affect many great things psychologically &/as well as, otherwise in terms of health - & judgement, how well you're feeling, and etc. It is also very serious, in that many patients can have high(er) mortality rates, as I undertand it, or understood it then. If I am remembering correctly. I know that with my friend, it was a case of the Dr.'s telling her, she was (or her body was) beginning to feast on herself; and to consume things which were of great importance, such as the heart...

But so anyway! I'm sorry you don't have any greater support system in real life than your friend, who has come all of the way across the country, and on his own nickel, to see you. And to show you, just how much you mean to him, and that he cares. That's more than you can say for most people. Not that they wouldn't want to do that, but that they'd take the initiative to. And that they could. It's also as they say, sometimes / maybe. . . in that: it's all (or, "more,") about the quality, than the quantity. Of or when it comes, to friend-ships & relation ships, and such...

I feel too, like so many others in here, that you are taking on far too much of the blame in terms of, what you're shouldering with respect to responsibility for or over, in regards to--what has happened with your friend, or ex. For, I'm sure that they share some of the blame, or responsibility as well. Now how much should they be held accountable? It's really probably hard to, if not albeit impossible, for you to honestly realistically say. Just how accountable she should to be held in all of this. For it is, I'd imagine anyway, a two-way street. As are most. . .

So I'm saying, I'm sure she could have done some things differently as well. And whether or not, some of what you were doing in terms of behaviors engaged that were deemed, unsavory, had anything to do with self-sabotage, or self-sabotaging. I could not say. Only that, it seems as if, you were un satisfied / or dissatisfied, with something.

And were looking to reestablish some semblance or state of homeostasis, or balance that would bring it back to a more harmonious place, for you to be comfortable with, or in. Or you were just unsettled, and in the mood had this urgent need, or compulsion, to start things, or stuff - & to be "boat rocking," or rocking the boat (as that is what felt most familiar to you, here again, perhaps from before and with what you were conditioned with or by , form an earlier time in life).

-that's my amateur psycho-analsis! emphasis: on the, 'AMATEUR!'

Sounds like your p-doc on the inside, however, has some bright or keen and as in good, analysis or insight into you. In terms of, the accuracy of their read on... So that is good news, even if you don't believe it to be so. Good luck, & best wishes~

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I think that, maybe some of the poor role modeling & behavior, that you'd had growing up, may have affected how you were then able to later on in life go about developing similar with others... perhaps? Or maybe, I don't know. I see, on the ED treatment. So, obviously, this can affect many great things psychologically &/as well as, otherwise in terms of health - & judgement, how well you're feeling, and etc. It is also very serious, in that many patients can have high(er) mortality rates, as I undertand it, or understood it then. If I am remembering correctly. I know that with my friend, it was a case of the Dr.'s telling her, she was (or her body was) beginning to feast on herself; and to consume things which were of great importance, such as the heart...

But so anyway! I'm sorry you don't have any greater support system in real life than your friend, who has come all of the way across the country, and on his own nickel, to see you. And to show you, just how much you mean to him, and that he cares. That's more than you can say for most people. Not that they wouldn't want to do that, but that they'd take the initiative to. And that they could. It's also as they say, sometimes / maybe. . . in that: it's all (or, "more,") about the quality, than the quantity. Of or when it comes, to friend-ships & relation ships, and such...

I feel too, like so many others in here, that you are taking on far too much of the blame in terms of, what you're shouldering with respect to responsibility for or over, in regards to--what has happened with your friend, or ex. For, I'm sure that they share some of the blame, or responsibility as well. Now how much should they be held accountable? It's really probably hard to, if not albeit impossible, for you to honestly realistically say. Just how accountable she should to be held in all of this. For it is, I'd imagine anyway, a two-way street. As are most. . .

So I'm saying, I'm sure she could have done some things differently as well. And whether or not, some of what you were doing in terms of behaviors engaged that were deemed, unsavory, had anything to do with self-sabotage, or self-sabotaging. I could not say. Only that, it seems as if, you were un satisfied / or dissatisfied, with something.

And were looking to reestablish some semblance or state of homeostasis, or balance that would bring it back to a more harmonious place, for you to be comfortable with, or in. Or you were just unsettled, and in the mood had this urgent need, or compulsion, to start things, or stuff - & to be "boat rocking," or rocking the boat (as that is what felt most familiar to you, here again, perhaps from before and with what you were conditioned with or by , form an earlier time in life).

-that's my amateur psycho-analsis! emphasis: on the, 'AMATEUR!'

Sounds like your p-doc on the inside, however, has some bright or keen and as in good, analysis or insight into you. In terms of, the accuracy of their read on... So that is good news, even if you don't believe it to be so. Good luck, & best wishes~

Growing up, I didn't really have any good role models. I didn't know what I wanted to be like; only what I didn't want to be like. I still let myself turn out to be like the people I hated though. And I'm not really sure how to fix that.

I was transferred to the medical ward last night because I started feeling really sick. Because I can't have any outside food, and the meal replacement drinks make me puke too, idk what the solution is going to be but whatever solution they have is probably not going to be pleasant.

This morning they woke me up to let me know that they were going to extend my stay for another week, past the initial 72 hours. Talk about a rude awakening lmao. I don't know if it's possible to fight in court and even if it was, I feel like I won't have the mental energy to do that.

 

[CatLvr]

Growing up, I didn't really have any good role models. I didn't know what I wanted to be like; only what I didn't want to be like. I still let myself turn out to be like the people I hated though. And I'm not really sure how to fix that.

I was transferred to the medical ward last night because I started feeling really sick. Because I can't have any outside food, and the meal replacement drinks make me puke too, idk what the solution is going to be but whatever solution they have is probably not going to be pleasant.

This morning they woke me up to let me know that they were going to extend my stay for another week, past the initial 72 hours. Talk about a rude awakening lmao. I don't know if it's possible to fight in court and even if it was, I feel like I won't have the mental energy to do that.

Maybe that's a good thing. Especially if they leave you where you are now and can get you to feeling a bit better.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Maybe that's a good thing. Especially if they leave you where you are now and can get you to feeling a bit better.

They're probably going to get my firearms license and driver's license suspended. I can't see them getting my licenses actually revoked because I didn't do anything criminal. I think that my ex and my friend likely collaborated behind the scenes but can't know for sure. If that is the case though, I'm not sure why my ex is helping someone who mistreated them repeatedly. It's just that my ex is the only person who knows for sure that I have a firearms license. I may have told others when I was shitfaced drunk but tbh it's not likely.

There's not enough space in the medical ward either for me to have a room so I'm still in a hallway bed, wearing a paper gown. Some other patients are staring but none of them have tried to ask me weird questions or anything like that.

 

[CatLvr]

They're probably going to get my firearms license and driver's license suspended. I can't see them getting my licenses actually revoked because I didn't do anything criminal. I think that my ex and my friend likely collaborated behind the scenes but can't know for sure. If that is the case though, I'm not sure why my ex is helping someone who mistreated them repeatedly. It's just that my ex is the only person who knows for sure that I have a firearms license. I may have told others when I was shitfaced drunk but tbh it's not likely.

There's not enough space in the medical ward either for me to have a room so I'm still in a hallway bed, wearing a paper gown. Some other patients are staring but none of them have tried to ask me weird questions or anything like that.

Well that's a bummer. Silly me I thought you had a nice quiet room to rest in.

 

[Thanatox]

Hey, just wanted to let you know that reading your posts is making me feel not so lonely. I've recently been hating so much humans, as well as having been forced to be born as one. Reading these posts makes me feel like there's still people out there that could understand how I feel. See? you are helping someone, you are not that terrible as a person :p

That extra week seems rough, tho. I hope you can find some kind of entertainment to make your stay a bit more bearable.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Well that's a bummer. Silly me I thought you had a nice quiet room to rest in.

Hahahahaha sadge

Hey, just wanted to let you know that reading your posts is making me feel not so lonely. I've recently been hating so much humans, as well as having been forced to be born as one. Reading these posts makes me feel like there's still people out there that could understand how I feel. See? you are helping someone, you are not that terrible as a person :p

That extra week seems rough, tho. I hope you can find some kind of entertainment to make your stay a bit more bearable.

I've been acting as cooperative as I possibly can with staff at the hospital so that they don't take my phone away. I'd actually go insane if I didn't have my phone.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

There was canned fruit with my meals today and I was able to eat that stuff without wanting to puke. I think I'm gonna call that a win? The sandwich was too disgusting to eat the entire thing but I managed to eat the slice of ham. Couldn't even try to eat the bread.

Other than that I have nothing new to report today.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I d

There was canned fruit with my meals today and I was able to eat that stuff without wanting to puke. I think I'm gonna call that a win? The sandwich was too disgusting to eat the entire thing but I managed to eat the slice of ham. Couldn't even try to eat the bread.

Other than that I have nothing new to report today.

I don't blame you, I've heard horror stories about hospital food. Don't know what time it is where you are but if it's night, hope you're able to get some sleep. We're here for you when you've got anything more to report!

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I d

I don't blame you, I've heard horror stories about hospital food. Don't know what time it is where you are but if it's night, hope you're able to get some sleep. We're here for you when you've got anything more to report!

I swear, hospitals give patients disgusting food to make them sicker and make their medical bills more expensive. Jk lol but it's probably only 1 step above prison food.

I managed to have a nap earlier today and now I can't fall asleep again.

I finally got to have a shower today. A staff member had to watch me shower but at that point I didn't even care anymore because I was just glad to be able to wash my hair.

 

[Soupster]

I swear, hospitals give patients disgusting food to make them sicker and make their medical bills more expensive. Jk lol but it's probably only 1 step above prison food.

I managed to have a nap earlier today and now I can't fall asleep again.

I finally got to have a shower today. A staff member had to watch me shower but at that point I didn't even care anymore because I was just glad to be able to wash my hair.

I'm honestly surprised they won't give you something to help you sleep. I've been in mixed bipolar episodes (all the joys of depression and mania wrapped into one) while hospalized on a number of occasions and would never have slept without sleeping medications. Sleep is essential to recovery from any condition medical or mental and lack of sleep aggravates most mental conditions. Have you tried insisting they give you something?