I'm heading out later today

[MoonBean]

I have nobody I can tell in my real life, but I feel like I need to tell someone. I know my family doesn't want me to do this. I know it will hurt my children. But I just can't keep going on like this. I'm always angry and cruel to my family. I dont know why. They dont do anything to deserve it. And I know they won't see it the way I do, but this is better for them in the long run.

I cant live with the guilt of my youngest being born disabled. I blame myself and the guilt is crushing me. They have a whole community who will be there to support them and lift them up and I am so grateful. They are such amazing children, I know that im not dropping them on someone else. I'm freeing them from me.

I'm not looking for pity. I know that im worthless. I always have. I've tried to change, I truly have, and it never sticks. I deserve this. I'm not a victim. I'm a disease. It gives me comfort to know that the world will be a little bit brighter with me gone. Thank you for reading this, and thank you everyone who commented on my last thread. I appreciate the advice and kind words. I hope you all can find happiness and peace.

 

[getoutgirl]

I don't know you, but I don't believe what you say about yourself. I believe you believe that though, and that you carry a lot of pain. I'm sorry it has brought you to this.
Whatever you do today, I hope you are okay and at peace with it. And remember that if you decide not to go through with it, that is okay and still an option then.
I wish things could change for you, but for now I just wish you the best regardless. hugs <3

 

[Worndown]

You have no control on the health and wellbeing of a newborn. It is a lottery we all play with some trepidation.
Guilt is not needed.
Yes, depending on the issues it is a lifelong commitment. For that we are sorry and feel for you as best we can.
Do you need to die over it?
While you know your life the best, from the outside, we might see it differently.

I hope you can find a way to balance this.

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry for your situation
that all sounds very cruel
however you decide
I wish you the best
hope you find relief from suffering