Story possibly goodbye thread

[hewiof]

hi all,

I've been lurking on this site for about a year now and I've been active on a couple different accounts. I think I'll go through with ctb later tonight. I've had a rough childhood and ever since living inside my head has been hell for me. I've tried really hard to keep myself alive but I can't stand this constant pain anymore.
I also don't want to bother my family friends and any medical professionals anymore. I've parasitized so much of their energy and their time and I don't want them to keep worrying about and caring for somebody who doesn't even do anything to get better.
It's a shame because I genuinely have a life that I think others would love to live, every circumstance I could have wanted has been created for me and any opportunity I could have has been presented to me. Without sounding like I'm bragging or anything I just wish things could have been different and I could live out this life.

I'm planning on taking a couple diazepams and then doing an OD of alpha blockers to bring my hr and bp down and then do a hanging (hopefully full). hopefully the benzos/OD will calm me down and bring me close to unconscioussness so that the hanging can get the job done without my SI interfering.

Either way I will update if I don't end up going through with it, i think ctb is a very final decision and I won't do it unless I'm absolutely sure this is what I want.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. May you find peace! Good luck!

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans.

 

[iloverachel]

Good luck please keep us updated
Sorry it has come to this

 

[bookgirl]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

 

[rozeske]

I hope you find the peace you are searching for.

 

[Dliena]

Farewells OP if this is how it ends for you and I wish your peace be forever eternal from anymore future pains.

 

[hewiof]

thanks for the well wishes everyone

I've got the noose set up, pills in hand just thinking through it all now
a huge problem for me is that whenever I decide to ctb I feel better because I know it's all going to end soon, which makes me even more unlikely to go through with it
right now I'm on top of the fucking world, I wish this moment could stretch unto infinity but I only feel this way because I've decided to ctb. If I back out now I'll go back to hell

 

[justcallmeJ]

Best of luck on your journey, best wishes <3

 

[sussshiroll]

thanks for the well wishes everyone

I've got the noose set up, pills in hand just thinking through it all now
a huge problem for me is that whenever I decide to ctb I feel better because I know it's all going to end soon, which makes me even more unlikely to go through with it
right now I'm on top of the fucking world, I wish this moment could stretch unto infinity but I only feel this way because I've decided to ctb. If I back out now I'll go back to hell

May i ask what medical professionals do you have contact with? Is it psychiatry and if yes did you have contact with them since you were young? They ruined me too and everyone i know! Thank you!

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Best of luck in whatever you decide, OP. We're here for you.

May i ask what medical professionals do you have contact with? Is it psychiatry and if yes did you have contact with them since you were young? They ruined me too and everyone i know! Thank you!

Same here.

 

[sussshiroll]

thanks for the well wishes everyone

I've got the noose set up, pills in hand just thinking through it all now
a huge problem for me is that whenever I decide to ctb I feel better because I know it's all going to end soon, which makes me even more unlikely to go through with it
right now I'm on top of the fucking world, I wish this moment could stretch unto infinity but I only feel this way because I've decided to ctb. If I back out now I'll go back to hell

OP make sure you do the right thing and prepare alot cause anything you do wrong can make you end up paralyzed (Google the poor guy that ended up paralyzed attempting hanging method) . This is why im still here searching for the perfect method like SN or N, Please make sure

The human body can fight beyond what you can imagine, DM me we can talk and maybe we can find a perfect method for us

 

[EternalShore]

I wish you well~ See ya~ Praying for you~ :)

 

[hewiof]

May i ask what medical professionals do you have contact with? Is it psychiatry and if yes did you have contact with them since you were young? They ruined me too and everyone i know! Thank you!

Hi, yes psychiatry and I've had contact with them for about a year. As someone who knows people in med and has friends in med school who are interested in psychiatry, I'm probably not as skeptical about medicine as you are, but I do find that they are a bit overeager to medicate especially in inpatient.

OP make sure you do the right thing and prepare alot cause anything you do wrong can make you end up paralyzed (Google the poor guy that ended up paralyzed attempting hanging method) . This is why im still here searching for the perfect method like SN or N, Please make sure

The human body can fight beyond what you can imagine, DM me we can talk and maybe we can find a perfect method for us

Hey, I don't have pm perms yet I believe. Considering the current time and location it's very very very unlikely I'll be discovered, and with short drop hanging I don't think paralysis would be a big problem unlike with long drop hanging. As for the SN and N, I did consider buying SN from MDS before they shut down (I heard theyre operating under a new nam?) but I'm a bit wary of customs in my country and also I don't want to do anything illegal.

About the body fighting back, I intend to take the benzos and alpha blockers to hopefully lower my consciousness and make it harder for me to fight back but this isn't fullproof by any means.

 

[sussshiroll]

Best of luck in whatever you decide, OP. We're here for you.

Same here.

Im sorry you are too

Hi, yes psychiatry and I've had contact with them for about a year. As someone who knows people in med and has friends in med school who are interested in psychiatry, I'm probably not as skeptical about medicine as you are, but I do find that they are a bit overeager to medicate especially in inpatient.

Hey, I don't have pm perms yet I believe. Considering the current time and location it's very very very unlikely I'll be discovered, and with short drop hanging I don't think paralysis would be a big problem unlike with long drop hanging. As for the SN and N, I did consider buying SN from MDS before they shut down (I heard theyre operating under a new nam?) but I'm a bit wary of customs in my country and also I don't want to do anything illegal.

About the body fighting back, I intend to take the benzos and alpha blockers to hopefully lower my consciousness and make it harder for me to fight back but this isn't fullproof by any means.

That's why you need to make sure, If you end up paralyzed you end up from hell to hell of all hells, You have to think alot, Once paralyzed you can't ctb anymore and you gonna end up living til the end.... We need to wait and get SN or N that way it's %100 safe and painless reliable method... We gonna ctb anyway why rush it and end up staying in this hell of a life.
Paralyzes come from spinal damage and brain damage due to a lack of oxygen
Im sure new sellers gonna become available soon, For me i rather wait a couple of days or months than end up vegetable the rest of the years left 30 years+ hell no

Hi, yes psychiatry and I've had contact with them for about a year. As someone who knows people in med and has friends in med school who are interested in psychiatry, I'm probably not as skeptical about medicine as you are, but I do find that they are a bit overeager to medicate especially in inpatient.

Hey, I don't have pm perms yet I believe. Considering the current time and location it's very very very unlikely I'll be discovered, and with short drop hanging I don't think paralysis would be a big problem unlike with long drop hanging. As for the SN and N, I did consider buying SN from MDS before they shut down (I heard theyre operating under a new nam?) but I'm a bit wary of customs in my country and also I don't want to do anything illegal.

About the body fighting back, I intend to take the benzos and alpha blockers to hopefully lower my consciousness and make it harder for me to fight back but this isn't fullproof by any means.

Im sure new sellers gonna become available soon, For me i rather wait a couple of days or months than end up vegetable the rest of the years left 30 years+ hell no

 

[LunarLight]

but I'm a bit wary of customs in my country and also I don't want to do anything illegal.

SN is not illegal. However, you can get a welfare check if customs discover it's SN.

Have you tried rTMS or ECT? It helps some people. I'm no pro-lifer of course, but I tend to think you gotta try everything before choosing to CTB.

 

[hewiof]

I will admit I'm a bit confused. I'm getting ready to hang myself and this thread is suggesting that I buy SN instead.

 

[sussshiroll]

I will admit I'm a bit confused. I'm getting ready to hang myself and this thread is suggesting that I buy SN instead.

I was like you ready and prepared and stuff one day but luckily i didn't ctb, My door is not strong enough to hold or support my weight and the noose is weak and not also rated for my weight, And i also seen many ways this can go wrong like the noose loosens and you still get oxygen enough to keep you alive and you end up paralyzed, Didn't you check or seen videos of countries hanging prisoners and they keep tangling for about 30 mins before they die, This is the least reliable method ever atleast for me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I hope you find peace soon regardless of what happens

 

[hewiof]

benzos have kicked in, I'm feeling calm and collected. I think this is what I want but this all seems very final. I will do my best to go through with it, ily all

 

[sussshiroll]

I will admit I'm a bit confused. I'm getting ready to hang myself and this thread is suggesting that I buy SN instead.

benzos have kicked in, I'm feeling calm and collected. I think this is what I want but this all seems very final. I will do my best to go through with it, ily all

How many benzos did you take? Can you share about the the full detail about your method please...

 

[hewiof]

How many benzos did you take? Can you share about the the full detail about your method please...

hey, I took 5mg diazepam just to calm me down and make sure I'm thinking clearly before deciding to go throuhg with it. I have 60 x 0.1mg clonidine pills which will tank my hr, bp and bring me close to unconsciousness. I have like another 200 more but I don't think I need that much to make me pass out. after taking the OD I'll do partial suspension off my balcony. already tested it twice, I begin to pass out within a couple seconds. I'll either wait for the OD to make me unconscious, hence leaving me to hang, or just hang myself before then if I'm ready.

 

[sussshiroll]

hey, I took 5mg diazepam just to calm me down and make sure I'm thinking clearly before deciding to go throuhg with it. I have 60 x 0.1mg clonidine pills which will tank my hr, bp and bring me close to unconsciousness. I have like another 200 more but I don't think I need that much to make me pass out. after taking the OD I'll do partial suspension off my balcony. already tested it twice, I begin to pass out within a couple seconds. I'll either wait for the OD to make me unconscious, hence leaving me to hang, or just hang myself before then if I'm ready.

Why you didn't try to find SN or N, You sleep then all good, Let us ctb same method
I got contact and hopefully soon i get some of either
I tried this method i passed out and it didn't work before so........

 

[arthurkuzechov]

hi all,

I've been lurking on this site for about a year now and I've been active on a couple different accounts. I think I'll go through with ctb later tonight. I've had a rough childhood and ever since living inside my head has been hell for me. I've tried really hard to keep myself alive but I can't stand this constant pain anymore.
I also don't want to bother my family friends and any medical professionals anymore. I've parasitized so much of their energy and their time and I don't want them to keep worrying about and caring for somebody who doesn't even do anything to get better.
It's a shame because I genuinely have a life that I think others would love to live, every circumstance I could have wanted has been created for me and any opportunity I could have has been presented to me. Without sounding like I'm bragging or anything I just wish things could have been different and I could live out this life.

I'm planning on taking a couple diazepams and then doing an OD of alpha blockers to bring my hr and bp down and then do a hanging (hopefully full). hopefully the benzos/OD will calm me down and bring me close to unconscioussness so that the hanging can get the job done without my SI interfering.

Either way I will update if I don't end up going through with it, i think ctb is a very final decision and I won't do it unless I'm absolutely sure this is what I want.

I wish you fast and painless process and wish you find eternal peace

 

[sussshiroll]

hey, I took 5mg diazepam just to calm me down and make sure I'm thinking clearly before deciding to go throuhg with it. I have 60 x 0.1mg clonidine pills which will tank my hr, bp and bring me close to unconsciousness. I have like another 200 more but I don't think I need that much to make me pass out. after taking the OD I'll do partial suspension off my balcony. already tested it twice, I begin to pass out within a couple seconds. I'll either wait for the OD to make me unconscious, hence leaving me to hang, or just hang myself before then if I'm ready.

Check this guy he got SN https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/ordered-genuine-sn.159794/
SN or N other methods is a no no

 

[hewiof]

Check this guy he got SN https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/ordered-genuine-sn.159794/
SN or N other methods is a no no

I appreciate your suggestions, but I need to die tonight.

 

[LunarLight]

I will admit I'm a bit confused. I'm getting ready to hang myself and this thread is suggesting that I buy SN instead.

I'm not suggesting you to buy SN. We're just saying that a failed hanging may leave you crippled for life and make your life even worse than it already is, because with severe brain damage you won't even be able to kill yourself. We're just making sure you're aware of the risks. This is harm reduction.

 

[sussshiroll]

I appreciate your suggestions, but I need to die tonight.

And if something goes wrong you gonna end up not dying and paralyzed for 30 or more years really? SN or N you ctb %100

 

[hewiof]

I appreciate both of your concerns, and I agree that something like N would objectively be a better ctb method. As for the SN, I'm not willing to purchase it since 1. I need to die right now 2. I have panic disorder and me ordering substances overseas would freak me the fuck out. hanging is also a tried and proven method for ctb. I don't want to wait any longer. sorry

 

[LunarLight]

I appreciate both of your concerns, and I agree that something like N would objectively be a better ctb method. As for the SN, I'm not willing to purchase it since 1. I need to die right now 2. I have panic disorder and me ordering substances overseas would freak me the fuck out. hanging is also a tried and proven method for ctb. I don't want to wait any longer. sorry

It's fully understandable. I wish you find peace whatever you decide to do.