People with SN, why are you here?

[Fthis]

To everyone who owns a gun, has access to a really tall cliff, or has SN, why the hell are you still alive?

 

[lucacaro]

Some people just feel comfort having the option there when they need it and aren't in a rush and some of us are just not ready. I haven't used my SN because I'm pretty scared of dying and I keep getting overwhelmed by sadness thinking about leaving my favorite person behind. But I'll try (again) soon I think.

 

[itsbigbraintime]

I'm waiting on the right moment. There's a lot in my life that I'm unhappy about. There's quite a few days where I'm pissed off purely at the fact that I exist. But they aren't the majority of days, not yet at least. I keep it on standby so when those days come, I don't have to suffer any longer than I need to.

 

[alpacasuitcase]

I had a change of plans and need to stick around for my house sale closing. Gotta deal with that & some end of life things and write my physical note that will be with my body etc etc

 

[Rue89]

Last year because of my anxiety and SI (anxiety is my main reason for wanting to ctb), and lack of time alone at home or another good place to ctb. Now I know I could only do it at home, but I never seem to have enough time alone, so no clue when I'll have an opportunity. I hope anxiety and SI won't be a big factor again. I'll only know that when I try.

 

[Spiral]

I don't have access to any of those items, I need to buy items, and I am poor right now because of debt and COVID-19 so its taking time to save money for my bus ticket :( I don't have patience though, it's very hard to stop myself taking the nasty way out. If i didnt mind to make a big mess i could go now

 

[x~Sophia~x]

To everyone who owns a gun, has access to a really tall cliff, or has SN, why the hell are you still alive?

Are you aware of just how stupid your question is?
Everyone's different - some of us think about suicide but are not quite ready to leave yet.
Some have small children to consider and find it hard to leave them.
Some are in new relationships and are hopeful this might just be their saving grace.
Some have pets they adore and are waiting for them to die before they leave.
Some are just fuckin scared!!

There are many reasons why suicidal people are 'still alive', and I find your post extremely invalidating.
Why are YOU still alive??

 

[neren]

I just received my SN. I've also crafted a shotgun. I have these options to CTB when I feel the time/method is right.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I just received my SN. I've also crafted a shotgun. I have these options to CTB when I feel the time/method is right.

Amen x

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm still waiting to find out who all the remaining Smash Ultimate dlc characters are because one of my favorite Youtubers Etika committed suicide too and since then practically every character that has been released is someone he would have been extremely hyped for and I don't want any regrets. Only three more to go and I doubt there will be any more after Fighter's Pass 2 is complete. Following on that, I also want to see some future movies and shows that have yet to come out.

I'll use my SN in about a year though. I used to be okay with waiting until I was 30 but now I'd rather go when I'm 28. I also think it's only fair to give life just one more year to make itself seem worth living to me. If there is any higher power out there that wants me alive then I have made it very clear what needs to happen in order for me to change my mind. If nothing changes then I'm going to accept it anyway, having the SN gives me the peace of mind to deal with that.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Because I don't want to break my grandma's heart, she's 93, but once she's gone, I'm outta here!
Do you get it now?

 

[inthemoonblue]

It's easy to say you're going to end it. Actually doing it is so hard.

 

[hopelessyearning]

Life is precious and looks there are still some opportunities and actions to take so I can enjoy things again. I think I will try everything before taking my own life... and yes I have Cyanide and SN already at home since some months ago.

Also I don't want to hurt my family, I don't want to leave Keane (bunny) alone, I'm afraid there is something on the other side that will punish me, etc

Wish you all the best :)

 

[hendry]

Are you aware of just how stupid your question is?
Everyone's different - some of us think about suicide but are not quite ready to leave yet.
Some have small children to consider and find it hard to leave them.
Some are in new relationships and are hopeful this might just be their saving grace.
Some have pets they adore and are waiting for them to die before they leave.
Some are just fuckin scared!!

There are many reasons why suicidal people are 'still alive', and I find your post extremely invalidating.
Why are YOU still alive??

mmm, I agree with you. However the question is not stupid. The question allows us to analyze the end of life in its last decisions. This space should allow discussion on all aspects of the CTB. In my particular case, I do not CTB because I have people that I love deeply, and I do not want to make them suffer, I will continue until those people are not there, or I know that they are ready.

 

[lucacaro]

mmm, I agree with you. However the question is not stupid. The question allows us to analyze the end of life in its last decisions. This space should allow discussion on all aspects of the CTB. In my particular case, I do not CTB because I have people that I love deeply, and I do not want to make them suffer, I will continue until those people are not there, or I know that they are ready.

This question would be less "stupid" if it didn't sound so... aggressive? We have threads about why we are still around all the time so this isn't the newest topic either. (im not the person quoted but wanted to put my own opinion in lol)

 

[x~Sophia~x]

mmm, I agree with you. However the question is not stupid. The question allows us to analyze the end of life in its last decisions. This space should allow discussion on all aspects of the CTB. In my particular case, I do not CTB because I have people that I love deeply, and I do not want to make them suffer, I will continue until those people are not there, or I know that they are ready.

The question is stupid because they ask about three particular methods of ctb. They aren't asking "if you are suicidal, why are you still alive?" They're asking, if we have access to a gun, SN or a tall building, why are we still alive? As if the method makes any difference!!
So, I'm asking them, why are THEY still alive?

 

[deleted]

i think it is acceptable to have a gun, sn, or n, and not want to ctb yet, this is a very important decision it is the last one you will have to make and for some people there is only one chance. The reason I haven't done it yet is because I'm clearing up my doubts about sn every day, and I'm honestly afraid to fuck it up.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

i think it is acceptable to have a gun, sn, or n, and not want to ctb yet, this is a very important decision it is the last one you will have to make and for some people there is only one chance. The reason I haven't done it yet is because I'm clearing up my doubts about sn every day, and I'm honestly afraid to fuck it up.

Not that you should feel the need to explain your reasons for still being alive.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

The same reason everyone else is still here when rope can be bought most anywhere.
It's just not the right time to go yet.

 

[Wakawaka]

despite everything its hard for me to up and do it

 

[Muirthemne]

I'm a coward.

 

[aneurysm]

Dying is hard when you are depressed because it takes effort

 

[Sslsh]

had i known about SN when i attempted partial, i would not be around right now. Now im waiting for the right time. I need to go to a different city (I still live with my parents) in order to do it.

 

[blahblahhh]

You see from this thread no one wants to truly die. We want the pain in its endless forms fo cease and relieve but the self-initiative action of death is difficult no matter the level of suffering we encounter. I've been sitting on a loaded gun for some time. I'm 90% there. I guess as horrific as it is, I still have a flickering spark of hope or something.

 

[LastFlowers]

Preparing for death takes energy that even most life-loving people don't posses, so imagine being fatigued with an extremely depressing situation that strips you of even the motivation to end your suffering. If I can't so much as brush my rotting, remaining teeth, then how am I to get myself up and alert so I don't fuck this method up.
The fatigue is real and mind-numbing.
Also, some of the things I have to do before taking my SN, require the cooperation of other people who are giving me an awfully hard time. I have been making the same god damn requests for over a year to some individuals, requests that are pretty simple and doable, especially if they were to consider the insane amount of devastation I suffocate beneath. If I don't ensure these requests are met, I would be offing myself with a much higher risk of postmortem humiliation (and yes I do care, even though I won't be present or conscious to witness it).
To add, the SN regimen takes more than SN and we need to acquire other "ingredients" if we want to follow the guide and give ourselves more peace of mind.
Lastly, it's fucking hard to die, dude!!
Hard to live, hard to die...stuck between a rock and a hard place. Most humans don't ever see it coming. Not like this.
The actual process of dying is scary and SN is a prolonged form of this, we aren't exactly going quickly and despite all the alleged first hand accounts of SN, we are going into this with no guarantee of anything. SN is not even my preferred method, I am still very iffy about it but there is at least some solid evidence that it gets the job done, successful when not discovered early. And I have no choice anymore. I have no quality of life, everyday things get worse, logically it needs to be over. But I don't have access to a gun or a big red button that will both kill me and take care of loose ends, if I did, I would not be here. It is not hope that keeps me around, but fear and a sedating sense of defeat.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

If I had a gun during the last year I wouldn't be here still, since I've had one or two impulses that made me try to go to work on myself with the knife. The problem with SN and jumping (and blades, and hanging, almost all of them apart form guns) is that you can't just get an itch and do it. In my case jumping would be a small-scaled action-mission since I'd have to get into a skyscraper (let's say a restaurant or hotel room 100+m over concrete) and then probably have to break the glass and jump. I'd have to reserve a conference room/ book a table/ get in some other way and bring something like an axe to break the glass, it's a fucking hassle for someone that doesn't really feel pressured to ctb right now.

 

[aminend]

My date is 5_6 weeks later. I'm waiting To that time

 

[Sherri]

I have my Sn in case I have enough and wanna leave, it's good to have a ticket out of we want. That's the way I see my sn.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I had sn but gave it up to the cops. It made me feel better knowing i had a definite way out if I needed it. It just gave me comfort

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

Well i would've died many years ago if it wasn't because i don't have a way out (im 'sure'/'confident' or whatever the fuck that means that someday I'll finally have one although it's so fcking hard but well lol) and i live in a house with my parents and it's so risky and hard to attempt here in their 'house' and i guess I dont want to 'traumatize'/'hurt' them or whatever tf those 'verbs' mean because theyd be extremely 'devastated' if i died (("sorry" but just because 'they' are my 'parents' and had 'me' and "I" had no choice but to 'be' 'born' and 'exist' and 'they' 'love'/'want' me and want me to 'experience'/'enjoy'/'live'/'do'/'participate in'/'explore' etc 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'existence' etcblabla and want me to be 'happy', 'healthy' [as if i gave a fuck about bEiNg 'hApPy'/'hEaLtHy' and all that ""pOsItIvE"" crap lol] and "aLl tHe BeSt FoR mE" and want 'fReEdOm', 'jOy'/'hApPiNeSs', 'sAtIsFaCtIoN', 'fuLfiLlmEnT' and blahblah all that/many other "pOsItIvE" crap [ok? lol, why do i have to 'care'? ok 'they' are my 'parents' and 'want'/'love' me a lot and blabla so 'they' want "pOsItIvE" 'things' for me/to 'happen' to me and blabla but ffs why do i have to care and want to too?] and 'be' "the 'person'/type of 'person' i want"/"however i want"/"the 'way' i want" [i simply just DONT want to 'be' any fcking 'person'/type of 'person' at all of/in any fcking way nor 'be' any 'way' at all lol again why tf do i have to? I just cant understand, what if i simply just basically and literally DONT and DONT WANT TO WANT TO and that's it? why is that "iMpOsSiBlE"? because 'humans'/'people' say so and feel like it and have INVENTED that its "nOt PoSsIbLe" and that if you don't it's because "tHeReS a ReAsoN bEhInD"? lmao] and 'do'/'experience'/'like' etc "whatever/anything i want" [i literally just dont want and never will want to 'do' nor 'experience' nor 'enjoy' nor 'know' nor 'learn' nor absolutely any other 'action'/'verb' etc in general at all ANYTHING for fuck's sake lol, literally ANYTHING, of any type/way etc whatever/however tf it is/can be, why the fck am i sUpPoSeD tO and obligated/forced to just because the 'rest' of people/everyone else wants to and just because "I" had no choice but to 'exist', 'be'/'become' 'something'/'someone' and 'come'/'be' 'here'? lol. i simply just don't, never had and never will and it's not because of "depression" nor "apathy" nor "nihilism" nor "emptiness" nor "boredom" nor "bad life" nor "low self-esteem" or whatever tf that means nor literally any other 'reason'/'reasons' in general at all of absolutely any type. and that's it, whether 'people' 'believe'/'understand' it or not.] and just because they'd 'suffer'/'cry' a lot and be 'very' 'devastated'/'hurt'/'traumatized'/'shocked' and would 'miss' me a lot if i die and blabla, DOESNT mean that i have to want to too/want to 'stay' yes or yes and care about/have 'interest' for/want to 'experience'|'live'|'enjoy'|'know'|'learn'|'do'|'explore'|'like'|'wish'|'desire'|'participate in'|'be part of'|'accomplish' and/or whatever/any other 'verb'|'action' etc in general 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'existence'/'consciousness'/'things'/'something' and or whatever tf in general "UnlEsS i DoNt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN" and exist/live/experience/care about/have 'interest' for etcetc even though I SIMPLY JUST DONT WANT TO/DONT WANT TO WANT TO AND NEVER WILL no 'matter' how the fck not only 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'existence'/'consciousness'/'humanity'/'society' but literally basically everything/anything else in general of any type/way etc whatever and however it is and can be and no 'matter' what happens, what whatever tf is about/can work and how it works/can work, no matter what there is/there can be etc just because my parents and family want and love me and want me to stay and 'enjoy'/'have fun'/be 'happy' blabla and 'live'/'experience'/'do'/'participate in'/'explore' etc 'life'/'the world'/'existence'/'planet earth' etcetcblabla and if i don't want to iTs bEcAusE oF "dEpReSsIoN" aNd Or aNy otHeR "mEnTaL iLlNeSsEs" aNd Or aNy otHeR 'rEaSoN'/'rEaSoNs' and would 'suffer' and be 'devastated' if i die. Well what can i do lmfao, i'm 'sorry' that they'll 'suffer'/be in 'pain' for the 'rest' of their 'lives' and won't be 'able' to 'overcome' my death and blahblah, that's not my 'problem' lol, 'this' SHOULDNT be an obligation, that's it. 'People' would say it 'sounds' "cold" and "cruel" and "sElFiSh" or whatever tf all that means to say that it's not my 'problem' that they'll suffer a lot when I die, and i don't care if it's "cruel", "cold" or "selfish", im very 'sorry' to them but this shouldn't be an obligation, as i said. If i just don't want to exist nor experience/live/do/care about/be part of/participate in/have 'interest' in/like/be part of/enjoy/explore etcetc ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANYTHING at all in general of any type/way etc whatever/however tf it is/can be etc, i JUST DON'T AND THATS IT and no one/nothing is gonna ever change that [NOR i want to lmao]. I shouldn't be existing and experiencing etc life etc EVEN THOUGH I SIMPLY JUST DONT WANT TO AND HAVE NO 'INTEREST' FOR AND JUST DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT IT nor about absolutely anything else in general AND JUST DONT WANT TO 'EXPERIENCE'/'KNOW' 'ABOUT'/'LEARN' 'ABOUT'/'PARTICIPATE IN'/'BE PART OF'/'LIVE'/'DO'/'ENJOY'/'EXPLORE' ETC IT just because i was 'born' and 'exist' and my 'parents'/'family' want me to 'live'/'experience' etc 'life' etc and if i don't iTs bEcAuSe iM "sUfFeRiNg" aNd Or bEcAuSe oF wHaTeVeR oThEr 'rEaSoN' and don't want me to die and want me to 'enjoy', be 'happy', do "whatever/all/anything i want/like etc" and be "however/the way i want/like" and many other "pOsItIvE" things for me and blahblah and just because they'd be 'devastated' if i die.
i. simply. just. DONT??????? WHATS THE FCKING "pRoBlEm" WITH THAT?????? because i literally just cant fcking understand and never at all will why the fuck that ""iSnT pOsSiBlE"" and why tf there has to be a ""rEaSoN wHy"" yes or yes lol, thats nothing but a human invention but well, anyways I'm gonna be still trapped in this obligation that i can't just not care about/not want/not want to 'experience'|'live'|'participate in'|'be part of' etc [no matter how it is/how """gOoD""" or how """bAd"" it is/can be etc] and that's it WITHOUT being because of a reason/reasons no matter how many times i say that i simply just don't give a fuck about/don't want/don't have AND DONT WANT TO HAVE any 'interest' for etc absolutely literally ANYTHING at all in general 'regardless' how/what it is and what type of 'thing'/'place'/'activity' etc it is/can be and a laaaaarge etc lmao)) and there are many risks if i do it here because i could 'fail' as I wouldn't have enough time to 'prepare'/'plan' it well because I'm not alone and i could 'perfectly' get caught and be 'sent' to a 'psych ward' and all that fucking crap, and to 'avoid' all those 'risks'/'worries' I'd have to fcking 'work', have 'money' for a fcking 'house'/'apartment' and then 'wait' a lot of years until i actually have that fcking 'house'/'apartment' where i could finally attempt and die, but jfc before that could finally happen I'd first have had to fcking 'work' and 'wait' for a lot of years until the fcking 'house'/'apartment' is finally fcking 'finished', and i don't want to have to wait that long. And well, that's the reason i haven't attempted/"ctb"/died yet and also because my 'parents' 'adopted' a 'cat' that wants/loves me a lot and well, 'she' would be very 'sad' without me and blahblah. Anyways all this doesn't mean I'll never do it lmao, 'sorry' for them but i just don't want to 'experience' etc ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING and just don't want to 'exist' for fuck's sake, as fucking 'simple' as that. And the only reason i have a SI is because I'm not in some place just me alone where i wouldn't have to worry about getting caught nor any other risk. I'm not 'afraid' of death at all, im a bit 'scared' of the 'process' because of the pain and the fucking body because of its "nAtUrAl sUrViVaL iNsTiNcT" trying to stay alive at all costs that would make it harder for me to JUST GO FOR IT AND FINALLY DIE, so the 'strong' 'survival instinct' or whatever the fuck that means that the 'human body' "nAtUrAlLy" has would 'possibly' make me 'back out' and not do it [although if someone is really determined to, they'll 'surpass' or whatever tf that means the body's SI and just go for it and die, but my case is that i don't live alone so i can't really be that determined because there's a 'potential' risk of being found before I'm dead and would end up in a fucking psych ward, depending on the method i'd get 'brain damage' or be completely brain dead, which i don't give a damn fuck about lol but that would traumatize and shock my parents/family a lot so i want to avoid that too as much as possible, would end up on "sUiCiDe WaTcH" etc. To die is not easy at all unfortunately, no matter how much people say they don't have any SI at all and that it's "eAsY", yeah "easy" lmao, i fucking wish], but I'm not scared of death itself. And I HOPE that death isnt absolutely anything at all, just eternal nothingness and non-existence. Just because i haven't attempted yet/I'm not dead yet doesn't mean i dont want to die lmao. If it was that easy i wouldn't be here, and most of you wouldn't neither. So I'll never 'understand' 'people' who say that just because you haven't killed yourself yet means you don't want to die lol. Not only it takes 'determination' and 'will' (which i would have if it wasn't because i live with my parents and it's risky and hard as fuck to attempt here and if i die they'd find the body and get traumatized and blahblah), but also 'effort' and 'motivation' and 'planning' and all that fucking crap. If to die was actually that "easy" as 'people' claim and wasnt so fucking risky, I would've died a very long time ago without a doubt